Free Produce

Having a great week!  Got some wonderful free local produce given to us.  Plus, I have a chance to get out to the country Sat to get 5 gal bucket of free apples.  I want to make apple butter again.  I did it in the crock pot.  The hardest part is the cutting up of the apples.  And canning is a lot of work too.  So, this week we ate leftovers and used meat out of the freezer and saved a trip to grocery.  Blew the grocery budget last week, nearly $200 at Aldi's.  Who does that?  I need to get better about planning and using what is offered for the weekly sales and supplement produce with farmers market in season.  But, I shopped free, pantry and freezer this week.

I am getting over the huge hit to my budget I took this past weekend.  Very much a want, not a need.  Oh well.  I have worked a lot of overtime this summer, so no big deal.  I just dug a little deeper into what things I could pare down and came up with a few more things to list on ebay, Craigslist, FB marketplace and Poshmark.  Everythng is so SLOW right now to sell, it seems like.  But, today I finally made an ebay sale.  Often a sale will seem to spur other sales.   

I have been feeling really good after having a bad week last week.  Have a challenging medical condition.  I pay attention to food, supplements, stress, rest and medication.  I have been on some really serious medicine for it since mid June.  Side effects include my hair getting really brittle and falling out, mouth sores and muscle soreness.  I think side effects are better.  I feel either really good or really bad, no middle ground.  I have given up soda (1 year), dairy (2 years) and artificial sweeteners (6 months).  I try to eat only once or twice a day and have smoothies the other meal/s.  I only have coffee on weekends.  I have black tea during the week. 

Fall and cooler weather makes me happy.  We turned our AC off last night and opened the windows.  I walked with my friend and enjoyed our chat.  Then went home and relaxed last night.  I love the chill in the air.  Have a great weekend!

Happiness

100 days of happiness! 

Ideas, concepts, trends, a dance, a song...go around on the web.  Like 40 days of lent cleaning out your house instead of giving something else up led me to a really great FB group that are all about organizing. 

Then organizing led me to decluttering and decluttering led me to minimalism and that led me to be more aware of what I am focusing on in my life.  I will never be a true minimalist, but then, I don't want to be.  But I would like to have less clutter and stuff to worry about, esp as I prepare to move into a smaller home and move toward retirement. 
 

100 days of happiness is something I saw on another blog and I may be a few days late, but I'm in! 

Why wait till November to think more of what I am thankful for?!  100 days approx till the end of the year.  Can't believe it.  I am happy today for a life that is slower, a little more conscious and more focused on what I have, rather than what I am lacking. 
 

I had to send a difficult email today to a colleague in another state for some free lance work he had me do.  I was a little puzzled at his request in the first place, for an envelope.  Everything in this state is done online, so the envelope really does not matter, but in his state it does.  And the client is in his state.  I was really upset that I cannot find the envelope but once I fessed up to him and sent the email after checking and rechecking my entire house (my house is in various stages of packing and moving). 

I felt better that the email was over.  Pressed send, then will deal with his response.  It is what it is. 

He responded.  Said don't lose any sleep, but if I find to send to him.  Well, there it is.  Oh well.  He may never ask me to do any more free lance, but things happen.  I am happy today that I am not going to let it ruin my day, just like I did not let a fall in the puddle walking in to work ruin my Tuesday. 
 

Have a great Wednesday!

Death

What a light subject.  I lost my mom (DLM) at a fairly young age.  I was 24.  She was only 47.  She lived for about 12 to 13 months after the diagnosis.  I had just moved 600 miles away to another state.  3 weeks after I relocated to another state, we learned about my mom's cancer.  My boyfriend, who was diagnosed the previous December with cancer.  He was 29.  My beloved late husband.  We got married in 1991.  More on DLM and BLH in other posts, I am sure.  There is a LOT to unpack there.
 

My father (F) died just 3 years ago.  F was devastated when DLM died.  I worried a lot about F while I was working in a diff state, 600+ miles away, dealing with BLH cancer.  But, F remarried soon.  To C (crazy).  C was crazy, but not mean.  Just crazy and selfish.  She took half of what 1)  my dad and my mother had worked 30 years together to build.  She and F had a bumpy marriage, surprise.  Enough about C.  If I come back here, it will be because of how F let this all happen.  Not because of C.  C was opportunistic.
 

Eventually my husband (BLH) passed away, I was 26.  2 years to the month after my mom passed.  That was the closest I ever was to F, when he supported me after losing BLH.  He and my dear grandmother came to my home in another state and helped me through the hospital, the dying and the memorial, funeral and burial.  They were very supportive of me. 

Looking back, I know how hard this must have been for them, both of them also being widowed.  And they loved BLH, he was a GREAT guy.  Plus, I have always been very close to my DGM. 

Not too long after that, F and C parted ways.  F eventually married A.  A was 3 years older than I.  But my DGM and my sister and I were hopeful that F had found someone to make him happy.  Fast forward about 20 years later and F is on his death bed from cancer.  By now, A has made it clear to DG, D3 and I that she does not like us. 

Over the years, once my DGM became too old to host holidays, we stopped getting together.  My sister and I each lived in different states.  DGM lived in same city as F and A.  A said to my DGM that A hated having people in her home.  Told us she did not want to exchange gifts and once got furious when I bought my sister a gift, but not buy A's daughter.  Over the years when A would be mean to my sister and my DG, I would speak up.  A and F have a boy.  His only boy.  I tried to get to know my half brother, but it was hard since he is 30 years younger than me.  Most of this, I took in stride, understanding that A just wanted to be a family with F and not have 2 young women barely younger than herself as her "instant family".  But when A was mean to my DGM and sister, I spoke up.  It affect my relationship with F.  The tipping point was when my F and A starting taking money from DGM. 

I had enough.  DGM was selective in what she would share with me, knowing my relationship with F was already strained.  Eventually, it started coming out because DGM got older and more frail and it began to take a toll on her.  By this time, I could not longer tolerate the casual once or twice breazy phone conversations F tried to initiate with me, knowing what he was doing to his own mother.  So, I told F I could not just go on like this, casually speaking once a year and meeting once a year at a restaurant for Christmas, usu in January.  I called F to tell A to stop putting my DGM in the middle.  If they wanted to ask questions about me, then call me.  Period.  I was not going to play that game.
 

I did not have a big falling out with F.  I just told him that when I came to town to see DGM, I would not be continuing to make attempts to see him because it was too painful for me.  I was worried about DGM and how they were treating her.  So, in the new technological age of 2012 I unfriended F on FB!  Very anticlimactic.  It was like pulling off a bandaid for me.  Quick and clean.  My sister, D3 wisely left the door cracked open. 
 

Anyway, the reason all this came up in my mind is a relationship in my life now with F's sister, my aunt (A1).  A1 sort of went along with F and A, using DGM's resources.  I worry a lot about 1)  whether DGM will have enough resources at the end and 2) her state of mind knowing how her kids have acted and 3)  her state of mind already thinking she has lived too long and if she was dead, then they would have received their inheritance.  I have tried to relay this end of life message to A1.  This past weekend, I was a little more direct. 
 

I know these things to be true because when F was diagnosed with cancer in 2013, I decided I could not let him die without making amends.  For my sake and DGM sake.  So, I called him.  I went to see him about a week after he was diagnosed.  We had some casual catching up to do and I just tried to smooth things over, be positive and helpful.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. 

DH encouraged this truce.  So, even while the dependence on my DGM intensified, I was supportive of her helping her son.  As long as she felt like she could afford it, I was on board.  Then, after about 8 months, F stopped treatment.  The request for money became a request for part of her estate, now, before my dad passed.  DGM finally had to say no.  I enlisted my DH to get involved.  A had always liked DH.  DH is a nice, tall, handsome man.  DH is quiet and thoughtful.  DH used to be a police.  DH knows how to exert an air of authority.  DH knows how to calm emotional family situations.  A trusted him. 

DH and I called a meeting with A, as F lay dying and my DGM was sick with worry.   DH told A that she needed to "man" up and assure her dying husband that she and AJ (their son) would survive without him.  That F lived a good life and left a wonderful legacy of a son and they would miss him - but they would survive.  She assured DH that she had told F as much.  DH explained to her that F had told me and his mother that he was afraid for A and AJ. She tried to deny again, but then she admitted that she was indeed scared she would lose the house and would have to move and she did not want to.  She wanted AJ to be able to stay in the same home after his father died.  She worried how AJ would pay for college.  She admitted that they all figured DGM would have died and left money for them to pay off their house and pay for AJs college.  And she cried and agreed that she would try harder to reassure F.  It was only in the subsequent moments of reflection that DH and I recounted this strange conversation and realized the gravity of the admissions A made.  To this day, we still marvel at how selfish and weak A was, as we tried to teach her how to support a dying loved one.
 

I am now in the stages of navigating a similar message with DGM daughter.  A woman in her late 70's.  A 70 year old woman who expects others to help her.  I recently helped her.  I don't feel used, but I feel tired.  And blessed. 

Because the F that I saw who let his values become negotiable, is the same F who taught me my work ethic.  I guess it was more my mom who taught me the value of a dollar. 

Two Steps Forward

One step back.  At least that beats one step forward, two steps back. 

Some great strides in decluttering and saving, then I see something shiney.  Oh well.  I had saved up some money for a couple of things and so I feel ok as long as I try to stay away from impulse buying.  I had planned to get something nice for DH retirement and now that is out of the way.  I can work almost a year trying to add back to my savings to make up for that. 
 

Lots of festivals this time of the year and that is so fun!  Yesterday we went to an art show and a car show.  We had a great time, even though it was in the 90's and humid!  We also went to a great meal out Friday night and they serve family style, so LOTS of leftovers!  Also 3 friends have given us fresh produce, so I am not going to the store until late in the week, we are working on our pantry and freezer. 
 

Today we are going to a movie which is a rare treat.  We almost always do matinees due to keeping cost down.  Then we go pick up our used car that has been very challenging with all the repairs we had to shell out within months of owning it.  But I look at it like, now the vehicle has basically been rebuilt, so should last us several years. 

My DH also sold his newer truck recently so we could put that money in the bank to be able to pay off RH when we sell our CH.  It should happen still.  I also recently did a small financial assist for a family member and gave to Red Cross for hurricane and bought a shirt to help animal shelter.  So, that makes me feel really good.
 

This weekend, I thoroughly cleaned master bath everything!  Lights, doors, baseboard and floor.  I will finish up tonight with scrubbing the grout.  I also caulked a place around front door window panel and repainted that trim. 

I read another blog who recommended you hire an inspector to go through and point out stuff you can address beforehand.  I may just have BIL who has built houses do that.  I also have a friend who is really good at staging and when she was here last month, she gave me lots of ideas that I wrote down on a list.  I did not get rid of much this weekend, but now that we will have our big SUV back, I can take a giant lamp to my aunt (A2) and I am taking a large houseplant and 2 giant planters to my SIL2. 

I wish I had started blogging sooner so I could remember all the stuff I have sold, given away to family/friends and given to thrift stores.  It has been pretty substantial.  Here are a few examples:  clothes, shoes, jewelry, collectibles of certain name brands sold.  I have used Facebook market place, ebay and Poshmark.  Furniture: FB, garage sales and Craigslist.  Plus I have given plenty away.  Sentimental stuff goes back to where I got it, or on to younger people in my family.  Sporting goods, expensive small items mostly ebay.  I had a freezer that we called bulk item pick up and I have put several large things we don't want, that have little value that I have sat by the curb with a "free" sign during our neighborhood garage sale.  I will do a whole post on Poshmark sometime.  All these things I have probably make over $5000 in the past 2 years.  I also gave away some large houseplants free on Craigslist. 

The older I get, the more I think about cleaning and maintaining certain things.  I am getting tired of houseplants, but I still keep a few.  DH and I really hate to kill houseplants.  I would rather give it away.  My health condition is cooperating with me great this weekend, feel great!  I walked yesterday before it got warm and I will walk later today again, AFTER the NFL game!
 

Hope you are getting a lot of fall projects tackled!

First day of fall Friday

So I got my walk in last evening after work.  It was nice, a little warm but nice therapy.  I have been walking regularly (I jogged for a few years) for over 30 years, since I graduated from high school.  I walk outside and inside.  I have gone through two treadmills.  I just sold my last one to downsize. 

 

I walk as much for relaxation as anything.  The weather lately is not like fall, it is in the high 80's low 90's and pretty humid.  Oh well, it won't last long.  We need rain at RH or I rely on my in laws to keep things alive and I hate for them to have to worry about it.  My DH parents and sister are great to help us when we need to, or we could have never bought this house and started getting it ready for when we retire ahead of time, like we have done. 

 

This month officially makes it 3 years that we have been dealing with 2 house payments, 2 insurance, 2 real estate taxes, 2 utilities...it has been great, but a little stressful (first world problems).  But we could not have done it without dear IL and my SIL and BIL. 

 

Today SIL had to oversee 2nd delivery of our new dishwasher.  The first one they installed had large defect in the surface covering about 1/3 of the front panel.  Our existing appliances there are white (I hate) and the cabinets are white (I love).  We could not find a nice updated slide in electric range (and were not willing to tear up entire floor to run gas line) in white, so we got stainless.  I have heard all the stories of fingerprints, smears, etc.  But white was not working out and we did not want black.  The kitchen is sort of small and a little closed off and the black would have been way to dark for the space. 

 

The house itself is small ish 1400+ square feet.  Our current city house is about 2700, but has a large storage area and 2 full living areas.  We felt it important to go slightly smaller and with true range/one story lay out.  This RH is also older than CH, but we fell better built.  So both houses seem to have things they need at the same time - that has been fun.  This year we have purchased a water heater and washer/dryer (CH) and a roof, range/oven and dishwasher (RH).  At least we have paid case as we have gone along. 

 

Also last year we finished more laminate floors in CH (to get it ready to sell) and enclosed a car port at RH.  Next will be a new AC for RH, but at least we got the one for CH purchased a couple of years ago (the unit on CH was less than 10 years old and just quit). 

 

I am told that builder grade things are like that and we see this over and over in CH.  Even how the siding and doors/windows on the SW side was done wrong, leading to water rushing in when we first moved in and requiring a sump pump in the basement - which all fell on us and HOA, instead of the builder (not my decision, this was the mindset of the HOA person/hired by builder).  This eventually has lead to ever increasing HOA fees and a deficit to our neighborhood account.  Some of my neighbors are very concerned and try to get answers and some of the neighbors seem to just "trust" it will all work out.  DH and I are just looking forward to getting away from it before there is a large assessment. 

 

Oh, and while we feel lucky home prices seem to be rising which is good for sellers, taxes on both places has risen steadily in the past 3 years.  We are really basically just over the stress of two places.

 
Well, this weekend I have not decided what my project will be at CH to do something to help the process of selling it.  There are plenty of things to do.  Maybe I will scrub the white grout in the master bath.  Whose idea was it to use white anyway?  Duh.  There are lots of fall festival type activities in the city this weekend and a movie we want to see, so we will have some fun and make run to appreciate my gratitude for the present and not wish my time away too fast! 

Hope you have a great weekend if you are reading this, thanks for stopping by.

Thursday walk day

Well, I managed to get GM books up to date.  She is fastidious about doing her "books" since she was a bookkeeper by trade in her younger years.  She also worked at a boutique and was a later in life artist.  Her enjoyment of clothes and shoes is evident as soon as you see her and her painting talent is evident as soon as you see her artwork. 

 

My DH and I hung as much as we could fit on the walls, all around her apartment so she can enjoy it.  I share her love of clothes and art (although I have not indulged in learning to paint nearly as much as I would like, maybe in my retired/semi-retired years?).  She really began painting in earnest once my GF was killed in a tragic accident, when she was in her 50's and became a talented and sought after artist who sold her paintings and paid for her trips in her Golden years with her fellow-widow Sister in Law.  SIL is still alive also, in her early 90's and lives about 30 miles away in her assisted living facility. 

 

Up until about a year and a half ago, GM and I would shop regularly.  Then she started having some issues with her health and became unable to get out as much.  I still help her by ordering things for her and buying from the stores and bringing things to her to approve or disapprove of!  She enjoys the compliments others in her independent living facility give her about her cute clothes and shoes. 

 

I DO NOT share her love of bookkeeping!  I took over her books last year mid-year, so I basically just continue the entries as she started and with her direction.  When the new year started, she got sick and it took me about 4 months to get the entries to balance out because her annuity and pensions adjust  as do her insurance costs and so it is confusing. 

 

Then this summer there were some atypical entries and I was stressed about getting July and August done, which I finally did last night, to both our relief.  She had her baseball game on blaring so she could keep track of the happenings and I worked on the entries in the background.  Tonight I hope to go straight home after work and take a 4 mile walk listening to my library book since I missed Tues because I was tired and not feeling well. 

 

I am going to attempt to include a photo of the gallery wall I did in my RH living room.  The deer jumping is a large cross stitch done by my dear late mother (DLM) that I found last summer, the deer head was one of DH trophies, the barn and the pheasant were painted by my dear GM and the landscape painting was done by my dear MIL.  The small pheasant pictures are thrift store finds.  Have a great Thursday!

 

Wednesdays with GM

Well I made an error in my first blog post ever.  I guess everyone refers to family members by initials.  So, I should have typed DH instead of husband.  I don't even know what the D stands for, 'dear'?  Anyway, it's a learning curve.  Today I am not nearly as talkative as I felt yesterday.  Maybe that is part of the curve.  Like, where to start...what to say...Today in the Midwest it is pretty warm for this time of the year, highs in the high 80's.  So, I actually enjoyed wearing a dress and sandals to work today, but with a jacket because it is always freezing cold at my office. 

After work on Wed I usu go visit my 98 year old grandmother.  GM I guess.  How lucky I feel to have a GM who is 98 years old.  I turned 50 this year.  My folks are both deceased.  Cancer.  I lost my mom early, she was in her 40's and I was in my 20's when she died.  This GM is my paternal GM.  My dad passed away 3 years ago.  So, after my dad passed, we moved GM away from my dad's city to the city where I live now.  My paternal aunt (PA), her daughter also lives here.  One of the people I will be very sad to move away from is GM.  When she moved here 3 years ago she never expected to be alive at 98.  I am glad she is, but I try to pray for God's will.  I was mindful of this this past spring and tried to come to terms with what He might have in store.  I pray my GM will not go through a long, protracted decline.  She got sick after having a surgery in March, just before her 98th birthday and for a few weeks, we really thought we were going to lose her.  It was a long spring.  She lives alone in an independent living facility.  Her meals are fixed for her and her apartment is cleaned/linens washed.  She does her own personal laundry.  She likes books on tape and baseball.  She cannot hear or see well so her quality of life has diminished a lot.  She has a lot of friends who visit and call her.  This past year I have really seen this diminish too.  She gets anxious because she can't understand when people try to talk to her and when she asks people to speak up, often they just repeat what they said in the exact same tone.  I can imagine how frustrating that would be.  So, I go visit once a week and call at least once a week.  I wish I could do more, but she is about 50 miles from where I live on other side of the city.  My work is about 1/2 in between, so it is handy to go see her on Wed or Fri after work. On these days, I try to have DH dinner pre planned, because he does not cook and would resort to snacks and unhealthy stuff...or just eat nothing.  Ugggghhh.

Lately I am doing a stretch of OT at work and this has gone on since July.  I try to get an extra 5 to 10 hours a week on top of my usu 40.  It has helped me get a few things for retirement house (RH).  I bought a new window, a new stove and a new dishwasher.  More on RH later.  In my posts, I want to include something about what I am doing to prepare for that move.  Some days, it seems very little.  But, really just working and paying bills, saving and paying as we go for improvements/projects is as good as it gets, and for that I am grateful.  I also try to do at least one small project at city house (CH) a weekend while I am in town.  We go to RH about once or twice a month.  Lately, we have done less of that because of my OT.  So, this past weekend I regrouted between the sink and the counter the length of my center island where the sink is.  I know, ambitous, huh?.  I also put out 2 heavy dehumidifiers that we will no longer need/have room to store at RH.  RH does not have a basement either, while CH does.  They were marked free and both were taken.  It was our neighborhood fall garage sale this past weekend, so that felt good.  The week before that I sold my treadmill and elliptical that I stored (and used) in large basement storage room in CH.  I was a little surprised they sold so quick and both together.  This winter I will have to be a little creative in my workouts and I will also just up my yoga a bit.  Well, back to work...See you again soon.

Gotta start somewhere...

So I have been fascinated with the process of a blog for several years.  My favorite blogs to read are ones where people just talk about life.  I especially like when one is blogging for an event or change.  So, rather than regale my friends and family into listening to my stories over and over about how much joy I am getting from reducing my clutter and getting ready to move 225 miles away (this bring sadness to family and friends I will be moving away from), I thought I would talk to the blogosphere and see if I can meet some like-minded folks out there.

Plus, I have a really teadious job that gives me sometimes several days with not much to do, followed by furious crunch time work.  Very hard to find a balance.  I probably should have called my blog Finding Balance, but that would suggest much more zen type of content, which I probably would fall wearily short.

My husband is getting ready to retire in 10 months.  283 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes and 25 seconds...give or take.  Who's counting?  Part of what attracted me to this idea is the intention to write through this process and see if I was able to, wanted to, keep this up for the 10 months.  Another part of me wants to see what writing is like since I will have a lot of free time (God willing) once we retire and move.  My husband is a little older than I am, so I am not sure I will totally retire or work a 3rd career (I have already been through 2 careers, not counting all the work/jobs I did since I was 12 years old up until I graduated from college).  I think I am a bit too young, restless, impatient, spendthrifty...scared, OK scared is a fair word.  I am a bit scared of what this will bring.  Some of my fear is about money, but about equally scarey is what my life will look like...will I like myself?  Will I feel I am accomplishing enough?  Will I?...what if?...what about?...

I have learned that journaling is a good thing.  But I want more than just journaling.  I want to get to know others out there who are going through something, needing a bit of contact.  Not only are we relocating...we are moving to a very small town from a decent sized Midwestern city.  We are going south about 225 miles to another state.  We want it a bit warmer (me, not too warm).  I have lived in this state before, in another life.  Well not really, but I lived there over 20 years ago.  I liked it there very much, but I was younger and single and restless and in career-mode. 
I am not really scared about the small town part, I grew up in a REALLY small town.  My husband has never lived in another state.  But he and I are both sick of the city and sick of the pace and sick of having to get out and get around in the cold. 

More tomorrow, I hope.  We'll see how this