This Is Me! Day 19

This was from my Proverbs 31 Ministry devotional Friday...
"I lay in bed, eyes wide open. Everything around me at rest, except my mind. It's racing once more, reminding me that the darkness that is night, is not the only darkness that can rise. There's another that can fill our hearts and minds. Anxiety. Guilt. Regret. Those are my bedtime companions. The foes of a soul not at rest."
  -Katrina V. Wylie

The phrase that caught my eye:  "boundaries are not burdens" they are gifts.

Especially helpful after my trip back to family in the city this past weekend.

Just ran to the store and stocked up.  I may have to go again to help with DH family dinner Sat.  But I got my shopping done and got what I was planning to fix and bring.  Sat night SIL told me that her mom told her she is not doing the majority of the holiday meals this year.  And SIL said she and I are doing, and that Christmas dinner might be at my house.  Sure would have been nice to have been privy to this discussion.  I told DH and he just shook his head.  Seems like a bad year to change everything, why not wait until SIL is retired next year.  Oh, well.  I will just roll with it.

I will talk more about my anxiety later.  Not ready yet.  I am still dealing with adjusting to my new life in retirement and the huge money adjustment that goes with that.  I know everything will work itself out.

Just one foot in front of the other.  I will send some of that energy out in yoga tonight. 
Have a great Monday!  Day 19 and I am grateful for yoga.

If Someone Told You to Jump of a Bridge...

My dad instilled in me the instinct to be aware, question what the herd is doing.  I used to hear this quote a lot, especially as a teenager.  "if someone told you to jump of a bridge, would you?".  I ask questions...it might stem from my anxiety/slight OCD, but I think mostly because I grew up on a very busy lake and rode horses all over the countryside at a young age.  On the airplane I watch the safety demonstration, I use safety glasses, I participate in the fire escape exercise, I never ride my motorcycle without a helmet, I always wear my seatbelt in a car.  If I am in a boat (especially enclosed), I am going to wear a lifejacket.  Even if the people around me are not, I would at least have one in my lap.  Now I wonder if the life jackets not only would not help,  they may impede one getting out and under away from the canopy.  I know I have taken risks and made bad judgments.  I truly feel that but for the grace of my higher power (I choose to call God), there go I.

My husband and I have kayaks.  I have only gone out in it a couple of times, on non moving water.  I told my husband a couple of weeks ago that when we take our first trip on a river, I will be wearing lifejacket and a helmet.  I am a strong swimmer.  But I am not 20 anymore. 

There is much talk about the storm coming "out of nowhere" or whether it was pretty clear it was coming well before the boats left shore.  I know someone whose wife was delivering CPR to some of the victims.  I know many friends who have ridden these duck boats (I have not).  I am not crazy about going out on my lake from childhood anymore...just too busy and choppy.  I am too nervous and I have worked too many claims (more about that some future blog).  But people do it all the time, all summer.  Now we have learned 9 of these victims were from one family.  So sad.  Really makes me ponder.

It is so sad those people were out on the lake during a storm.  I have ridden my motorcycle in a couple of storms, maybe someday I will blog about it...but today, my thoughts, my prayers and my heart are going out to all those people on vacation, trying to show their fsmily a fun time.  Some question the decency of bystanders filming it.   Anticipate all the lawsuits...but this event serves as a reminder how precious life is, how powerful nature is and how we gotta take care of each other and pay attention.

Understand

I could title this post A for Anxiety again.  But I already did one titled Anxiety.  Plus, this resource I found sort of moves beyong Anxiety...to awareness and coping.
I just listened to Claire Bidwell Smith's book "The Rules of Inheretance".  Which I loved.  And I found she has a podcast.  I listened to her explain her 3rd book, coming out this fall.  is titled "Anxiety, The Missing Stage of Grief".  As someone who has explored (after avoiding) grief, I would not exactly say I was missing it, BOB....hahahaha....random movie quote.  Anxiety has been holding my hand for my entire life, I think it just intensified and I am just now making the connection, that it could be grief...more specifically not dealing with grief...that has lead to much of mine.
And how ironically I am sitting here listing to her first podcast and I see on social media that a good friend of mine lost his mom.  She was a 90+ year old feisty little German lady named Ursula.  And I loved her.  My heart aches for her son and grand daughter.  And my friend's wife, her daughter in law.  Another good friend of mine.  RIP Ursula, you will be missed.

Anxiety

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/?m=1
I am going to try and do April A to Z challenge this year.   I am not totally up on the technology, but I will give it a shot.
My theme is rightsize.
A for me stands for Anxiety.  Marrying another person who collects lead us to accumulate.  11 years in our house lead to lots of stuff.  In 2 to 6 months we are moving.  I have been purging for 2 years.
2 houses has lead to excitement and anxiety.  Too much stuff = anxiety.  Too much stuff means too much physical, but also too much mental.  I feel like I have been dealing too much for the last couple of years with "stuff" and not as much on personal experiences with people who matter to me.  Some weekends I tell me husband "stuff is winning".  But, I know that my perspective has shifted and now my actions follow and soon, it will all be worth it.  Out of necessity - selling one house means I have to get rid of a bunch, over half our stuff.  But, also out of a desire for something different.  I think it will be a lifelong process, but one that I am willing to put in the hard work. 
Happy Monday everyone!  Today it is gray and snowy here in the Midwest.  We won't see the sun till Wednesday.  Some April Fool, Mother Nature!  Do you all have any good April Fools jokes?  Once I had a co worker who always played jokes on people.  I am not good at practical jokes.  I cannot keep a straight face and on the phone, I laugh.  But one year I enlisted the help of a 3rd friend to call joking friend and tell joking friend that his vehicle that was at the mechanics was going to cost $1000.  He about had a fit!  The fun thing was, I worked with him.  So when 3rd friend called joking friend, myself and a couple other co workers were in the other room listening to it play out.  It was so fun!  Tell me some of your experiences, I can always use more ideas!  HAHA