Headache and Heartburn

Headache and Heartburn

Today is last day of January!  Wooo hoooo.  Last night I was pretty worried about my DH.  He had a severe ha and refused to go to er.  Said he used to have severe migraines in his 20's and recognized this same type of ha.  I was pretty worried so I skipped yoga.  He is better today.  We are both at work.  After he slept for a while last night he got back up and I told him that in the future, he needs to be checked out when in this situation.  Is not fair to me.  He is not 20 anymore and I would not put that on him.  This afternoon he is playing golf with his brother.  I have decided, no more complaining if he is 1)  not going to seek help/treatment and 2)  over due things.  Not fair to me.

I woke up choking from heartburn again, 3am-ish.

Whew Weee, I am Tired

We just got back from RH.  I drove, DH napped.  I listened to my library book to help pass time.  Made the drive quick.  We are in full on "moving mode" now.  Moving couple pieces furniture each trip (4 hrs one way).  RH getting full, so I did about an hour work in attic and 15 min each couple closets.  My sis and neice came and hung out.  I gave them christmas stuff, rubbermade totes, bedding, pottery, blanket rack, cedar chest.  Took load of stuff I cant fit to SIL store.  She bought a dress form from me, we bought clock motor from her (almost same amount, that is convenient).  FIL had been sick head cold, their pup in ornery bitting stage.  BIL concerned about his job driving for a large company.  They are winding down his moms estate.  Told SIL and MIL of my heavy and worry for mu DGM, my Cousin and my great aunt.  I know faith is my answer.  It is all in Gods hands.

Got back to city, took 6 bags to thrift store, sold a travel golf bag.  My back is tired.  Time to grocery shop after lightening my load and car.  Then dinner and lunches fixed.  4 suits of DH mailed.  Then to bed!  Ready fir last Monday of my last January of my last winter in this city/state!

Need to Bounce

This is when I really wish I had someone who would read my blog.  Maybe if I can figure out how to post photos and do more commenting on other blogs.  But, my phone is not working very well and my pc at home finally seems to be working better (maybe).  So maybe I will try again.  My Samsung phone is  almost 2 years old and it is not holding a charge and is super slow.  It is ridiculous.  I am going to get one final smart phone upgrade, but I am going to try the WalMart plan $55/mo unlimited.  Most of my apps and stuff is google based, so I should be able to get it all transferred.  I am a little nervous about all my contacts.  I will have to go to Walmart and scope it out before I pull the trigger.  My Verizon contract is up 1/27/18 and I can't wait!

I am very tired this morning.  I am so happy to have a calm, regular week after crazy last week.  Went to good yoga session last night.  Went to sleep easily last night 10pm, was very tired.  Then I was wide awake 3am.  Could NOT go back to sleep.  Now I am super tired.  My mind is restless worrying about my cousin, her mom and my DGM.

On another note.  No more houseguests unless they are neat and come stay because they want to see me.

Thoughts of Starting Over

More on looking for love...cont from 11.22.17 http://rightsizeandrethink.blogspot.com/2017/11/looking-for-love-is-like-gambling.html

 

3 years later as I was still reeling from my last relationship fiasco, I went on a motorcycle ride with some friends.  I had never ridden on a Harley Davidson and my friend offered to get me out in the sunshine and he said it would be fun.  So I went. 

 

The bikes were so large and shiney...and loud!  I rode with my friend and we all met up at a gas station to get started.  It was mid June and not too hot.  I wore the only leather jacket I had and some boots and borrowed a helmet.  It was early morning and the sun was out.  I knew several of the people riding and met a few I did not know.  There was a group of about 8 bikes.  My friend was towards the end of the group as we all pulled out, staggering side by side.  The feeling of the wind and the sun was amazing, the sound is one I will never forget.  As we accelerated up to speed to get on the highway, it was sheer adrenaline!  The way people looked at the bikes going by and little kids waived, it was like being in a parade - only I was on the float!  It was so much fun.  We actually went to see a friends' new grandbaby that day.  One of the guys in the group had a new grandbaby boy, so we tagged along to see the baby.  As we got on the elevator in our biker boots and gear, one of the guys joked "biker trash".  I felt like I belonged somewhere.  Like I was one of the group.  While we visited the new grandbaby, I talked music with one of  the guys who rode with us, whom I had met that morning.  I noticed him towards the front of the group as we rode, he had a big shiney green Harley with loud pipes.  I also noticed how handsome he was when he smiled.  As we talked, I could tell that he thought I was cute too.  It felt good to know that just because I had been involved in a horrible relationship with much dysfunction, I could still be attracted to someone.  That my life was not over.  It did not even occur to me that someone could be attracted to me.  It just felt good to know that I still had a lot of life left ahead of me.  I was the ripe old age of 38.  I felt like I could face my obstacles head on and look forward to whatever was still out there waiting for me.

House Guests

So, during this illness/emerg surg with my cousin, her family has really rallied from around the country flying in, texting, FB posts, etc.  It is really heartwarming.  Her two nieces, my 2nd (or 3rd?) cousins have stayed at my house.  We have had some great talks and quality time helping prop each other up.  We have seen positives in my cousin battling cancer, in becoming agreeable to patch up some of her estranged relations.  I have spoken with her directly about God and dying.  My heart is heavy but full.  I am tired.  I know my husband would like to get his house back (and our 3rd vehicle).  But my dogs and my kitty (and me) will sure miss these 2 awesome gals that have added so much texture to my life and I am positive will add in the future.

Life is so precious.  In other news, a 77 year old neighbor died from the flu this past Saturday.  I do not know if she was otherwise in good health or not, prior to the flu.  We had mild warm weather the entire weekend and now it is turning ugly.  It is noon on Monday and the last Monday of the last January of the last winter I will live in Missouri, God willing.  Oh no, one more January Monday - the 29th.  I need to remember to be grateful for today.

Hug your loved ones.  I gave my Granny big hug on way home from hospital yesterday, stopped to see her.  She looks tired.

Would Rather be at Work

I would rather be at work than spend my time as I did yesterday.  And as a temp, that is saying something. 

Sorry to repeat, but I am tired.  Was relaxing this last weekend with my husband watching some TV, looking forward to my long weekend/day off on Monday.  10pm Sunday I got a text from a relative indicating that another relative had serious symptoms and was in the hospital.  Texter was going to bed, that was all they knew (the relative texting me was in another state).  The next morning, I followed up and learned that my relative in the hospital had 2 masses, one in her lung and one in her brain.

So, I went and visited patient Monday afternoon when she was visited by 2 doctors.  One a Radiology Oncologist and one a Neurosurgeon.  There she was laying in her bed after hearing that she had these 2 masses that morning.  I tried to just be with her and help her process and then after the doctors came, I wrote down notes and prepared as best I could to pass this information along to her son who had gone to talk to the patient's 90+ year old mother.  Patient and her mother are close to my DGM and I.  Neither doctor would say it was cancer, but the oncologist said it was "cancer looking".  The neurosurgeon tells us the mass in her brain is so large, they want to remove it surgically Wednesday.  This information is relayed and we are all in shock and family from 4 states are mobilizing.  I am close to another family member that flew in to be there for surgery yesterday, so she is staying with us and driving one of our cars.  I told her it was my way of helping. 

We spent the evening Tues night seeing patient and then went back Wed morning.  I took Wed off, but plan to finish working Thurs and Friday.  I do not have benefits for days off.  No work, no pay.  After she went to surgery, we went to spend some time with her mother.  We came back in time to learn patient was through brain surgery (took about half the time they initially told son) and waiting for a bed in ICU.  Son was still home cleaning and doing daily chores/resting.  So, neurosurgeon talked to us.  It was surreal when neurosurgeon told us that the tumor did not have definite margins where it was next to the brain, so he had to essentially cut it out of the brain to be sure he got it all.  Then he indicated that she was conscious and was responding and showing signs of moving her eyes to the right ok, but not to the left as well.  He said the brain area where the tumor was involved eye movement.  He said this may or may not be permanent.  He apologized to us for that, and said he did the best he could do.  He did unofficially say that he thought it was metastatic carcinoma (i.e. tissue in brain was cancer that came from the lung). The next steps/treatment plan/prognosis would come from cancer team.  I have felt like crying, but it does not come.  What has come is literally an overwhelming sense of exhaustion and my cousin really hit the nail on the head when she explained this is really only the beginning...(of a difficult battle).

A Cold January Type of January

Have sold a ton.  Bought 4 flannel shirts 1 on sale and 3 thrifted, wool cardigan  on sale and thrifted never worn hiking boots!

Spent the day yestersay at hospital with my cousin.  She learned she has lung cancer that has spread to her brain in the last 24 hours.  A lot to process.  She is 59.  Her son is 27.  Her mother (my DGM sis in law/best friend) is 95 in march.  They are taking brain tumor out tomor. 

Next they will biopsy the cells and/or lung tumor cells and confirm dx, tx and px.  I am numb today.  Think i will hang out at the hosp tomor.  Lot of this is going on around me.  That is our environment, that is old age, that is living longer and knowing more, that is life.  Life is precious and fragile.  Thanks for reading.

Is It Monday Already

Friday i worked all day since I was off thurs for bad weather, then i had sushi woth my friend and her daughter.  Sat too lazy for yoga, hrlped granny with her books, partially getting year end done.

Sunday we watched movies, went to Duluth for a wool cardigan they sold out of on line.  Ate pasta lunch.  Cooked wings, baked a pie and we watched movies.  I did manage a 4 mile walk because after we got some more snow, it warmed up nice. 

Monday, honestly i have cabin fever a little.  I have MLK day off.  Frigid cold.  More stuff selling, my front seat so full I will drop off post office, not use office mail room.  But i habe to print labels at work, i am having printer/pc issues.  Everytime windows 10 updates, my system crashes.  I am sick of it.  At least i am all backed up.  Taking to pc repair I guess soon...one more thing on my to do.

Stay warm. Enjoy winter for what it is, down time woth my love, cozy snuggles with my dogs, carbs, hot tea and coffee with friends, candle lit yoga...Namaste.

Very worried about my DGM, she is falling a lot and my cousin has vertigo for over 2 weeks and now brain swelling...more later...

Thursday Snow Day, Finally Friday

I stayed home yesterday.  The temp dropped from way above freezing to below while it rained iceapprox 8 to noon.  We did not get a whole lot of ice, fortunately.  And since I go in 6:20am to arrive by 7, I prob would have been fine, but after the ice the forecast was snow, so I was more concerned about the commute home.  One year it showed a couple inches during the workday and it took me 3 hours to drive home.  It was nice, DH stayed home too.  Plus, I had just washed my car and took photos to list it online for sale, so it seemed sort of like tempting fate!

I did laundry and listed a bunch of more of our old work clothes we won't wear if we are retired.  I have had more luck selling men's clothes/shoes lately than mine.  The website I use (Poshmark) I think is exploding, but instead of more selling, I think people are all wanting to get rid of stuff and it has become a lot like an online garage sale.  I see genuine leather jackets go for $20-$25 and nice leather shoes for $8.  It is fine to get rid of large hoard of stuff, but if I am giving it away, I would rather just load the car and give it away, literally.  Which I also did.  My DH has started to work on his closet and we have spent couple of hours 2 diff days down in it sort of getting an overview of strategy.  I think I now have removed most of the stuff of any value he does not want to keep and have listed it (like 10 really nice canvas/twill type Tommy Hilfiger shirts he has had laundered professionally that are spotless.  Also about 10 of his really nice basic suits).  The rest he is 1) keeping - I am not sure where he is going to put 50 Harley tee shirts, lol; 2)  donating or 3) throwing away.  But at least, we sort of have it figured out.  I also listed his travel golf bag and my car online! 

As far as staging my house, I have decided that the 4 bookcases we are keeping in our basement, we are going to go ahead and move them and stage the space another way.  I have a large picture and a chair I am going to move from master bedroom down there.  DH and I think the more bigger stuff we can move each trip, the better off we will be.  We may even sell the Suburban before next fall.  It is 19 years old and we got a good deal on it, but we had to put a little more into fixing some things than we had planned.  We have just about decided that rather than keeping an older vehicle that is not exactly what we want or need (we don't really need 4wd, but if we do, we would almost rather have a truck).  So, if we get our stuff basically all moved without having to rent a trailer or spend way more time, then the repairs will have paid for themselves and we will go ahead and cut our loss.  We also have a 14 year old Camry, but it is low miles and we think it will last for years and is more economical, so we think we will keep it longer and maybe get a small truck instead of old suburban and my new expensive SUV.  So excited to consolidate our assets/efforts and get rid of debt!

I am ready to move and want to do more, but really we are sort of in a waiting pattern until we can get couple more loads to RH, including getting the bookcases out of basement.  First we will move all the Christmas stuff and some other stuff (cabinet from dining room) i have packet up.  Then next trip (early Feb we will move the bookcases).  Then move loveseat out of the basement, get the carpet re-stretched and cleaned.  Then move couch and chair from master downstairs and stage with the large painting.  Move dresser from master to RH and late winter, move large shelf from master to RH master closet for sweaters/sweatshirts/shoes.

All while I am trying to help take care of Granny and work full time.  Ugggghhhhh.  I will be glad when this is all over.  We have tried to talk Granny in to moving with us, but she thinks she cannot leave her daughter and cannot intrude on us.  Actually I would consider it an honor to care for her and much prefer to her going to a nursing home and also, it really would be much easier for me.  But I truly doubt she will come with us. 

Funk Be Gone

Fri and Sat last week, I was in a funk.  Sunday was very relaxing and replenishing.  We stayed home, cooked some white chili and some homemade bread and relaxed.  I even took a walk, as it got up into the 30's.  We have had weather closer to teens for 2-3 weeks, which is little below normal here for this time of year.  I loved getting out and feeling the sun and looking around at nature.  Esp knowing, it still could be several weeks before I get to do that again.

I wonder if part of my problem is that I am moving this year.  I have noticed friends sort of back away a little.  I don't blame them.  People are busy.  I had a cousin come into town but was sick, so we did not get together out of fear I will get sick.  I am on an immunosuppressant and nervous about the flu.  She went on down 40 miles or so to see our other cousin, who has also been sick.  I told them next time.  I had coffee with some friends last night after work and it was great! 

I did some more project cleaning (including my entire downstairs) and my pantry and under kitchen sink.  I belong to a FB group called "A Bowl Full of Lemons" and they have a challenge room/area each month.  January is the kitchen!  That feels good.

I also dumped a car load of my DH clothes off at thrift store.  I listed 4 more of his suits and several other things and he threw 2 boots in for thrift and 1 pair out from wear.  He is really getting on board and I am proud of him.  I am tweaking my wardrobe a bit too, getting rid of more work clothes.  I have decided that quality stuff that is warm and useful that I might want when I am older, if I cannot sell it, I will store 2 boxes under the bed.  This is all the clothes storing I will allow myself!

I have steadily had a few sales, I am making a second pass at the house and taking more to RH.  Plan to get city house down to bare bones.  We have 4 more pieces of furniture (sideboard cubby, antique chest of drawers, antique secretary and one filing cabinet) maybe couple more to move before we stage our house.  Then we will only have 5 bookcases to move after our house sells, a couple of chairs, an armoire, a bakers rack and a file cabinet.  We are going to try to stretch this out over next 3 months.  Then we will have gotten our money out of an older suburban we bought, that we had to put a bit more money into than we expected.  As I start to feel the overwhelmed list, I think about looking at the new beginning, not the old ending.  There is more power in looking for the good in the possibilities, not the past.  I am now convinced I am going to sell my more expensive SUV and go without a 4th car, or trade it for a small truck.  We may not have luck selling outright, so we will try that first and then trade if nec.

We do still have a lot of hunting and camping gear, but now that we have pretty much decided I am retiring with him this fall, we might need it and figure that will be a good time to weed that out.  So much for no-buy January, I got an awesome deal on a brand new pair of leather Columbia hiking boots on PM for $55!  My DH found a good deal on a pair that he had been wanting for several years - Vasque.  So, I don't feel bad because they really are more of a necessity than the normal clothes we buy.  I just dream about those hikes we want to take in retirement state.  I think about that everytime i have to bundle up and walk my dogs here in city.  RH has a fenced backyard and doggie door!  Can't wait!  Have a wonderful week!

Bad Days

Yesterday was sort of a crap day, so was today.  Just blah, bad attitude winter yuck.  I went to see my DGM and she has fallen a 2nd time in 2 weeks.  She thinks this is her decline.  Is hard to discuss.  I lsugh and try to have fun with her, distract her, love on her, hear stories.  Then I cry 25 miles home.

Then this morning I planned my day around 3 people.  Last min all 3 people rescheduled.  I still sold 4 tops, a purse and after our team eliminated from the play offs, we were so disgusted, we purged a box my husband has had in his closet 10 years!  Lol.  He also gave me about 20 items to sell and 2 garbage bags to donate.  1 bag to trash.  So, the day ended up fruitful! 

I also cleaned downstairs and cleaned and organized the pantry.  Tomorrow i am doing master shower and under kitchen sink! 

I cleaned house like a fiend last night/this am.  Then my cousin who came in town for work stayed at hotel because she got sick with flu. I am going to relax and enjoy all my work to get some r and r with my DH.  Supposed to get freezing rain in a.m.  Stay warm out there!

A Break Already?

My longest break from blogging so far.  Busy working on a project at work.  Finished and did annual HCA on mine and DH to get $50 x2 on cards for prescriptions.  Then did online CE for insurance license and got that renewed.  Paid one other license.  Now I am ready to go home. 

I enjoy reading blogs.  I read a blog called A Cup of Jo and she asks everyone what they learned in 2017.  I like the post and I like the comments.  Some of them were inspiring.  I had a bad day yesterday, had a sort of disagreement with someone I was helping out.  I understand this comes with the territory, but it is still hard.  Is not my battle to fight...it is hers.  I just clean my side of the street.  I answered Jo's question as follows, still somewhat full of my new year's vigor which was almost extinguished in one tense conversation.  I have to learn not to let these things interfere with my joy (my word of 2017).

What did you learn this year?  A Cup of Jo
I learned that we are all connected in humanity and we are all of nature and essentially looking for the same things...shelter, water, food, safety...  By reminding myself that first and foremost I am a creature of nature and some things can be explained by science (I get depressed when my body is troubled, bad news accumulates in me and causes problems, I have tides and waves, even if I am not perfect I am still loveable (and loved), I am still learning, I still want to learn.  The more I learn, the better off I am.  The more I learn, the more open I am and the more open I am, the better I can learn to love others.  The more I love others, the more I can receive love back.  The more love I am capable of, the happier I am.  The happier I am, the more of service I can be and the more of service I am, the more I reflect the love and grace God has shown me through his son, Jesus.  P.S.  it's not always about me.

Happy 2018!

Happy 2018!  We are lounging in our pj's today!  I did not try to do 9am yoga this am.  The temp was -11 when I got up at 8.  I just felt I didnt have any business getting out.  Then we fixed a late lunch, DH always fixes black eyed peas with bacon, onions and jalapenoes NYD.  We had soup I made yest, fish I baked, spinach salad and deviled eggs.  It was good!  I took a bag of food, all of the above, chips and fresh salsa and avocado, to my neighbors.  They lost their daughter to cancer 3 weeks ago.  She was young, 49.  I figure they arent eating much.  The other night I rocked some homemade biscuits and deliv them a bag with another jar of apple butter.  We worry about them.  They were speechless and they really are going to miss us when we leave.

I had not sold anything in a week pair of DH boots - good they are gone, they were bulky.  Last night I sold a watch and 2 more of DH suits!  So great clearing more out!

I also had a couple purchases...I bought a garment steamer with our cc points.  I will get rid of ironing board next.  I also ordered a a new pair of eyeglasses.  I am concerned about some eye changes my eye dr foubd, high pressure and low macular composition...he rx some supplements.

Well, back to work tomor.  I hope to remember to write 2018 on everything.  I have treated myself to a paid spot in the parking garage.  $103 /month.  I have previouzly walked 2 blocks all these years.  But we lost our parking spots, so the walk is more treacherous now due to traffic, terrain and location.  The cold dark weather was just the excuse I needed. 

Have a great week!