Another Before and After and My Weekend River Exploring

 Well, I had a great weekend!  It was filled with rivers and exploring and meeting new people.  It was so fun.  I have met some really nice women (and a few men) in the hiking club I joined Jan of 2019.  I have been really blessed to find this group.  My DH likes to relax and stay home more than i do, and now that we have 4 dogs, one of us pretty much needs to stay home.  Now, I have told DH several times, if he makes some friends and wants to kayak or golf more, then I would be happy to stay home with the dogs too.  But so far, it is mostly me who explores and i am grateful.

A few weeks ago, one of my hiking friends said she was going to Southern Missouri to kayak and wanted to know if I was interested.  Well, I decided I should go before it gets cold and enjoy some time on my kayak!  The Chief first game was Thursday night, and since I had to get up at 4am, I went to bed and did not get to watch the game.  

This was taken as i was about halfway to my friend's house.  Since she does not have a truck, we took DH truck and she is on the way anyway.  About 45 min from me.  I got to her house about 5:15am and we loaded her kayak and were about 3 more hours away.  The rest of the group camped Thursday night and did one river Thursday, but we missed that river.  So, on Friday we met them at another river and we had about 9 kayaks and 1 canoe.

This first river was plenty of flow, but had low spots that acted like rapids due to the rocks and logs being flowed over quickly.  There was enough water to float, but one did have to pick our route and be aware of all the submerged rocks.  The sound as the water rushes over obstacles is loud - it sounded much worse than it was.  There was one place on this river where we went down about 3 feet on a "ledge" water fall - I was lucky enough to be in the middle, so a few of the other paddlers pointed out the best route and I made it through just fine.  I was too excited to take a picture of that particular area though!  Oh, and I did get to see an otter exit the river and run across the gravel bar into the woods.  It was cool!

Some of the group camped in tents and a couple had campers.  Few of us like my friend and I rented a cabin (a dry cabin), but at least it had AC!  It is still in the 80's during the day, but cools at night...yet this time of the year it is still pretty humid.  Even though it was 80's or so during the day, the water we were on was mostly spring fed - so the rivers were COLD!  I did not get in.  But i was in tank and shorts the entire time - we had mostly overcast skies, and just had a brief sprinkling one day, so we put our rain jackets on for about 20 min and then the sun came out for a little while.

During one of my earlier kayak floats this summer, I saw a gal with a dry bag that had big handle, like a tote bag, so I looked for one on Amazon.  I ended up getting one like a backpack, so can put most of my gear in one bag and keep it all dry.  I also got a waist pack to put my phone and my money/keys in that will stay with me and won't get lost if i end up in the river.  I can keep a jacket and a long sleeved shirt in case I need more coverage or get chilly.

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After floating Friday, my friend and I were pretty tired since we were up so early, so we fixed a quick and easy meal in electric skillet, showered and went to bed.  Next morning, Sat, we did another river and it was a beautiful float.  

It was mostly sunny on Saturday and this river had more water, again cold and spring fed - so we did not get in (on purpose).  Luckily, none of us were dumped either.  This river was a little more crowded, as it was bigger and it was Satuday.  But it was still a very nice float and I managed to stay in the middle of the group and have some peace and quiet to study the flora and fauna.  Saturday, we saw some birds, lots of butterflies.  We really enjoyed this cave.  We could get about 10 kayaks a time in the cave and paddle around in the dark - it was a little eery.

Saturday evening, we put together all our food and had a smorgasboard.  It was nice.  I still went to bed pretty early, because Sunday we were up early to pack for immediate departure after a shorter trip.  Friday we floated slightly over 10 miles, Saturday 8 miles and Sunday we only did about 5.  Sunday we were ready to head home after our final river, at about noon.

This last river, was the one that I found had more "strainers".  That is an area where the river either changes direction or has a feature that traps logs and roots to gather and then creates an obstacle for river navigation.  This particular strainer was a tree caught over on the left side and facing upstream with much of the main trunk/limbs still exposed, so when I about ran into it, the tree about took my head off!  After this, I asked one of the other paddlers with experience what did wrong and she said that i mostly did everything correct, sometimes, you just get caught up.  I probably should have paddled away sooner than trying to turn away at the last might (you want to keep your nose pointed downstream, so you don't get tipped over) and then when I hit the tree I pushed off (which is evidently wrong) but by trying to push away, I was at least properly leaning toward the object, instead of away.  When you lean away, your opening goes low and water gets in, flipping the boat.  I got away just breathing heavy, but breathing!  My strategy of following the experienced kayakers and going where they were going had served me pretty well, all weekend.  I think in the spring (sans pandemic) I will take a class for some formal instruction and learn some technique.

Anyway, all in all, despite it being such a long trip and being up so early every day, I was so glad I went.  But, GLAD to get home to my DH, my dogs and my own bed.

These last few photos are of my guest room make over.  I have 2 guest rooms, one we have set up like a sitting room, with a sleeper sofa and my office and in between the sofa and chair - I have room to do my yoga.  The larger one, we have a queen bed and couple of chests and a couple of new pieces of furniture from IKEA where we can now fit twice as many sweaters, sweatshirts, fleece and flannel and blankets/throws.  It is a little busy, but we need it to be roomy enough for guests but functional.

This was the room as it was in the listing when we bought it.

And now, it is a little more crowded, but our guests have a large queen and satellite TV!  And I can do my treadmill in there on really hot or cold/rainy days.  I love it.

Our house is a mix of small and quaint and function.  I am still getting rid of stuff, replacing with stuff that suits our new life now and improving the look and function of our possessions.  I am OK with keeping stuff that we LOVE, has value or works for us in some way (function).  Anything not fitting these categories I am slowly getting rid of (selling or donating).  I have listed several more pieces of our motorcycle gear and another 2 coats we don't need anylonger, but haven't sold any clothes in quite a while.  

Last picture is a mural on an old grain silo in a little southern Missouri town, called Monett.  It was pretty cool and it getting quite a bit of attention!  We waited behind a man from Nebraska to get photos and behind us were a daughter from Oklahoma and her folks from Texas.  Enjoy!

Tuesday mow day

Well, things around here are looking more like normal.  DH felt good enough to go get his truck licensed today and when he came home he actually started mowing the yard!  I was hoping he would feel better but stay in out of the breeze until it got a little warmer outside.  It isn't too bad but it is not what we are used to here in mid May.

My sister and I drove up to the city for the day sunday to see my aunt for her birthday.  It was a nice trip and visit we had.  I was glad to get out of the house.  It rained on us in the morning but sunny on the way home.  We got rain all last week.  I barely got yard mowed (front only) last wed, it rained every other day.

This week is looking pretty sunny and our garden and tomatoes really need it!  Was weird to get out after being in self quarantine for over 2 months.  We took a big piece of carrot cake by my Grandmother's residential place and felt sad not being able to see her.  Hopefully next month we can.

My girlfriend T is coming down from the city to stay sat night.  I made her this cute ottoman.  I asked her if she wanted fringe or no fringe, she said surprise her.  Which way do you like it?

Friday of a Long Weekend for me

Happy Friday.  We were supposed to get storms, but I think that is later today.  We are gonna run a couple of errands before the weather comes.

I went to Aldi yesterday.  I do all the food shopping for my house and in-laws.  I toyed with the idea of DH doing it, but think I am going to have him continue to isolate for another month.  My state governor talking about opening things up in the next couple weeks - May 4.  Since DH is not very healthy and has underlying medical conditions, we will take it slow and then probably just plan on isolating again near September.  I have thoughts that the virus will make a comeback in fall.

I finally told my "friend" I was resigning from the charity we started.  I told her last year before I got the paperwork done, that I would just get it up and running and then focus on job prospects.  Well, I have a new job (sort of) and with all the stuff she was asking me to do and all the group texts...I had enough!  I just blamed it on my new job, but honestly, I was not in agreement with some of the information being shared on the charify Facebook page.  Primarily, my friend is a zealous Christian and vegan.  I do not feel we are qualified to tell cancer patients what they should and should not eat.  Friend also comments about people not giving donations and I pointed out that some were possibly waiting for 5k (which has been canceled as of Wed) and some gave in work/filing fees - me.  She remarked back that we ALL have given money or time...uh, not our working friend.  The boss friend told me to assign working friend as Vice President - so "she does not have to do anything".
Boss friend pointed out that VP worked and was too busy and was not good about following through.  Meanwhile I get new job - she was just asking me do this, do that, post this, share that, etc.  Enough!

I feel like a weight lifted off me!

As for the job with the government agency- well I did 2 days training and did at least get paid for that.  But I have done literally hours of emails and paperwork and get emails anywhere from 5:30am to 10pm and have yet to get paid for that!  I finally got my laptop computer UPS to me Wed and email 6am this morning saying we will have more training - next Tues.  Ugh.

Here are some nice flowers to make me happy.

I will just consider today and Monday 2 more days of freedom.  But honestly, I am in work mindset, ready to get into a schedule and make a little money.  I feel grateful very much because I really do worry about the country right now and think the rest of 2020 could be ugly.

Be safe and find beauty where you can!

Thankful for friends

My friend, T came down from the city.  We stayed close to home while the tree trim guys cut down few more trees in our fence row and took all the brush piles!

I made us couple homemade pizzas for munch.  Then we did a bit of shopping around town.  I bought a shirt, T bought a cute desk. 

I fixed us some taco soup in crock pot.  We watched a cute Netflix movie "Holiday in the Wild".

Now chilling on couch with my pooches and a fire.  Hope you are warm and toasty where you are!

August is out of here

Can't believe that August is almost over.  This summer has flown by.  I guess that happens when you are really busy.  I made it through yoga class last night even though my friend, T was having leg pain and didn't make it.  She is having bad Charlie-horse type cramping pain and has for a while!  Poor T, I hope she can get some answers and find some relief.

I usually treat myself to a bought smoothie Wednesdays after I do yoga.  I make my own on Tues night and most days at noon, that is all I have - smoothie for lunch.  I am tired just thinking about tomorrow - I am going home tonight, unpack and do load of laundry, sleep in my own bed...then tomorrow I ride back up here with my sister for her to visit our granny and see aunt/uncle.  My sister is fixing up aunt/uncle with an I've-fallen-and-can't-get-up button - she works for one of these companies in neighboring state and can monitor it herself.  My granny has one too.

I noticed yesterday when looking at my granny's bank account that she has a large debit coming out of her checking - I called her to let her know we are coming noonish Friday to visit and she said we would talk about the transaction I referenced tomorrow.  I think she must have put down a deposit to move closer to her daughter and probably dreads telling me because she knows that my husband and I will do most of the work moving her - but I just want her to be happy.  She will second guess and feel like she has picked lesser of two evils - but when we moved her up here 5 years ago - who would have guessed she would arrive and fly past 100 with flying colors?!  Moving her where we did was the best choice at that time.  Moving again is part of life - we will get it done.  I will assure of all these things.  Of course, we would prefer she move south to be closer to us - but I understand she wants to be near her daughter/my aunt.  If my grandmother outlives her daughter, she will move to our state.

Anyway.  DH put together the last piece of furniture I bought - a cute white coffee table with storage.  He said it was like 25 pieces to put together.  And he discovered the drawer bottoms were missing!  UGH.  I sent an email this morning to Wayfair and supposedly they will send the missing panels.  I will let you know.

I will be back home Sat evening.  While we are up here, my sister and I are having a nice meal at our favorite shopping area in the city with a couple of my girlfriends who were planning to come down this weekend - but ended up having to cancel because T has an event Saturday with charity she is involved with.  So, I said I would come to them.  Now I dread it because I am so tired.

I think the fatigue I am feeling lately is a combination of my driving and working in the city away from DH now for the entire summer, along with some extra running around I have done because of my 2 classmates dying.  So, I am trying to get extra rest and eat well.  Limit my caffeine and junk - eat lots of colorful veggies and fruit.  Lean meat.  No sugar added smoothies.  I have about 6 more weeks and then I will have some much needed downtime. 

DH and I were thinking of going somewhere in Oct.  But I am leaning toward not doing much for Oct and Nov, I need to rest. 

I hope all of you are looking forward to a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Time Flies Even When You Are Not Having Fun

Have been crazy busy lately.  It's all good. 

I have stopped eating fruit early in the morning and stopped drinking coffee from the machine at work and I feel MUCH better.  I did have cheese Sunday morning and was bent over sick for rest of Sunday and all of Monday.  OK now.

Saturday we went to DH's aunt's funeral early in am, south.  Then we drove north to my hometown and to funeral of my classmate LJA.  It was bittersweet. 

Both funerals happy because I know they are with Jesus.  But sure is sad to say goodbye.

DH father is youngest of 7.  Is just himself and one brother left out of entire family.  We used to go to their reunions in small southern town of my homestate - they were really nice.  Can't believe almost all of the elders are now gone.  The cousin's have not kept up the tradition.  I am sorry about that.  My DH family is not social at all.  Well, of the 4 children, DH brother is social.  The other 3 - not at all.  Even my SIL I have to initate almost all interaction/socializing.  I am not good at this. 

After LJA funeral, DH drove home and my sister and I stayed and went to the dinner after and spent the evening at her husband and her lake house with 2 of my other girlfriends.  We invited several, but just us 4 with the widower.  Then, one of the guys came over and so it was 6 of us.  We stayed up talking and laughing until 2:30am!  My other childhood friend, from grade below us also stopped by and visited.  It was nice seeing he and widower catch up a little.  Widower told other friend that he would be down at the lake more and hoped to see friend more.  I know my friend liked that.  He had a difficult childhood and he craves friends to understand him.  Evidently widower was not in his late wife's trust and so now he has to move out of house in town (it will go to his son) and is moving down to the lake full time.  He grew up there, so he is aware, but I will worry because it is so quiet and isolated there in the winter.  My other friend grade below lives full time in Florida now.  But things will go as they are supposed to.  I just continue to pray for widower and for my other friends still struggling with cancer.  N was so sick he could not even attend L funeral.

Sunday morning, we rode in the boat over to other friend's in laws lake house and his wife fixed such a nice breakfast for us all!  (That is when I ate cheese - I KNOW better!).  Got home Sunday afternoon and crashed.  It was our anniversary.  DH had played golf earlier with his brother still down for aunt's funeral and he was tired.  I got home, did 4 miles walk in the heat and I collapsed.  So, we will celebrate our anniversary this weekend.

Monday, we mowed.  I went to bed early, then drove up to city 4:30am Tues.  Worked Tues - Thurs and here I am.  DH coming up to the city for his dr apt in am.  Will play golf again in am.  I will prob stay behind and clean house for my aunt I am staying with.  Then we will drive by lake 1 night and see Florida friend (his wife not coming till Sunday) and then get on home and relieve our dog sitter. 

Goodbye July, hello August.  Hope you have a great weekend!

Dog Days

Went to see a family member in the hospital last night, more about that another post.  On the way back, I went by our old temporary extended stay hotel.  I snapped a pic and sent it to DH for a laugh.
It is hot and possibly stormy here in city this weekend.  I think supposed to be drier my state, rain-wise.  DH is wondering if I will have to put up the convertible top.  We bought it in April and have not put the top up yet.  I will let you know.

Kali Coleman of MSN wrote this article, which I found interesting:  The “dog days of summer” refers to the hottest, sweatiest, most oppressively sweltering stretch of the year. And though you might think the phrase comes from worn-out, overheated pups laying lazily in the sun, too hot to play even one round fetch, you’d be incorrect. Turns out, the phrase “dog days of summer” has very little to do with dogs at all.

According to Christopher Klein of The History Channel, the phrase dates all the way back to ancient times, when civilizations tracked the seasons by sky patterns. During the hottest days of the summer, ancient Romans and Greeks noticed that Sirius—the brightest star in the sky—set and rose alongside the sun. And as Jay Holberg, the author of Sirius:  Brightest Diamond in the Night Sky, explains, Sirius is known as the “dog star” because it’s the brightest star in constellation Canis Major, which literally translates to “greater dog” in Latin.

Since Sirius moved in tandem with the sun during this time of immense heat, ancient civilizations believed the star was radiating all that extra heat to planet Earth. The Romans, therefore, referred to the phenomenon as “diēs caniculārēs,” which translates to “dog days.”

Thanks to advances in modern science, we now know that though Sirius is indeed the brightest star in the sky, it’s more than eight light-years away from the Earth. One light year, per the scientists at NASA, equates to nearly six trillion miles. For comparison’s sake, NASA puts our own sun as 92 million miles away from the equator. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to tell that Sirius is way, way too far away from our solar system to contribute a single joule of heat to Earth.

Additionally, our dog days are hardly the same dog days of ancient eras. The Old Farmer's Almanac says the current precise dog days of summer fall between July 3 and August 11. The ancient Romans and Greeks, however, are said to have experienced their dog days starting in late July. What’s more, as the universe shifts and changes and shrinks and expands at a never-ending rate, Sirius changes locations in the night sky.

“In 26,000 years, the dog days would completely move all around the sky,” Bradley Schaefer, a professor of physics and astronomy at Louisiana State University, told National Geographic.   “Roughly 13,000 years from now, Sirius will be rising with the sun in mid-winter.”

Wow, I love stuff like this.  I hope you get a chance to see the stars in between the fireworks this weekend.  And have the love of family and friends around you.  Today I am going to lunch with my aunts, it is my Aunt C birthday.  And later I get to see my DH and my dogs.  Can't wait!  Friday we go to Sam's - good times.  And Saturday I spend with my sister's family.  I already told her I was going to bring the 7 layer dip.  Now I am seriously wanting some - I am making a dairy free version.

Have a great holiday!

Speaking of dogs, this is me and my dogs in our closet when a bad storm came through this spring.

Thursday Throwback

Yesterday late, my friend's son posted a wonderful picture of his mom looking at him after his high school team won an important basketball game.  The look on her face is pure love and joy.  He is telling people that if they want to share stories about his mom, he will pass them on to her.  I have loved reading the posts.  So many people love her.  Funny photos.  Great memories.  We all need to share these things with our friends and loved ones every day.

Have a great Thursday. 

Friends

Friends have always been important to me.  I have a sister who is 4.5 years younger than I.  She and I have always gotten along and had each other's backs, but we are pretty different in our interests and temperment.

As the oldest child, I was very much about trying to be the perfect child, doing chores without fail, helping around the house, keeping my room clean, being neat and tidy and quiet.  Getting good grades and working as soon as I was old enough to babysit and do odd jobs.

My sister I will just say...she is very laid back.  Her half of our shared room was always in chaos and she was always procrastinating.  We are still much like this now.  I grew up, went to college, always working more than one job, excelling at my grades, climbing the corporate ladder.  While I was focusing on career, my sister was getting married and having kids.  She has 2 children.  A daughter and a son.  She works for a non profit and her husband does odd jobs.  They are on a very tight budget.  I am on a budget, now that we are retired.  She is on a really tight budget.  I don't know how she does it.

Last night we all went out to celebrate niece and BIL birthdays in January.  This is the first time in over 20 years that my sister and I live in the same state.  So, it was neat to be there.  To spend time with that part of my family.  DH and I had sort of a rough day, so to be able to accomplish showing up was important, because earlier in the day I had wished I could stay home.  I sat near niece and her husband.  He seems like a nice guy, he just talks nonstop.  He told me last night that he had Asbergers (sp?) and so he does not read social cues and he just looks directly at me and talks the entire time and I was hoping we would all have more of an entire table conversation, so that I could participate with my nephew too, who lives an hour and a half away.

Since I got home Saturday night late, I have been sick with stomach troubles.  I truly think it was because I was run down and tired.  On top of that I have been sick with worry over my 2 high school friends with cancer and my cousin with cancer.  I have tried to be supportive and it has taken a little bit of a toll on me.  Maybe just sort of withdrawing and relaxing is just what I needed.

I also have a friend who is struggling with mental illness, RT.  She did not find the ability to be at our reunion Saturday and I understand.  Plus, she is not as close as I am to the circle of friends who are the 2 with cancer.  This friend has had a very trying couple of years with her mental illness.  I think she is doing better now.

Another thing I want to blog about is my friend who just got out of prison 4 months ago, TC.  He actually drove the 3 hours back to his hometown to be at our reunion and we were all just in awe of his journey.  He grew up in the same small town I grew up in, with the mental health friend.  They were very close.

The town we went to school in, was 9 miles away.  So we all went to one elementary school together and in 3rd grade went to the other school with all of us who eventually went to high school.  NS and LH both went to the other school.  My friend SL who passed away from a heart problem in 2014 is another one of my longest friends, I had known her since we were 3.

NS and LH I have come to know more since we grew up.  Couple of my other friends from school invited me to a Christian Women conference this weekend.  I was pretty much looking forward to it, but I have some feelings from one of these friends, DW, that she and I do not really have much in common.  I find her moody and sullen and she is constantly on her phone.  This summer she texted me in a group text with the other Christian Women's Conference friend, BB that she was coming to the city where I worked and would call me for dinner.  I was very encouraged.  Well, that night I texted DW and she did not return my text.  She ignored me and I was hurt by it.  There is no way she did not get my text - she is on her phone constantly and constantly on social media.  So no way I am thinking she did not see my text.  But I let that go and was open to try to get reacquainted along with BB, our friend in common.  Well, something happened this weekend and I don't know how to deal with it.  So I am grateful for this format to write about it...

At the reunion, TC (out of prison 4 months) said he was going to visit RT for dinner this coming week.  I said that was great and I knew RT would be happy to see TC and I just tried to keep things light and positive.  What does one say to one who has been in prison 30 years and just got out 4 months ago, right?!

Then TC looks at me and asks "I heard RT husband was a &*^$$%^! (expletive).  I was stunned.  I did not know what to say.  I said how I felt about RT husband, different in some ways, not a &*^$$%^!  I could not believe it.  I have genuine fondness and compassion for RT spouse, as he is a really stand up guy and has been through a lot with RT.

On the way home, my sister and I rode with BB and her husband.  I relayed this part of my conversation and she said that a couple of days earlier when she and DW (the one I don't care too much for), that they had seen TC, that DW said "my husband would call RT husband a &*^$$%^!  I was floored.  I just sat there and later I had a good cry.  DW and BB supposed to be working on their Christian journey and sometimes I feel like I am their project.  And then this happens?!  About a seriously ill friend and I just don't know how to handle it.  How DW and BB can be so involved and vocal about their compassion and good works in Christianity, yet they distinguish between cancer and mental illness/addiction, I guess?  

I also had some uncomfortable conversation with BB about how hard it is going to be to lose such close friends if they die.  I reminded her that I already knew, because in 2014 I lost my friend SL to heard disease.  BB was not friends with SL, so she really hasn't lost a contemporary yet.  It is really hard.  Then BB and I had a difficult conversation about Christianity (my DH will not go to church).  I think I found a church I am going to try and see if I like it.  I told her that DH had a problem with organized religion and she said "that's just a cop out".  Uh, OK.  Again, not a real effective way to discuss something that someone else does not believe in.  Guess it is a good thing I am not assigned to recruit!  hahaha

So, I cry all the way home and I thought a good night sleep would be helpful.  And I talk about it all to DH and am in anguish that I don't want to go to a women's Christian conference with these too.  How could they be so judgmental and lack compassion for a fellow classmate who has mental/addiction issues is bad enough...but to spread such yuck to TC newly out of prison just has me sick, literally physically and heart sick too.

DH told me to decide Wed or Thurs and just bail out.  I am no where closer today than I was Sat night about how to handle it.  I could just drift away and make some distance, or I can go, listen to the message they are so enthused about going to and then, with love and constructive feedback, inform them how I feel and see if they come around.  Then I can drift if nec.  The upside, we all come away with a little more understanding and compassion.  And I can drift anytime I need to.  The downside is, I have no friends down here in my new state.  But I know I will meet people someday and maybe people who are more compassionate and less judgmental is a good place to start!

Keeping Score

It was a nice coincidence this morning that my inspirational emails were both about similar thing.  Motives and Keeping Score.  Maybe the true coincidence is timing.

Spending a lot of time with family can leave one feeling a lot of emotions.  I myself feel a lot of emotions.  Esp this year.  Maybe because we are retired and i do not have the distractions of work and career.  Maybe because I always miss my mom during the holidays.  Maybe because of the evolution of social media.  It is easy to fall into the pattern of comparing oneself.  One of my friends calls it comparing my insides to others outsides.  I suppose I still do that.  Its probably human nature.  I have some friends who are fully involved in social media.  I have some friends who fervently avoid it.  I try to keep a happy medium.  Enjoy the keeping in touch aspect, follow some bloggers and fashion instagrams, connecting with others I might not otherwise, seeing peoples families grow up.  Some groups on Facebook that I get a lot of inspiration from.  But avoid the negative pitfalls...There are a lot of them:  comparison, gossip, judgment, fakeness, superficiality, time wasting...not to mention the things I might be accomplishing if I were not on social media.  But I do find myself having much more free time now...And actually I am on social media less often that when I was bored at work all day.

Anyway, back to the score keeping.  It basically goes to the hard of one's motives.  The gift giving aspect of Christmas is very much deserving of at least a consideration of our motives.  That is an entire separate discussion.  I went to Silver Dollar City with a friend and her mom and sister Thursday.  It was really nice.  We walked around and looked at the shops and went to a musical.  Then we took in the lights and the lights were fantastic!  I got to watch a bit of glass blowing and pottery spinning.  I loved it.  Just the drive alone was breathtaking!  I also enjoyed the company and conversation.  My friends' mom commented that her neighbor brings them lost of baked treats.  And if they take her something, she immediately gives something in return.  I know a couple of relatives like that.  I think I am a little like that.  It is positive, I want to do nice things for others, esp when they have done something for me.  But the real reason we do for others is because that is what love is.  I will not really change my attitude toward this, but I will be mindful of my motives and most importantly, not expect anything back.

Many things are changing now that we are retired.  One of those things is plenty of time for reflection.  This time of the year I seem to take some time to reflect more.  It will be interesting to see how this is New Years time goes now that I am less busy.  I think the big difference is that I am looking forward to a new year more than ever.  I am looking forward to doing more things with DH.  Big things like travel and new interests, but even just fine tuning our day to day routine. 
He is gone all weekend hunting and I really miss him.  No deer yet, but he is going to stay until Monday if he still has not gotten one.  I want him to enjoy himself, but I don't really want another deer.  One is plenty.  I guess we will just be generous if he gets another.  He does want to be home to ring in the New Year with his baby.  Until then, we are limited to sending emails and PM (on social media - how ironic!)
Hope you all are having a great weekend.  Are you thinking of the New Year?  Any big plans?  Small plans?  Mindfulness or intentions?  I usually pick a word.  Mine is "receive".  I chose a very passive word intentionally.  I am changing already!

Merry Christmas

Have been pretty busy celebrating Christmas with families.  I am tired and ready for it to be over, but in a good way.  Between baking and helping my inlaws serve 2 meals, and having a nephew overnight, I am having some sore back and feel like I need to start my diet tomorrow!  I did manage to walk Sunday and Monday.  Today I did a mini yoga session on my own.  I think I will take a day off walking to rest my back.  Oh, we also raked leaves Sunday.

Last night we had dinner with my sister and her family.  Today I am hosting DH family.  Tomorrow should be pretty relaxing.  I feel the abundance in my life.

I hope all of you are spending your holiday with someone you love, or at least holding memories close.  I feel sad my DGM dear grandmother is probably spending her day alone, at least with her fellow residents.  My aunt was in the hospital with the flu the one grandchild besides me would would be there I guess he is sick too.

Sometimes our memories are all we have.  Sometimes we have to reach out to friends for companionship.  I know I have dwelt on these things much throughout my life.  I have learned to have a day to day relationship to God.  That is all I will need as I grow old, God wiling.
Let there be peace and gratitude in your hearts everyday, not just day.

Day 2, Friends

Alicia Bruxvoort in my Proverbs 31 Ministry email today wrote about friends...

"...He goes before us, and He stands behind us. (Psalm 139:5)
He walks beside us, (Isaiah 41:10) and He dwells within us. (John 14:17)

And, according to Joshua 1:9, when we’re short on courage, it’s in His presence that we find our pluck!
“… be strong and courageous. Never be afraid or discouraged because I am your God, the Eternal One, and I will remain with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

So next time we’re overwhelmed by the challenges that stretch before us, let’s remember the Faithful Friend who stands beside us."

I had several texts yesterday and this morning from friends checking in.  Saying hi.

We decided yesterday that with our dogs acting out a bit over so much change and our old boy sleeping so hard...we are wondering if he is soon leaving us, or if this is just a new stage...

Anyway, we will stagger our November visit back to city and not hire pet sitter and still be money ahead.

DH goes next week to play golf with his one brother and deer hunt with the other.  I automatically wished I had scheduled a girls weekend like we used to do...but very soon decided I would relish my solitude.

I can still text my girlfriends...

Have a wonderful Friday!  We are feeling so much lighter...we got 2 of our 3 new income streams going...AND DH received his earned time off monetary pay out.  Whew.

I am grateful for friends.

Last Day at Work

I did not come here to make friends.  I did not even plan to have any friends here.
At my last job, I left with my head down and my tail tucked.  The End.  No more contact.  No goodbyes.  No nothing.  It was horrible.  I know work friends are not like close friends/family.  But in my 20's through my mid 30's - this job was everything to me.  It still hurts me.  The finality of leaving.  The why, along with the how.  The continuing sadness and second-guessing.  Maybe someday I will have the courage to write more about it.  Suffice it to say, much of the news in the last couple years has brought back a flood of memories of my corporate experience from 1991 through 2005. 

A FLOOD of memories.

Anyway, I can say things here in this blog and the thin veil of anonymity that I do not feel free to say on social media.  My good friends can only feel so sorry for me for retiring at 51.  But the truth is, I am terrified.  My current work friend pointed out, "...you should not be afraid of retirement...[it] should be afraid of you..."

I am going to miss this guy, and many people I work with.  Some truly treasured and valued friends.  More on that, when typing about it does not make me cry.

I am going to let that be my mantra.  My Rosetta Stone, one of my professors used to say. 

Have a great Thursday, everyone!  I know I will.  Today is my last day at work.

My Last Friday at this Job

bank definition: 
/baNGk/ noun: bank; plural noun: banks
1.  The land alongside or sloping down to a river or lake.
"the bank of the great river"
2. a slope, mass, or mound of a particular substance.
"a bank of clouds"
accumulation, pile, heap, mass, drift...
3. a set or series of similar things, especially electrical or electronic devices, grouped together in rows.
"the DJ had big banks of lights and speakers on either side of his console"

My mom used to give us minimal chores to do around the house, esp in the summer.  I would always get up and do mine right away.  My sister would wait until 15 min before my mom would get home from work and do hers as quick as she could.  I was always thinking that I could control my chores or allotment of a resource to maximize it.

When I was little and it was nearing bedtime, I thought I could watch the clock closely and time would actually slow down.  Not just for me - for the universe.  I also thought the chuckwagon in the Chuckwagon Dog Food commercials was real - so what did I know?!

I have been saying goodbyes a lot and I am finding I am running out of time.  So, people calling me to see if they can see us before we leave...no more time...but we are flattered people are thinking of us.  Seems like we had all kinds of time, and now we have tasks practically every day until we get in our 2 cars and leave.  I am trying to manipulate my limited time by being really present in the moment and I have to say...why don't I do this more often?

I should not have waited until a couple of weeks before DH retirement.  But, I am not unique.  I see people all around me shoving as much as they can in each day.  Trying to maximize their limited allotment...of time, money, energy...If you bring up the subject with anyone, they will probably have a similar experience.

I have been trying to have lunch or dinner with an old friend for 9 months.  We are finally getting it done tonight, I think.  I will let you know if it happens.  Crazy.  Why I think I have to stuff as much into each day, inspiration, exercise, coffee with friends, work, errands, hygiene, nutrition, recreation, dog time, husband time, friend connection, social media time, news...I know when I take a few weeks off, I will look back and marvel how I "got so much done".  And how will that measurement translate?  It used to be the measuring stick I measured myself with.  Maybe that is what is truly scary for me about no longer being professionally productive.  I am pretty sure I will still do plenty of "chores" and get some worth from that.  The dark scary unknown place is the hours/days/weeks when I do not...

The reason I was thinking of a bank, is the concept that one can store supplies, or do chores and then have a lull.  I feel like my lull is close.  I left work Wednesday to get the pup a booster shot yesterday during my lunch.  On the way back, it started to hit me.  I feel like I am a little kid who found an unattended cookie jar and I grabbed a couple and now I am sneaking back out to enjoy my bounty in peace and quiet and without anyone to stop me and tell me I can't do it.  I think my husband is starting to feel the same way, because he actually talked about his feelings last night and I was floored.  He never does that.

We rushed to the dog park before it got too dark to let the pup run loose.  It is funny how often I am running somewhere to partake in my recreation/inspiration - that's gotta change!  I have been known to pass people on the way to yoga.  Seems counter productive.

Now, all these people coming out of the woodwork, wanting to see us, do dinner.  It is so fun, but sort of a bit of pressure to "do it all, see everyone".  My work sent me flowers this week and my project manager buying my lunch today.  I am going to lunch at fufu restaurant with 5 people.  Then play with pup.  Tomorrow helping Granny with some banking then picking apples out in the country north east of the city.  Sunday is football game at friends house.  Sunday night is dinner with friends.  Monday night, dinner/going away party...Crazy.

I am going to remember to truly be present.  Wonder if people will notice a difference?  I am glad I do this journaling/blogging because I really want to put all these memories in my "bank".

Back from a Quick Lake Trip

If you want only one thing too much, it’s likely to turn out a disappointment.  The only healthy way to live, as I see it, is to learn to like all the little everyday things.”
~Lonesome Dove

We drove down to the lake for the day Saturday.  We considered spending the night, but my friends had a houseful and our dogs were pretty stressed out.  Also, I was wide awake because I tried some of the Mio Energy - whew!  That stuff is crazy.  I don't do a lot of caffeine.  I was wide awake at 11:30.  Our dogs did better than we thought around the 2 big dogs that were there, but I just worried about them barking during the night.  But we were really glad we went and got to spend time with our friends.  I have known the 2 guys since I was in grade school and one of their wives since high school and I just really cherish such friendships.  And I am really happy to see Allen enjoy them and hang out with the guys.  DH does not have a big circle of friends.  In fact, he only has his family and 1 friend from grade school that died few years ago.  I respect that he is more reserved, but it is different for me.  I used to confuse quantity with quality.

I used to think it was just a disadvantage to have few friends.  But people can really disappoint sometimes and DH does not let very many close enough to disappoint him.  He is coming around and I am becoming less extroverted.  We are finding a happy medium, I think.  I am becoming more choosy about what influence and personalities and values I want around me and he is becoming willing to meet people.  I think we become more choosy about friends with age naturally, but I also think I feel much better about solitude than I did when I was younger.  Therefore, if I am going to spend time with others and give up some of my solitude, it will be with people that I really respect and value.  For me, that is a very good thing to weigh my solitude. 

We did enjoy some time with just our 3 friends before the neighbors and other company arrived Saturday.  That was nice.  I enjoy our talks. 

T is a nurse.  She and I both feel we have the problem solver role in many family and friends interactions.  our spouses are more reserved.  She said she sees the positive in someone until they prove her wrong, while J her husband is the opposite.  I feel the same way.  DH does not accept or trust someone until they earn it.  I accept someone and give them a chance, until they disappoint me.  Then i walk away.  And when I walk away, I don't look back.  While I see the positive approach of T and myself, it can lead to unmet expectations and disappointment.  I also think i have walked away too easily before, or at unrealistic expectations.  However, it is my nature and it is hard to change.  While caregivers can get positive energy from helping others, we can also become very drained from people.  This weekend I was feeling very drained before I went to the lake.  The last few years I have felt very drained.

At a time in my life I should feel the opposite, I am feeling heaviness of people around me who are having hard times.  I have had heavy times in my life and have had people prop me up.  So I want to return that valuable gift to others.  But not at the expense of my own sanity.  I have not yet figured out how to reconcile this - so, I will continue to explore this...But some of what I have come to learn is that the help and support I offer others has to come with no strings.  I spend time judging why they are in the situation they are in, what they did, what they could do different, or compare myself to them.  Of course, some people are in situations that are totally out of their control - but I feel this actually pretty rare.  We make a lot of choices.  I need to do less judging and comparing.  If I can give freely of myself with pure motives then I will do that.  I have had people ask me for advise or resources and then not do what they said they would do, not do what I advised or I have given resources to someone who did not use it wisely.  That leads me down a dark path.  I will give unconditionally, or not give and just pray. 

Unconditional love is a theme that keeps coming back to me, especially the last couple years.  I think I am starting to look through that lens to understand my past and help me define my boundaries.  If I gave unconditional love, like my creator gave me...and that is all I know to do.  Try to reflect that.

I know this is rambling...and I have much more to explore on this...and I will.  Thanks for reading.  I hope someone will chime in.  Have a wonderful Monday.

My Friends, N and T

I just learned yesterday that my friend N from grade school has cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.  I sat and cried silent tears at my desk at work.  Big hot heavy tears.

On the other hand, a friend of mine who did a very bad thing when he was young.  He has been in prison 30 years.  he is getting released this October.  One of my friends involved in this group text yesterday about N's cancer, told us about T sort of as a way of saying "here is some good news too".  T needs prayers too, to help him deal with life outside of prison.  Lord help me carry these burdens.

Mark 9:23: Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

Coaxing

I have been thinking about what retirement will be like.  Not the money, or the schedule or the to-do lists, or the relaxation or the clothes or the time...but what will my state of mind be? 

The other day I was waiting for my Aunt to pick me up.  I went to a ball game to see my cousin's son play ball.  I knew I went downstairs early, but I wanted to be out waiting plenty of time, because I knew we were cutting it close to be there at start of game.  A man also staying in the extended stay started chatting...all I can say about him is that he is good at coaxing.  Anyone who gets to know me has to be a little bit patient.  I am not an unfriendly person...I am just not great at small talk.  I don't really care about it.  So, I don't really do it too much.  When the man asked me my name, I told him and mentioned my husband's name...because he had seen us together and I wanted him to get to know my DH too.  DH and I both have very diff approaches to friends...more on this later.  The man's name is Bill, which is funny because DH and I know 2 other very talkative Bill's.

First Weekend in Extended Stay

We are pretty much accustomed to the noises and limited space and limitations of the extended stay hotel.  But, we are sleeping fine and managing to get our meals taken care of and the dogs are adjusting and doing fine.  There are many things that i appreciate such as the limited space to take care of, we are on the southeast corner (cooler than west side) and we can crake the AC and keep it really cool and we are paying for the electric or cable!  haha.  I also noticed that we cannot hear the fireworks in the neighboring housing additions very much which is good for the dogs.
We went out with friends Friday evening who all have June birthdays.  It was good to see our friends we had not seen in a while.  I ended up going to watch BIL band.  We were not going to go this time, since it was so hot and it was outside.  Then DH heard a rumor that one of my favorite singers was going to show up at this small dive venue.  DH told me to go and he was going to hotel to be sure dogs were ok.  Since it was in the opposite side of the city, i went with a girlfriend.  The rumor was false but I had fun.  Sat I shopped for my Granny and visited with my aunt who had been in the hospital for over a week.  Then I went home and DH and I went to a housewarming party for my good friend.  That was nice seeing people too.  We have been so focused on packing and moving, that we had not done much else the past 6 months.  Sun it was cool from an early morning rain and we went to one of our favorite state parks and hiked 3 miles, then lunch.  I got a few groceries and we relaxed Sun evening.  It was a full but fun weekend.

Rest

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/?m=1
My friend at work has a funny saying "crank daddy out a hit".  We were just talking this morning about activity level, health and how sitting at work all day 8 - 12 hours a day is not good for us.  It takes years to build up strength and endurance.  I walked with my girlfriend last night, T.  We were reflecting how long it has been since it was nice enough outside in this long Midwest winter.  Our usual 4 miles was harder last night.  We also discussed our yoga over the past 6 years and how we see progress being made.  But it has taken 6 years!  And this morning my work friend and I were talking about how just the last year of overtime has sapped us!  Years to build up, months to lose.  But, the important take away is that it is NEVER too late to start.  If nothing else, working out benefits my state of mind.  I think it will be more easy to fit in and more important than ever to continue this in retirement.  My DH has been eating a little bit better and walking more with golf and he has lost 12 pounds in 3 months.  Funny thing is, our doctor told him his sodium was low, so to drink less water.  What?!  That is crazy, but makes sense because he and I have been obsessed with water and I think it is because of 3 things:  1)  our Y*@i tumblers.  I love them!  2)  we gave up diet soda and 3)  this sort of goes together, but I think he and I both are more sensitive to salt/medications may be making us thirsty.  Either way, good news...unless there is some underlying problem I need to worry about...too late, I worry proactively.  We are really focusing on getting our required sleep every night with these last couple years of hard work on both houses, at our jobs and with my health condition.  So, here's to not worrying...not worrying that this weekend will AGAIN be cold and rainy and so we still will not be able to paint our deck...not worrying that my dogs health is tenuous and they will get sick again...not worry that my DH has underlying health issue...not worrying that I will soon be moving away from my 99 year old dear grandmother...not worrying that we won't sell our house soon enough...or fast enough...No, I refuse to worry.  I will focus on gratitude, rest and turning it over to Him...and lunch and a movie with my 2 aunts on Sat.  Life is good!

Keep

Keep on Keeping on
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/?m=1
I am in awe of people who blog for more than a few months.  This is hard!  I am trying to do the A to Z challenge for April, and it sounded like a good idea at the time.  But I am a little stymied.  So, I will talk about something positive.  My theme is Righsizing (I prefer the term for my  own purposes than downsizing).  Rightsizing is moving  toward the type of home and lifestyle that allows me to pursue some peace and quiet and let's me get to know myself and my needs on a basic level.  I also want to experience some down time.  I have never been one to sit still.  I have never been good at being alone either.  I have been lucky enough to be happily married for several years now and love spending most of my time with my husband.  Although I am with him most of the time and want to be with him most of the time, i crave some solitude.  I also feel comfortable working on projects and being busy, but I am also tired.  I  crave some time where I do not have projects looming.  I guess I am looking for what most people seek - balance.    I had coffee with some friends after work (after I bought doggy pee pads and had flyers made for the house).  Then I went home, heated up some leftovers for DH, had some left over salmon that I baked the other day and I put my favorite soothing music on and washed my face and brushed my teeth and promptly went to bed at 8:30.  I only woke up briefly to take my ear buds out and then fell back asleep until time to get up to get ready for work.  I feel great today.  So, while I talk a lot of all the stuff I am doing to get ready to sell and move, purging, selling, giving, throwing away...one of the things I will keep are friends with coffee and thanks to texting, email, social media, blogging and podcasts...I can feel plugged in to real and virtual friends. 
How do you keep plugged in?