Thursday, May 24, 2018

Needs

Yesterday I talked about learning what our individual needs are.  If we don't really know what they are, we could end up using substances or behaviors to make us happy.
The list of all the possibilities given to me as a participant in a nutritional/diet plan are these:  (All:)  Personal time, give/do for others, recognition, movement, sleep, approval/acceptance, order and closure, time alone, territory (physical space all their own), financial security, being with people, competition, learning something new, anticipation, music, project, physical contact with others, variety of experiences, structured time, unstructured time, one on one attention, group relationships, empathy, humor, spirituality.
I am sure there are others.  I never really had the insight to figure these out for myself as a young adult.  Now that I am older I have explored these so I can better meet them.  I used to rely on substances, superficial experiences, short term pleasure (shopping, eating, spending money) to have pleasure.  Now I am not as interested in immediate gratification, but better able to see the big picture and delay for goals and more fulfilling lifestyle.
Last evening I fulfilled several needs and navigated a small obstacle with my DH.  My girlfriend T and I were going to take a full mattress and springs we are purging to my dear grandmother's apartment about 25 miles away, then take her set back to T's house.  I was giving my set to T, but my DGM had needed another mattress that was not as thick so she could more easily climb in and out of bed.  So, I gave my set to DGM and DGM set to T.  Well my DH informs me that it all will not fit in our SUV, but it will fit in my small truck, diagonally.  Well, I was not keen on the idea of driving down the interstate with mattresses catywompas, so I stalled and consider renting a truck.  DH suggests 2 options 1)  that DGM at 99 years old "use a step" or 2)  "that she just buy a new set".  He knows little of the elderly and their ways.  Neither option would be optimal.  I felt it was up to me to fix this and just leave him out of it.  My girlfriend T (who is my hero) borrowed her husband's full size truck and we get it all secured in the back of it, laying flat where we would be more certain it would not catch any air.
DH taught me how to use the motorcycle straps (I had been needing to know this for a few years) and viola - I helped others, we got rid of a bed, my DGM has a mattress set that is newer and at least 4 inches shorter and T got her new-to-her bed (including the frame and mattress pad) - and heck, I even threw in 2 new pillows, and we are all happy.  And T and I learned how to use the bike straps, just in case we ever want to trailer our bikes. 
I could have had DH help me more from the start on this, but sometimes I just leave him out of things when I know he will get frustrated and want to take the easy way out - usu involves 1)  doing nothing, 2)  throwing money at it or 3)  getting someone else to do it.  I want to learn more of direct cheapest way and doing it myself.  T and I considered wrestling 2 full size mattresses and springs from my house, to DGM apartment and then to T's house and up her stairs our wed workout.  I was only slightly less tired than my Tues night hot yoga!  I also took DGM my 2 working lamps to replace 2 of hers that were unreliable.  The first thing she said was "'those are a lot smaller!".  When I relayed this to DH, I told him it reminded me of something he would say.  Funny how DGM is blind until it comes to lamps that are much smaller.  They were slightly smaller and her other two dysfunctional lamps were supposed to be the same height, but one was like 3 inches taller.  WTH?

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

How to Purge Stress

Nature
Ask
Meditation
Action
Sleep
Think
Exercise
Sorry this is so long.  But i guess i needed it.  Have been pretty stressed lately.  Situational stress I think.  But, stress is stress and many around me are stressed, so it has been on my mind...
I just had to google how to spell exercise.  It was because I hesitated on it.  If I just did it quick, I would have remembered, ha!  I cannot overthink or multi task anymore.  I think it is a product of age and overload.  I have this a lot, plus more and more senior moments!  Instead of letting this get me down, the past year or so since I almost lost my Granny - I include the thought that even though I am feeling my age more and more I am privileged to reach late middle age.
I read a post recently on one of my FB groups I like and the person was asking how to purge stress.  So I thought about it.  I have found myself thinking out this before I read this particular post.  I have thought about my own personal needs to try and figure out why I feel stress.  I use a coping skill.  I went through above and put some of my coping skills into an acronym.  These are not in order of importance. 
Nature - is what my mother used to tell me I needed.  When I was a young woman away from her in the city working on my career, she would sense on the phone if I was tired and say you need to go outside.  When is the last time you got out of the city.  Now you will even hear people put a label on this called "grounding".  My mother was ahead of her time.  I think the thing about nature is that it makes me aware the universe is much bigger than I - and that immediately changes my perspective.  Whatever problem or discomfort I have, I am not alone and I am not the center of the universe.  It will pass even if I do nothing.
Action - can I do something about the cause of the stress?  Can I make a list.  Can I figure out the worst case scenario and figure out a way to deal with that?  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Maybe nothing even close to the worst will happen, but if I have planned for it JIC, then I am more ready.  I wonder if I should give up this philosophy, but old habits die hard.  The best action I can take is to just plan sometimes.  Planning helps steer me toward thinking before I take action and planning is an action in itself.  Can I plan a reward now or later to get me through something hard?
Meditation is sort of the exact opposite of Action, although the better I get at harnessing my thoughts, the closer it resembles action to me.  Focus on my breath, my heartbeat, my place in the universe, being still and present and I am automatically calmer.  Google the vagus nerve and how important it is.  It is truly amazing how much this nerve impacts our wellbeing.  And it is amazing how just some deep breathing will affect the vagus nerve.  I mentioned this to my cousin who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and she laughed and said "Vegas?!".  Well, it does sound the same.  I do think humor is important and it an integral part of my demeanor - but if I am too stressed, I cannot find the humor at first. 
Ask for help.  Either from a person or from the universe.  To me, asking the universe is prayer.  I give thanks for my blessings and ask for God to help me.  Even if you don't believe in God, by being a living creature we can look to the universe and to science.  Energy is undeniable.  If you need to feel better, harness energy.  Energy from art, music, laughter, beauty, nature, love.  Read an inspiring poem, book, etc.  I swear just the power of classical music can reduce my stress.  I often listen to celestial space music to help me sleep.
Sleep.  I have a chronic health condition and I have been trying to learn how to deal with it for most of my adult life.  My condition affects my digestion, my skin, my joints and my eyes.  It also gives me brain fog.  I get very depressed about my condition sometimes.  I have learned that stress and lack of sleep affect me very quickly when I have stress and lack of rest.  I have learned that by resting, I feel better.  This was a very hard adaptation for me.  I have never been one to get 8 hours of sleep.  Most of my education and professional life I got 4 -  6.  Well, not anymore I regularly get 8 and sometimes I even get 10.  And it is ok, my arse did not fall off!  Isn't that something I deserve without anything more?  Certainly something I have earned after working so hard so many years.  I plan to really experiment with this, maybe even take a nap once in a while (gasp).
Think.  Think of what is causing the stress.  Not the cause of the feeling of stress, but why whatever trigger created a reaction in me.  Is it something real?  Am I in danger?  Am I doing something that is inconsistent with my values?  Am i in fear?  Am I angry?  Am I tired?  Do i have a need that is not being met?  I took a nutrition course through my temp employer about 5 years ago.  It had to do with making good food and eating choices.  Many of our food choices are made out of emotion.  It taught me that we all have essential needs and if we can tune into what these
needs are, then we will be better able to find ways to meet these needs without food or other harmful substances and behaviors.  My vital needs are:  spirituality, order/closure, financial security, give/do for others, personal time, being with people, movement.
Exercise.  For me, this has been such a part of my personal hygiene that it is as normal as bathing and eating.  If i do not move, i pay for it.  I have had an active program of movement since i graduated from high school.  When i was in public school, we had PE.  PE lead to some sports and dance in high school and that caused me to think about how exercise benefits us.  I have done it regularly every since - 30+ years.  Not only does it cause neurotransmitters to be produced in our bodies - but it causes strength and tolerance, confidence and helps me clear my head.  I can't live without it.  I plan to be doing yoga and walking as long as I am literally able to move.
I hope someone reads this.  I get so much inspiration and connection from the things i read, especially blogs because they are so personal and not agenda driven.  I hope someone can connect with me on this entry.  What have i left out?  What do you do to combat stress?

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Procrastination?

I just had my DH gather our car VIN's and mileage last night.  We are paying way too much for insurance so I am in the process of comparison shopping.
Today I am waiting for an assignment, so I started reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul - The Joy of Less.  I love the very first quote "If you want to make an easy job seem might hard, just keep putting off doing it" - Olan Miller.  So true.  Have a wonderful day every one.  I am not going to put off insurance shopping any longer!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Another Load Done

Back to "what I did today to prepare for our move".  We took the load of all the garage stuff that had been in the SUV for two weeks and unloaded.  We are seriously running out of room!  But I think we have about 1 more large stuff (grill, outside iron chairs, ladders, file cabinets, occasional tables, golf bags etc) we will move with bikes/trailer.  And then we should just have about 2 more full loads of misc kitchen, personal effects, clothing).  So, the light at the end of the tunnel...as they say.
We had friends I have known since middle school who stopped by RH on their way from my hometown (his mother passed, they had memorial and worked on decluttering her lake house).  So, we did not get as much done as we usu do, but we had a nice visit and stayed up way too late enjoying a firepit night. 
We briefly visited with my sister in law and her husband (road our ATV's by their house/through their field).  They both seem really tired and both are tired/stressed from dealing with his mother's home/estate - 3 hours away.  Brother in law had a lot in common with my friend from middle school - he is now going through the very same thing - smaller in scale (friend's mom was not quite a hoarded).  But friend is a single child and they live 20 hours away in another state.  It sure does make me think about 1)  how I will deal with my own estate (lifetime of decluttering/purging).  Either I will kick it in gear if DH goes before me, or I will not have to worry as much - as he will be forced to deal with it.  Either way...I am looking at my belongings in a whole new way.
I am interested in hearing other peoples thoughts on this.  Or just what you did this past weekend?  Summer plans?

Friday, May 18, 2018

133 Days

Till we are finished with these jobs in this city.  I am wondering how different it will be when we don't have so many irons in the fire and what good things we can fill into that time!  I got back from my latest road trip doing pretty well late Sunday night, but I must have been on autopilot because I crashed and felt terrible Wed and Thurs.  My stomach really hurts and body aches all over - super tired.  DH thinks it was a "bug" because he was really tired the week before.  Well, I was so tired yesterday I skipped yoga and went to bed at 7:30pm.  Slept great.  I feel quite a bit better today.  Just in time to drive 4 hours and unload a large heavy load.  Oh, well...We are seeing progress...slowly.  I am thinking i will get up early and take a nice long walk at RH Sat morning.  I have heard nothing about the CH we are selling inspection, radon test nor appraisal...guess no news is good news.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Friday Eve

Taking the last of the worst load to RH this weekend (basically our entire garage).  So heavy stuff like tool box, tools, car washing cabinet, motorcycle jack/lift, etc.  We will have another load of large stuff better moved on the trailer than in the SUV, but it is not heavy stuff.  Then all we will have left is clothes, kitchen, bathroom and misc. 
DH is having hand surgery 5/30.  So, he will be unable to help much after that, but I am thankful for the timing being what it is, we will be mostly finished.  We are thinking about selling our large SUV then.  I will be on a mission to further reduce our vehicle/bikes and to lower insurance costs by going to liab only on a couple.  We are just paying so much in insurance/taxes on these depreciating assets that require so much time and energy maintaining.  I am over it. 
Today is Thursday!  Or Friday Eve!  Have a great day!

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Waiting

Yoga last night was refreshing.  Hot and hard, but worth it.  Slept great.  Except my male dog was restless and had some issues last night with pooping accident.  Monday night he seemed to be panting a lot.  He is really slowing down.  I worry about him.  Taking to vet today for shots.  I will tell them about our experience with temp vet and them both getting so sick.
Today I am so tired...not sure it is the extra push in yoga last night, but my husband had this last week or so.  Thinks it is going around, or allergies, or both.  I will go for walk after vet, if I can before it gets dark.
A lot of my weariness is from the inspection, radon test and appraisal process.  Just feel like when you are selling your house without a realtor, people sort of try to "test" you.  Well, test away because we know what have a great house here and that someone will want it.  I am sure the buyer still wants it, but sure would like some reassurance.  The inspection was stressful, we have heard nothing on radon that they collected monitoring equipment for Monday (how long does it take? - I guess no news is good news).  And the appraiser called me yesterday questioning my value and asked for my research - um, don't you work for the buyer/her mortgagor?!  He said since there are no comp villas but for the one for $255 a year ago, he was going to compare our villa to townhouses instead of single family homes.  He also disputed the square footage that I took directly from the county tax assessor site.  We shall see.  I think since the buyer is putting $80k down, we should not have a problem.  But I cannot help worry.  I just need this day and this week to pass, so things feel more definite and I can feel sure that all our work packing and moving are for real.  Can't imagine if this falls through - having to stage the house again.  Ugh - there is stuff everywhere.
I will just sit and calm myself with breathing, meditation and abiding in Jesus.  Jesus please lift this anxiety from me, I trust in You.  Amen.