Three More Weeks

And we close on our CH.  I think DH is feeling the stress as much as I am.  We handle it differently.  He holds it in becoming more quiet and then takes it out on inanimate objects.  I am an open book, letting everyone around me feel my stress, talking about it and taking it out on him.  I recognize it early and intend to get a handle on it BEFORE we are stuck in an extended stay hotel for 3 months with 2 small yappy dogs while we undergo probably the most intense change we will face as a couple.  I will be saying the serenity prayer a lot!  He gets mad and lets me know it, but then pretty much moves on.  I get mad and then adopt a fatalistic outlook and I have to keep that in check.  This is just temporary and we will get through this...just stop asking me where random objects are!  There are boxes everywhere and I have a pretty good idea what is in them, but I don't stress too much because everytime we take a load, we unpack and bring most of the boxes back to reuse.  This is how we have done our entire move.  I think we will be pretty much organized once we get done - well before we actually move permanenty.  But is also makes me feel like we have been moving for 2 years.  DH assures me he is onboard and agrees with my strategy and is grateful for it.  Thus our pattern emerges...me deciding stuff, then second guessing myself and him honestly telling me what he thinks.  I better get used to steering, I think he is going to have me steer more and more and I have mixed feelings about that.  I can't ignore the map, steer wrong way and then yell when he corrects me.  Likewise, he can't criticize when he did not help me decide on a course ahead of time.  Have a great Tuesday people.  I am curious how other people navigate such big changes with their loved ones.  Anyone out there listening?  Anyone?  Anyone?  HAHA

How to Purge Stress

Nature
Ask
Meditation
Action
Sleep
Think
Exercise
Sorry this is so long.  But i guess i needed it.  Have been pretty stressed lately.  Situational stress I think.  But, stress is stress and many around me are stressed, so it has been on my mind...
I just had to google how to spell exercise.  It was because I hesitated on it.  If I just did it quick, I would have remembered, ha!  I cannot overthink or multi task anymore.  I think it is a product of age and overload.  I have this a lot, plus more and more senior moments!  Instead of letting this get me down, the past year or so since I almost lost my Granny - I include the thought that even though I am feeling my age more and more I am privileged to reach late middle age.
I read a post recently on one of my FB groups I like and the person was asking how to purge stress.  So I thought about it.  I have found myself thinking out this before I read this particular post.  I have thought about my own personal needs to try and figure out why I feel stress.  I use a coping skill.  I went through above and put some of my coping skills into an acronym.  These are not in order of importance. 
Nature - is what my mother used to tell me I needed.  When I was a young woman away from her in the city working on my career, she would sense on the phone if I was tired and say you need to go outside.  When is the last time you got out of the city.  Now you will even hear people put a label on this called "grounding".  My mother was ahead of her time.  I think the thing about nature is that it makes me aware the universe is much bigger than I - and that immediately changes my perspective.  Whatever problem or discomfort I have, I am not alone and I am not the center of the universe.  It will pass even if I do nothing.
Action - can I do something about the cause of the stress?  Can I make a list.  Can I figure out the worst case scenario and figure out a way to deal with that?  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Maybe nothing even close to the worst will happen, but if I have planned for it JIC, then I am more ready.  I wonder if I should give up this philosophy, but old habits die hard.  The best action I can take is to just plan sometimes.  Planning helps steer me toward thinking before I take action and planning is an action in itself.  Can I plan a reward now or later to get me through something hard?
Meditation is sort of the exact opposite of Action, although the better I get at harnessing my thoughts, the closer it resembles action to me.  Focus on my breath, my heartbeat, my place in the universe, being still and present and I am automatically calmer.  Google the vagus nerve and how important it is.  It is truly amazing how much this nerve impacts our wellbeing.  And it is amazing how just some deep breathing will affect the vagus nerve.  I mentioned this to my cousin who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and she laughed and said "Vegas?!".  Well, it does sound the same.  I do think humor is important and it an integral part of my demeanor - but if I am too stressed, I cannot find the humor at first. 
Ask for help.  Either from a person or from the universe.  To me, asking the universe is prayer.  I give thanks for my blessings and ask for God to help me.  Even if you don't believe in God, by being a living creature we can look to the universe and to science.  Energy is undeniable.  If you need to feel better, harness energy.  Energy from art, music, laughter, beauty, nature, love.  Read an inspiring poem, book, etc.  I swear just the power of classical music can reduce my stress.  I often listen to celestial space music to help me sleep.
Sleep.  I have a chronic health condition and I have been trying to learn how to deal with it for most of my adult life.  My condition affects my digestion, my skin, my joints and my eyes.  It also gives me brain fog.  I get very depressed about my condition sometimes.  I have learned that stress and lack of sleep affect me very quickly when I have stress and lack of rest.  I have learned that by resting, I feel better.  This was a very hard adaptation for me.  I have never been one to get 8 hours of sleep.  Most of my education and professional life I got 4 -  6.  Well, not anymore I regularly get 8 and sometimes I even get 10.  And it is ok, my arse did not fall off!  Isn't that something I deserve without anything more?  Certainly something I have earned after working so hard so many years.  I plan to really experiment with this, maybe even take a nap once in a while (gasp).
Think.  Think of what is causing the stress.  Not the cause of the feeling of stress, but why whatever trigger created a reaction in me.  Is it something real?  Am I in danger?  Am I doing something that is inconsistent with my values?  Am i in fear?  Am I angry?  Am I tired?  Do i have a need that is not being met?  I took a nutrition course through my temp employer about 5 years ago.  It had to do with making good food and eating choices.  Many of our food choices are made out of emotion.  It taught me that we all have essential needs and if we can tune into what these
needs are, then we will be better able to find ways to meet these needs without food or other harmful substances and behaviors.  My vital needs are:  spirituality, order/closure, financial security, give/do for others, personal time, being with people, movement.
Exercise.  For me, this has been such a part of my personal hygiene that it is as normal as bathing and eating.  If i do not move, i pay for it.  I have had an active program of movement since i graduated from high school.  When i was in public school, we had PE.  PE lead to some sports and dance in high school and that caused me to think about how exercise benefits us.  I have done it regularly every since - 30+ years.  Not only does it cause neurotransmitters to be produced in our bodies - but it causes strength and tolerance, confidence and helps me clear my head.  I can't live without it.  I plan to be doing yoga and walking as long as I am literally able to move.
I hope someone reads this.  I get so much inspiration and connection from the things i read, especially blogs because they are so personal and not agenda driven.  I hope someone can connect with me on this entry.  What have i left out?  What do you do to combat stress?

Do Not Worry

Matthew 6:25-34 New International Version (NIV). 
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I forgot to mention that I sold a pricey pendant that I had made few years ago.  It was never my style and I would never wear it.  So, I made $526 on it, $420 after PM cut.  I am putting it toward my Roth for 2018.  I am happy to have it gone.  Sometimes just a small step toward something, builds momentum (saving for retirement).  My husband is through with his accumulation, but I am really not.  I am 13 years younger than my husband and although we could be able to live frugally on his retirement till I get my social security in 15 years, the reality is that things happen and I need to continue to plan and accumulate just in case.  If something happened to him prior to my getting SS, I would have to go back to work and I am fully capable and willing to do that.  I am giving time now for spending it with him, prepared to go back to work at an older age and likely a more difficult task (difficult to find anything at all at an older age/longer break in employment, difficult to find anything rewarding that will not be at least partially physical (standing, lifting, carrying) and difficult because I will be older and out of the routine.  But it is a chance I willingly take to spend time with DH now while we are still relatively young and in good basic health.
P.S.  My  dog is better, he has a kidney stone and we are giving him special food and started him on heart meds for his heart murmur.  So, if the expensive food does not help dissolve the calcification, he will be as strong as he can with his heart, for surgery.  I also caved too and begged my Dr for steroids.  All the stress of moving, selling the house, the dog being sick, worry over my grandmother and my cousin etc just had me doubled over in pain.  I took one dose and immediately felt better.  I am truly going to focus on going totally healthy eating, but while we are back and forth moving and living out of boxes/extended stay hotel, I just want this plan in place so that I can function.  I cannot afford to be flat on my back now.  This fall, I will vow to never eat fast food again, if I can just get through this time of transition.  I was so sick last night I just sat down and had a good cry and immediately felt the release...March is almost over and we are gonna make it out alive if it kills me!

My Eyes are Bigger than My Suburban

So, we had more confidence in the cargo abilities of the suburban than it actually has.  We could only fit 2 of the bookcases in, but we got all the last of our books loaded too!  Next time we go down, in 2 weeks, we can take the other 2 bookcases.  DH was disappointed, but I reminded him how great it was that after this load we will have all our books down at RH.  And the only thing worse than books, might be hanging clothes to move!

 

Anyway, we have a plethora of books.  But my DH loves books and has a nice collection of encyclopedias and was not even open to consider getting rid of them.  Also we both love similar mystery/crime novels and have a nice collection of fiction and so we have allowed for half and half.  I truly do plan to get back into reading in earnest once we are retired and I am not reading at work every day.  I have an advanced degree which required a lot of boring reading and I dreamed of the day when I would be able to read fiction.  That day is close!  And not a moment too soon.  I truly am getting to a place where my age and chronic condition are making me feel like I could not continue to work much longer, even if I wanted to!  I am sure it is just a culmination of the past year stress and intensifying that I know we will literally be unable to avoid as we continue to move stuff, finish fixing up projects of RH, fix projects of CH we are selling, list/show/sell CH, live in temp location while DH finishes his last few months, get all my licenses/CE moved to retirement state, finish taxes, worry about my DGM and the effect of all this on her, continue to help her with her books, etc.  My stomach just hurts thinking about it.

 

So, I take a deep yoga breath.  Practice my meditation.  Continue my walks (I walked after work yesterday!).  And do the little day to day steps to help all this happen.  I.E.  we are following the money we are waiting on from the sale of our expensive car - we are using it to pay off our phones and other costs, like the expense of getting our downstairs CH carpet stretched and cleaned.  In this same month we have gone from expensive service with large cellular provider to the plans at WM.  Going from $207/month to $120/month.  But, we did have outlay of significant costs of my new phone and DH year old phone he had to pay off.  My intention is to wean off my phone more, of the couple year life that these phone essentially have.  After 2 years both my last 2 models got very slow and do not hold a charge.  I do not have IPhone, which was what the media focused on few months ago - but I seriously doubt this problem/feature/design is limited just to iphones. 

 

One of the big reasons I have been tethered to my phone was the constant activity required to sell stuff.  I am finished doing that.  Although the cash was nice, it came with it's own cost (serious time drain!).  I have pretty much officially changed over my wardrobe to what I think will be useful casual (daily stuff, walking, yoga, kayaking, hiking and golf), from my corporate wardrobe.  I hope to never look back, but if I do, I can buy new stuff!  Just last night I used my last credits from clothes we sold to buy a 2nd hand hooded raincoat and a pair of slightly used Bean boots.  I am so excited!  I just go through in my mind what I will get rid of...and I will prob get rid of a couple coats that are duplicative and sort of dressy that lack waterproof/hood.  I will also get rid of pair of cheap/non waterproof boots and a pair of slippers to make room for new. 

 

So, that are some things that make me happy while I am dreading/anxious about my looming to-do list.  Hope you all have a great Friday.  I will have a great weekend, but I will be tired from loading and unloading, a little unsatisfied we could not get all the bookcases and starting a strick elimination diet due to my stomach issues I have had for over a week.  I just have to focus on my gratitude, my God and His plan.

Health

11/6/17
Health

Yesterday was my colonoscopy.  i have had about 12 in tge past 10 years.  I am having them about once per year.  But, at least I now have a good specialist that does not tell me there is nothing wrong or that I need to take Prozac.  Nothing against Prozac, but I am not depressed and an SSRI will not help my stomach stop hurting.  I did have a doctor (a specialist, mind you) tell me all these things.  The one who could not find anything wrong with me, found something wrong, but denied that it was a condition.  He told me I needed a food allergy work up.  So I did that and then no one could help me, except for the person he referred me to, for $800 out of pocket.  I never did pay the $800.  I do not disagree with the concept of an elimination diet, but I believe my issues need a holistic approach.  Good luck finding a specialist that signs off on that concept.  So, when I have had specialists who tell me nothing is wrong, or I need to take Prozac...I just stop going to them, keep going back to my primary for her referrals, and I keep trying elimination diets, supplements, getting rest, reducing stress, yoga and mediation, prayer and anything else I can think of!

Well, my latest specialist does seem to make me take a lot of tests, but she at least explains her reasoning and discusses strategy with me and listens to me.  And for that I am truly grateful.  However, this latest exam seems to have really set me off into a flare, unlike any other recents ones I can remember.  I just eat less, get more rest and try to stay positive.  I think this will pass too, the flares usu do.  Sometimes in a few days, sometimes in a few months.  Fortunately, I have been doing well enough that I have gained weight, so if I lose even quite a bunch of weight, it won't be a big deal. 

So, yesterday after my test it felt decadent to be off work on a Monday.  I had lunch with my maternal aunt's and we did a tiny bit of shopping...some of it in my house (do you want this?  do you want this?  do you want this?  hahahaha).  I am so lucky to have them.  I skipped yoga and went to bed early, today I am at work but feeling like I have been punched in the stomach by a prize fighter, but I am hanging in there.  Only 1 more hour to go.  Then I can go home early and my husband can have the leftovers from the food I fixed Sat downhome at RH. 

I hope everyone has a great week!
stomach, Prozac, specialists, exam, allergies, diet, rest, stress, holistic

All Souls Day

11/1/17
I dedicate my post today to my mom, God rest her soul.

I cannot even believe that it is already November.  It is cool and gray outside, but not as cold and windy as Halloween.  I did manage to bundle up and take a walk after work.  Next week ends daylight savings time, so will be too dark for me to walk after this week.  I will still walk on Sundays though.  I do not walk in the dark.  I live in a nice suburb of a large Midwestern city and probably would be safe walking even in the pitch black, but my husband and I just do not think this is a good idea, so I avoid it.  My husband walks with me sometimes, but I cannot depend on him to walk with me.  So, I guess I will increase my yoga to twice a week and walk weekends. 

I have walked regularly since I graduated from high school in the 80's.  I used to do it just to keep my weight down, but over the years the benefits have become so obvious, that I do it to stay active and healthy.  Perhaps more important even still are the benefits it has on my psyche.  I feel better mentally and my mind shifts into a relaxation mode when I walk regularly.  I listen to podcasts, books or music and I just really enjoy it.  I have a beautiful walking area on a parkway at my CH (city home).  It goes in between 2 golf courses and so I find balls all the time and it is also in between to cow pastures so we see lots of wild animals, along with the cows.  There is a stream and a pond that is a constant source of animals.  We have seen (or heard) owls, an eagle, hawks, ducks, geese, kingfishers, egrets, cormorants, coots, herons, cranes, bitterns, all manner of other migratory birds, foxes, coyotes, raccoons, beavers, otters, muskrats, possums, skunks, deer, turtles, frogs and...I think that about covers it. 

I hope it stays nice enough today to walk again when I get home.  Last night after my walk we pretty much lay low while the kids trick or treated, we have 2 small dogs that go crazy, so we don't turn our light on.  I hate it, but I feel like our neighbors would be disturbed by the barking because we are the middle unit in a patio home.  Then, we both wanted to watch different shows, so my husband ate his fish meal in front of the TV in the living room and I enjoyed my pumpkin smoothie in the bed room.  We hardly ever do that, but I enjoyed catching up on one of my shows.  I think tonight I will fix him either left over pancakes from Sunday morning or a taco salad. 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...yesterday was the last day of overtime for me!  I have been on overtime since June and I am tired of it.  I added it all up and I have done an extra 182 hours of overtime and I am ready to wind down a little.  Next week I have a colonoscopy on Monday and I have decided to just take the rest of the day off!  That is a rare thing for sure.  It will be sort of like a reward.  I am going to eat lunch with my aunts and then putter at home.  I dread it so much, I just want to get it over with.  I have had like 8 in the past 5 years, but I am doing a lot better between diet, medicine and supplements.  And I just have to accept that I need a lot of rest, esp while I am working full time.  My stress over the years has been reduced since I changed careers and I hope to downsize the stress even more when my husband retires.  Stress is a killer when you have a constant medical condition like I do.  Have a great Wednesday, I hope you get to enjoy what ever thing reduces your stress and gives you some joy!

November, yoga, exercise, golf balls, birds, animals, nature, dogs, CH walking, health, career, stress

Happiness

100 days of happiness! 

Ideas, concepts, trends, a dance, a song...go around on the web.  Like 40 days of lent cleaning out your house instead of giving something else up led me to a really great FB group that are all about organizing. 

Then organizing led me to decluttering and decluttering led me to minimalism and that led me to be more aware of what I am focusing on in my life.  I will never be a true minimalist, but then, I don't want to be.  But I would like to have less clutter and stuff to worry about, esp as I prepare to move into a smaller home and move toward retirement. 
 

100 days of happiness is something I saw on another blog and I may be a few days late, but I'm in! 

Why wait till November to think more of what I am thankful for?!  100 days approx till the end of the year.  Can't believe it.  I am happy today for a life that is slower, a little more conscious and more focused on what I have, rather than what I am lacking. 
 

I had to send a difficult email today to a colleague in another state for some free lance work he had me do.  I was a little puzzled at his request in the first place, for an envelope.  Everything in this state is done online, so the envelope really does not matter, but in his state it does.  And the client is in his state.  I was really upset that I cannot find the envelope but once I fessed up to him and sent the email after checking and rechecking my entire house (my house is in various stages of packing and moving). 

I felt better that the email was over.  Pressed send, then will deal with his response.  It is what it is. 

He responded.  Said don't lose any sleep, but if I find to send to him.  Well, there it is.  Oh well.  He may never ask me to do any more free lance, but things happen.  I am happy today that I am not going to let it ruin my day, just like I did not let a fall in the puddle walking in to work ruin my Tuesday. 
 

Have a great Wednesday!