Day 25, Grateful for Perspective

Maybe you’re experiencing a season of life right now where you feel...rejected, abandoned, disappointed, unwanted, alone...We all experience these feelings at one time or another. Maybe as a little girl or even a grown woman who desperately wishes her daddy would love her, an employee who longs for the approval of her boss, a woman who would give anything if her husband would pay attention to her, or one whose husband has walked away. Maybe you feel forgotten by friends or family during the busy holiday season, and loneliness and painful emotions threaten to steal your joy...When we find ourselves feeling this way, we’re faced with two choices. We can turn away from God in anger and frustration and develop a sour attitude. Or we can allow the words of the psalmist to motivate us to step up in our faith...Psalm 43:3, “Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live...If you’re feeling forgotten, by others or by God, let your hope swell and your joy return by intentionally believing that God will never leave you and is always by your side. Make a commitment to focus on God’s presence and the blessings He’s given you, and let God be the source of your joy...Dear Lord, I’ve been feeling...alone in this world...Forgive me for doubting, and fill my heart with the joy of Your presence. I commit today to seek after You, put my hope in You and praise You even when I’m struggling. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."
   -Tracie Miles

This really resonated with me today.   If have felt lonely and lost in my life...I developed bad coping strategies.  I persevered at my poor choices...I learned I can also make better choices...and preserver in the those.  Today, I try to remain hopeful, grateful and help others.  My feelings change like the weather in the midwest.

Wish me luck as we play golf in the wind today.  Cold front is coming in and all day temps will be dropping.

Have a wonderful Sunday.  Spoil yourself just a little today.  Start with a thought.

Day 25, I am grateful for perspective.

Mom's Pillow

My mom cross stitched a pillow that says "When things look down, look up".  I treasure it.  It reminds me of the simple homespun advice she used to give me.  Happiness is a state of mind.  Then I grew wiser and more worldly and decided her advise was oversimplified.  And I had more education and more experience that my mom.  My inner message of victimhood versus state of mind was easier than self accountability and bolstered by headlines and advertisements.  Headlines about people doing stupid things and suing people and advertisements about medicine you could take to make you happy.  You don't have to do the hard work - blame someone else...take a pill!

And then I turned another corner.  I started really looking at my place in how my life is experienced and realized much of how I feel really is up to me.  I am not saying that medication is unnec or a sign of weakness.  But I would rather try medicine as a holistic approach.  Try other things too, like exercise, eating right, rest and cleaning my side of the street.  Sometimes life is not just about who is at fault. 

As life hands us challenges, we learn we don't have to face it alone. 

From my daily Proverbs 31 ministries devotion.
How often do we turn our gaze inward and overlook the beauty our heavenly Father has prepared for us? How often do we concentrate on the things of this world instead of turning our eyes to what’s truly important?  If you’re like me, when it seems like joy has left the building, I need to remind myself often of what’s true: “This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).
     -KariAnn Wood

Burt Reynolds died at 82 yesterday.  He seemed like a fun loving, superficial guy who had everything handed to him.  But he wanted to be a foot ball player and was injured.  He had a slow start in acting.  He overcame his own obstacles, like we all have.  He used humor as a way to interact with the world.  Which I relate to.  I admired his roles in his light, funny movies.  And sort of feel like he reminded me a little of my dad.  My dad was a handsome, mustachioed guy's guy who also went through life thinking he had the world by string and had people admire him for the twinkle in his eye.  I can see why my mom loved my dad so much and stuck with him.

Patton Oswald, the comedian tweeted yesterday "Burt Reynolds & Clint Eastwood were fired from Gunsmoke & Rawhide at the same time.  Burt was told he couldn't act and Clint was told his neck was too skinny.  In the parking lot, Burt said to Clint.  'I dunno know what you're gonna do, but I'm gonna take acting lessons' ". 

God moves mountains, but you better bring a shovel.  Do the hard work, but do it with style and humor. 

BR said "All you really have in the end are your stories".  I am going to make some fun stories this weekend.  I hope you do too! 

I still want a 1977 Trans Am.

Gratitude

I have been getting a lot of bad news last few weeks/months.  My cousin who I love dearly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, given months to live.  My grandmother is 99 years old, her SIL is 94.  My FIL has declined, he is 84 and really slowing way down.  My uncle is also 84 and just fell, fracturing his hip.  My BIL diagnoses with lymphoma - he is stable and not being treated.  My good friend, N, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  My nephew in a horrible car accident.  I struggle with the doubt and fear.  What do I do? 

Feel gratitude.  My sister and I lost our mom at 24 and 19.  My late mother has 2 sisters that we love.  My uncle always welcomed us to come visit.  He was like a hero in my eyes.  He still is.  My grandmother has lived to the incredible old age of 99.  Her SIL is like another grandmother to me...and still alive.  Her daughter has lived a colorful, interesting life - many things I can relate to.  I feel close to her and cherish her.  I am watching my nieces and nephew grow and get their education, have careers, make choices, get married, learn lessons...My friends are starting to have losses, but if anyone can beat the C word, N can!  And my friend T getting out of jail soon!

I have in laws today that I love like my own blood relatives.  I am going to be able to live close to them and help DH care for them and be there for them. 

As I sit here and type, it is easy to feel gratitude.  To remember to give credit for these surpluses!  The original negative thoughts I had are natural.  Thank you Jesus

More Shopping...NOT for Me

I bought my DGM 3 new tops yesterday and took her a yummy cookie and 4 fresh tomatoes.   She is doing well.  I think it made her happy.

Had a project this week that gave me anxiety for the week leading up to it.  I gave a speech last night to my coffee drinker friends.  It went fine.  I love the reflection this project brings.

Along with the reflection comes the nerves...and body aches...and heart burn.  I slept poorly all week...until last night.  I slept till 10 this am!  I never do that at my house, but here at hotel, I just sleep.

Much of my pain came from sitting in a poor chair at work.  I made a slight adjustment in the seat angle to alleviate the pressure on my sciatic nerve (my right foot was painful and numb Monday and Tuesday).  Then Wednesday and Thursday my low back was on fire.

I rarely have low back pain anymore now that I do yoga, but I have not been for 2 weeks.  The anxiety caused by doing something hard is good for me.  It pushes me.  Makes me grow.  It was a lot to gave anxiety pain and physical pain from sitting in the same week...coincidence?

Sometimes pain shapes perspective.  Over time that perspective evolves into something beautiful.   I believe everything that happened to me happened for a reason, softened my sharp edges and brought me to where I am now.  And I am in a great place.

Have a great weekend!  We are here in the city this weekend.  Going to play golf tomorrow,  do that is exciting.

Naval Gazing

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is ... . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is.......going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . ..having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . ... not peeing in your pants.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jer 29:11

I have a little nagging thought this morning.  I was with a family member last night, family going through some hard times.  Some fracturing in the family.  Many in the family trying to deal with it head on, some trying to approach at a side angle.  Which is correct?  Maybe my other side of the family tendency all along, to not talk about everything, sometimes don't say anything...is that correct?  Why do I always feel the need to tell my feelings, side, perspective...maybe I should just shut up and listen.  Once something is said, can't be unsaid.  Where did this come from in me?  How do I admire and accept unconditional love if I don't have that as a value too?  Maybe it is some part of my desire to avoid conflict.  Do I walk away too easily...Self actualization starting here?  Maybe this is something I need to delve into...hmmmmmm.  Deep thoughts for Friday the 13th.  OK.  I am done thinking for today.  Hope you have a great Friday!

Perspective

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/?m=1
I am struggling a little with some personal stuff in my life with family.  Aren't we all?  I am worried about my niece and her getting married.  I project my own mistakes and choices and have a hard time talking to my sister.  She is VERY quiet and private and deals with things much differently than I.  So, I have a cousin I am close too also dealing with mid life, worry about our family older and younger family.  The sandwich years.  Hahaha.  But she and I deal with stuff by talking about it.  We have emailed back and forth a lot lately.  It really helps.  What I come away with essentially is that all these things that feel overwhelming.  I take then to God.  I believe in something bigger than me.  If I have a friend of loved one that does not believe in God, then I can talk to the nature/universe/harmony type of thing.  I don't have a problem couching it like that.  If someone thinks that is wrong, then that is a religion I would not be comfortable with.  Wow, religion...how did I get here?  Talk about a blog bomb!  Boom.  But, I know that opinions come from people with life experience.  Complicated, multilayered, unique and sometimes messy lives.  I just know what works for me is perspective.  I am learning later in life to sit back and be quiet and listen, likely my perspective will be seasoned if I let it.
Hope your Wednesday speaks to your heart today.

Anxiety

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/?m=1
I am going to try and do April A to Z challenge this year.   I am not totally up on the technology, but I will give it a shot.
My theme is rightsize.
A for me stands for Anxiety.  Marrying another person who collects lead us to accumulate.  11 years in our house lead to lots of stuff.  In 2 to 6 months we are moving.  I have been purging for 2 years.
2 houses has lead to excitement and anxiety.  Too much stuff = anxiety.  Too much stuff means too much physical, but also too much mental.  I feel like I have been dealing too much for the last couple of years with "stuff" and not as much on personal experiences with people who matter to me.  Some weekends I tell me husband "stuff is winning".  But, I know that my perspective has shifted and now my actions follow and soon, it will all be worth it.  Out of necessity - selling one house means I have to get rid of a bunch, over half our stuff.  But, also out of a desire for something different.  I think it will be a lifelong process, but one that I am willing to put in the hard work. 
Happy Monday everyone!  Today it is gray and snowy here in the Midwest.  We won't see the sun till Wednesday.  Some April Fool, Mother Nature!  Do you all have any good April Fools jokes?  Once I had a co worker who always played jokes on people.  I am not good at practical jokes.  I cannot keep a straight face and on the phone, I laugh.  But one year I enlisted the help of a 3rd friend to call joking friend and tell joking friend that his vehicle that was at the mechanics was going to cost $1000.  He about had a fit!  The fun thing was, I worked with him.  So when 3rd friend called joking friend, myself and a couple other co workers were in the other room listening to it play out.  It was so fun!  Tell me some of your experiences, I can always use more ideas!  HAHA

Ghosts

I love Dr. Kathy McCoy's blog:  Dr. Kathy McCoy:  Living Fully in Midlife and Beyond.  She talked 3/16/18 of Ghosts that linger and how our early life can affect us.  Not only does she discuss this, but what we can do about it.  I really like this post a lot.  It really was a good reminder for me, that the things that happen, albeit difficult are the things that shape us and make us who we are. 

I have one more hurdle this month that is always hard for me...3/26.  in 1993 I became a widow on 3/26/1993.  More on this later.  I am at work now, so I can't go there.  But it is a very important part of my journey and shaped me significantly.  So stay tuned.  Please go read Dr. McCoy's blog if this subject interests you.  Even well adjusted people can use the suggestions/reminders, sometimes. 

it is really rainy and gloomy here, but the day has been so busy that it is time for me to go home!  Have a great rest of your Monday!

A Break Already?

My longest break from blogging so far.  Busy working on a project at work.  Finished and did annual HCA on mine and DH to get $50 x2 on cards for prescriptions.  Then did online CE for insurance license and got that renewed.  Paid one other license.  Now I am ready to go home. 

I enjoy reading blogs.  I read a blog called A Cup of Jo and she asks everyone what they learned in 2017.  I like the post and I like the comments.  Some of them were inspiring.  I had a bad day yesterday, had a sort of disagreement with someone I was helping out.  I understand this comes with the territory, but it is still hard.  Is not my battle to fight...it is hers.  I just clean my side of the street.  I answered Jo's question as follows, still somewhat full of my new year's vigor which was almost extinguished in one tense conversation.  I have to learn not to let these things interfere with my joy (my word of 2017).

What did you learn this year?  A Cup of Jo
I learned that we are all connected in humanity and we are all of nature and essentially looking for the same things...shelter, water, food, safety...  By reminding myself that first and foremost I am a creature of nature and some things can be explained by science (I get depressed when my body is troubled, bad news accumulates in me and causes problems, I have tides and waves, even if I am not perfect I am still loveable (and loved), I am still learning, I still want to learn.  The more I learn, the better off I am.  The more I learn, the more open I am and the more open I am, the better I can learn to love others.  The more I love others, the more I can receive love back.  The more love I am capable of, the happier I am.  The happier I am, the more of service I can be and the more of service I am, the more I reflect the love and grace God has shown me through his son, Jesus.  P.S.  it's not always about me.

Expectations

A blogger whose blog I read wrote last week about putting pressure on herself and then not meeting expectations.  I related a lot to that.  We spend, spend, spend (time, efforts, resources, money) up to the crazy holidays, then I feel guilty and restless when I just sit still and then the day after expect my checkbook, my weight and my gastrointestinal system to be at normal.  Not so fast!  Then, add in some advertisements about sales, some social media posts where people's outsides don't look like my insides...YIKES.  Let me off the treadmill!  At least now that I am in middle age, I am a little more seasoned in my perspective.  But I do really feel for people who are young and naïve going through this time.  I used to absolutely mourn post Christmas.  Now I LOVE it.  I still do sort of expect a little too much from myself, but I just remember that today is just for today.  Yesterday is over and tomorrow is not guaranteed.  Just enjoy...and put one foot in front of the other.

Cold, snowy and gray today.  Back to work.  Back to sitting and having too much time to think and less distractions.  But I am happy, because my perspective is getting much better with age - just like good leather and wood.  I don't say wine, because I do not drink.