Stressfull last month and a half

So, my husband suffers from chronic back pain.  Had surgery in 2009 and it helped for a while, then over time one who have had back surgery, including any type of fusion of the vertibrae, the movement can translater more to the level above and below.  Along with normal age related degeneration that is unavoidable...one has more problems and pain.  This and the fact that my husband is not terribly health conscious and does not stretch or walk - he is aging poorly.

Well, we had a family member who had a morphine pump installed and it did wonders for his pain, my husband went through all the pain protocol and tried everything and finally decided he wanted that also.  He had the pain pump installed under his skin in Nov.  He has lots of problems just with that procedure, then it took several weeks to heal and get the medication level right.  Then about 6 weeks ago, after I got home from Texas...he was walking to the bathroom early in the morning and fell and had a huge gooseegg on his left upper forehead.  I ran into help him and saw that his head was bleeding and huge bump...I helped him off the floor back onto the bed.  He was crying out in pain.  I took him to the hospital...

I was concerned about his head injury, but not only did he hurt his low back, now he had shoulder and neck pain.  They did films of all...come to find out - he had 2 neck fractures!  So crazy.  So, they put him in a very stiff neck brace and released him to follow up with a neurosurgeon.  Cut to 5 weeks after that, they have done more films, recommend MRI (did this past week - still waiting on results).  And has to wear the brace 2 more months!  And it gives him severe anxiety and depression.  And now we wait to see if he has to have surgery.

Just wanted to check in and jot down some thoughts.  Has been very difficult, the depression and anxiety is the worst, i know he will eventually heal his neck and stablize his back (please Jesus).  But I just feel so helpless.  Meanwhile, I am working the same crazy 60 hours and now it is mowing season.  We have a large yard...1 acre we mow.  I did the entire yard last weekend by myself and it was not too bad...so I feel that is doable.  I am not going to have a garden or flowers in pots this year to also take care of.  

I am trying to streamline things around the house and minimize, get rid of even more clutter/unnec stuff and just put one foot in front of the other.  The prospect of caring from this house, 4 dogs, the yard, my job...it gets overwhelming at times, but i just take a deep breath and know I can do it and remember how grateful I am for a warm home, a loving partner and dogs i enjoy, good friends and extended family.

Well, I will try to come back and write down more to help process everything.  I hope everyone out there is doing well and dealing with whatever things life is throwing at you with patience, love, and prayer...deep breath, some sort of inspiration and gratitude...and a little humor.

Thanks for reading.

First Day of Fall

 

I had the most yummy salad today for lunch.  It was chopped lettuce and greens with an egg, cold salmon, cherry tomatoes and a sprinkle of edemame and toasted pumpkin seeds.  Plus I crushed up a handful of tortilla chips and a tiny sprinkle of crunchy jalepeno crisps.  Now I need a nap.

We turned off our AC finally this week.  I have a new fountain (I will post pictures next week).  So, now we can enjoy the fountain sounds even from inside our house.  But I keep thinking that either it is raining or that I left some water running somewhere, LOL.  It is in the high 70's during the day, maybe just into the low 80's and in the 50's at night.  Nice weather!  I opened all the windows and ran around and cleaned all the window sills, they get so yucky.  Dirt and flies.  Ew, too much information.  Esp on the north side of the house, the moisture.  The north side of our house now looks really nice since I scrubbed off the mildew this summer.  We are also getting a nice steady rain today and the humidity is 93%.  I scrubbed the range hood really good this morning and worked up quite a good sweat.  Speaking of sweat, I sat in my office all afternoon yesterday and was comfortable without even opening a window, but when i did yoga last night in the sitting room and the door closed to keep out the dogs, I was really sweating and started shaking, thinking what is wrong with me - then i realized - we turned off the AC Sunday!

I have been having so much trouble with my right knee!  Then I lowered my desk chair - it is already better.  It has been so bad for a couple of weeks i was thinking of making a doctor's appointment.  Now that I am working and back to sitting up to 8 - 10 hours a day, it really makes a huge difference!

We finally got our new bed.  We are loving all the room we have now, going from queen to king.  It isn't as crowed as i had feared.  I really want to get rid of the side tables and attach lamps over the headboard on the wall, but DH thinks he needs his drawers for storage.  Maybe next spring i will work on convincing him.  For now, i am just enjoying having essentially my own bed - we went for the twin base, and we can move the head or the foot up.  I love watching tv in bed, so i LOVE our new bed.  

I caught a cute picture of my 2 chi's sitting on my lap yesterday.  It is rare to catch them close to each other.  They like the 2 big dogs more than they like each other.  Chihuahuas are sort of temperamental...shoking huh?  I had to just look up how to spell temperamental, I had no idea the first A was in there!

The other evening, we went for a ride in the convertible to enjoy the pretty weather.  We were a little late getting back, after dog feeding time.  DH says, well Penny (the big pup) will be chewing on something by now!  Sure enough, we get home and she got into my yard and there was a single strand of yard going from the living room, out the back doggie door, through the patio area, out the fence and strewn all around our back yard!

Sure am loving this bit of rain.  Save me from watering this week before i have to drive up to the city.  I worked Sunday so that i could take off Friday to go up and help my aunt move my grandmother.  She is moving into an apartment right next door to my aunt, so my aunt can take care of her.  At 101 she still insists on living alone, so i hope this works out.  It will still be a lot on my aunt making sure her mother eats.  But, it is what they have decided and i am being supportive.  I am helping pack/move Friday, then picking apples at my former colleague's farm, then Sunday my sister will join us to help organize/unpack after.  The movers are moving big stuff Saturday - not much just a few chairs and bed/dressers.  I will be happy to get it over with - not nearly as happy at grandmother and aunt!

This is a picture of our weeping blue atlas cedar that we planted where we took out the huge crepe myrtle.  

before

after

Well, enjoy your first day of Fall!  See you next week.

Reflections

Remember all the free plants I got last spring...more on them later.

This week last year we were preparing to leave the extended-stay-hotel-from-hell and leave the city to go permanently to our retirement home.  I remember how excited I was, truly just beyond belief it was happening after counting down what seemed like 10 years but really was more like actual 4 years.  I remember thinking it was all happening so fast and it felt rushed, like events that you have looked so forward to but end up going by in a blur and you try to recall in your memories (and pictures).  Big reason why I started this blog was to document the time getting ready and leading up to such a big change in our lives.

Well, fast forward to spring after we retired.  I was restless, we bought a new car, I saw it as leverage to go back to my same work and get a temp assignment, etc.  And here we are approaching 6 months later.  I am giving my notice this week - 2 more week after this week and I am going to enjoy not wearing makeup, packing my lunch, loading my suitcase, etc.  Going to enjoy having a looser schedule and getting my tire body and my complaining tummy back to balance.  Did a stupid thing with my backyard - stacking rocks for a make-shift temp border while we moved our existing azaleas out from house to around the deck.  I plan to put in flagstone area between the deck and the back porch - so the shrubs had to move.  Then I got a bunch of free plants from DH cousin and just put them wherever to keep them alive - but no real plan.  Watered and had great luck with them - but now I want to more formally/permanently situate the landscaping and make it 1)  pleasing to look at but also 2) easier to tend to/mow around.  So I ditched the topple-ing rocks and installed paver bricks length-wise end to end almost flush with the ground/grass to make for easy mowing, while still keeping the grass and plants separate and looking pretty with mulch. 

I have a LOT more to do, but I like doing projects.  We are also going to put more insulation in our attic so we look forward to that - not so much, but will be glad to get it done.

Last evening I did not go to gym after work.  I drove DH convertible and thought my aunt would enjoy a quick little ride before I go to bed.  She did.  Uncle is failing and feeling badly, but not specifically badly as to be diagnosable in er - no actual pain/fever - just feels crappy all over and his spirits are following along.  She enjoys some company to think about something else.  She had served him dinner and gotten him settled in his chair and off we went, just for a quick spin.  Got a few groceries, I got enough coffee to last 2.5 weeks I have left at the office.

We came home and watched our nightly 30 min of TV then I went to bed.  Slept poorly.  Uncle wants the house like an oven, his main complaint at the moment, is, that he is freezing.  It was 75 there last night!  I woke up hot about 4 times!  Poor Uncle, how will he get through the winter.  Happy Fall a couple days late!

Project in progress:

16 Days

This is a picture my girlfriend took of me driving us back to the city Sunday.  Yes, I am one of those people.  At least when DH is not in the car with me and can take our little female on his lap. 

Fall is in the air here in the Midwest.  And we have 16 more days.  I was thinking about the changing of the seasons and realize as we are going into fall this year, we are sort of going into the "fall" of our lives. 

I lived in Arizona for a couple years.  I missed the seasons there.  It was relentlessly hot.  Danerously hot.  Unforgivingly hot.  The scenery is mostly brown.  Lots of rocks and small shrubs dot the desert as you drive into town. 

It was 1999 and I drove into town with my dog and cat.  My significant other drove me out from Little Rock and stayed.  I had transferred with my job, so the movers would deliver my stuff.  I just had to unpack.  My convertible was brought out on a car carrier.  I rented a duplex.  It was weird having rocks for a yard.  I had grass in the back with olive and eucalyptus trees.  It smelled different.  There were also these large brown birds that sang weird songs that was really different from anything I experienced in the Midwest. 

I had a stressful job.  On weekends I liked to explore the area for relaxation.  Once I hiked with my boyfriend at South Mountain park.  We both took water and had sunscreen, hats, etc.  But how naïve we were.  We also had my dog with us.  My beautiful Golden Retriever.  My second Golden.  

We started out in the morning.  They trail we chose was downhill and back up.  I started to dread the hike back up.  Boyfriend decided he would give me the last of the water and I would go back to car with the dog and pick him up at bottom.  Thinking back I am not sure why we split up that day.  It does not sound like my idea.  He was a little impulsive and immature - that was the reason we broke up not long after.  I don't blame him for this day, I was stupid and unprepared too.

Anyway, I start back to the car.  It was just over the rise, I thought.  Water was running low, it was getting hotter.  My dog crept along and kept sticking his head in the shadows of the large boulders and small bushes that make up South Mountain landscape.  I thought to myself how awful I felt putting my dog through this.

I kept walking.  I started to wonder if I was lost.  The scenery all looked the same.  I kept topping each hill and more hills stretched out before me.  My had started feeling too small and I was feeling the sun burning my shoulders.  My sunglasses were sweaty and I had to keep pushing them up.  My mind started racing.

Pretty soon I started to feel panic creep in.  I wondered if I could carry my dog the rest of the way.  He was panting and seemed very focused on any shade he could put his head in.  I alternated thinking how stupid I was and how scared I was.  I could not believe what was happening.  I had never been lost before.  I grew up in the woods in the Midwest, where trees are tall and there are landmarks.

About the time I was wondering what to do and was on the verge of complete hopelessness, I topped a rise and spotted the parking lot and my car!  I never felt so much relief.  There was a while cinderblock building that contained bathrooms.  I ran in but there was no water coming out of the faucets.

I got in the car and blasted the ac to cool my dog down.  I retraced the drive we had taken into the park.  I saw boyfriend and picked him up.  He too had been hot and worried at the end.  He was quick to laugh and dismiss. 

I will never forget that day.  It was in late May, which is late to hike in Phoenix.  I also heard many times in the years I lived there that many people from back east/Midwest who are not accustomed to the heat/landscape die making mistakes like we made. 

I am so grateful that was not my fate that day.

Ready for long weekend

10/19/17
Ready for long arts & craft weekend, except I am tired

I have been getting ready for 2 weeks for my girls weekend with my sister, neice, aunts and cousins.  Now it is the day I will leave work early and drive down with one of my aunt's (M2).  I am driving my husband's car today, it is an older smaller sedan, and gets better gas mileage than my SUV.  M2 will have her husband bring her down to where i work so we can go from there in the other direction in my car.  M1, my other aunt is going 3 hours out of her way to pick up her grand daughter.  I am glad the grand daughter wants to come (she has come before when her cousins have come), but I am glad I don't have to add an extra 3 hours today and 3 hours sunday to my drive, because I am tired.  They probably won't get to RH until midnight.  Plus, I will have quite a few things to do Sunday to get ready for another 50 hour week.  I had hoped we could all ride together, but it is out of my hands.  My 2 aunts (M1 and M2) both live in the city I currently live in.  They are my mother's sisters.  I don't like to drive at night if I don't have to and I get sleepy around 10pm.  My main thing about avoiding the extra 3 hours is that my cousin and her SIL will be there at around 6 or 7pm to my RH and I felt uncomfortable hosting with people just waiting for me in my house.  I want to get there, get unloaded.  Open the blinds, turn on the AC, turn on some lights, sweep out any dead bugs, God forbid.  When you don't live full time in a house, there is the constant battle with bugs.  It is a pain.  We also have some issues with mildew from the house being shut up so tight and not enough air movement.  I feel really uncomfortable having guests get there before I do.  And not by a little while, by hours.  My cousin and I are close enough, I don't worry about that.  But I have never met her SIL and my cousin has only been to my house once.  I am sure I will be on the phone with her trying to direct her in.  I don't want to be driving through the hilly terrain in the dark with 3 women in the car, perhaps talking with each other. 

I am bringing everyone a pint of my apple butter and the pie I froze.  I packed it in ice in my car while I work 8 hours today.  I am currently  waiting on a project.  I hope this day goes by fast.  The sun is coming up and I am enjoying my nice hot tea.  I am excited about the weekend, but as a host, I always worry will everything run smoothly and will people have a nice time.  I also worry about who has to sleep on the sofa bed, because I know it is not the most comfortable.  But, it is nice to enjoy the fall with some women in my family who mean the world to me.  After our mom passed away, her sisters enjoy an even more important part of my life and I know my sister D3 feels the same way. 

I am also excited to be bringing 2 crockpots that I can't use to my neice and nephew, a 3 drawer plastic storage unit, and 2 Halloween tubs of decorations for them to take and use/enjoy.  More stuff out of my CH.  Win win!  I sold a pair of boots and a nice leather jacket this past week that I have been trying to sell for 6 months.  I put that money in savings.  I paid my personal property taxes last week in the RH state ($600+).  And my credit card balance was empty until my Sam's run last night (ouch).  It just occurred to me that the $200 cash I stashed at CH I totally forgot.  Oh well, I have $50 cash on me and  cash stashed at RH, so I should be fine!  I am buying nothing at the craft fair (Friday) or the shopping center (Saturday)...unless it is a big metal state mascot to put on our barn (my husband calls it barn, I call it a shed).  I have debated making one cut out of particle board - I could save prob 75%, but my husband nor I have ever used a jig saw...stay tuned on that one!

Have a great 3rd weekend of October fall weekend!  Enjoy your friends, family, traditions, sunshine, leaves, banana bread, apple butter, or pumpkin anything!  See you next week.

Goodbye Sept, Hello Oct

Friday worked all day, then went to see my friends son get his 1 year sobreity/clean and sober coin.  It was an amazing night.  This group was started in the inner city neighborhood of my city back in approx 2000 by a woman who faced her addiction issues and has enlisted others who also can use their experience , strength and hope to help others.  It was very uplifting in a world where, if you are not careful, everywhere you look can seem pretty bleak.  Going forward, i am going to be careful about what I choose to focus on the the news and on social media.  Division sells stories, products, clicks, get sponsors.  Not me.  Not  anymore.

Sat i took a giant lamp to my aunt and set it up for her and today i am taking a large plant to my SIL2. My aunt (MA1) took me to breakfast and we had delicious breakfast of avacado toast and veggie omlet with goat cheese.  I havent sold anything, but I have donated to 3 charities I am inspired by.  Then we drove an hour to enjoy the country and pick a ton of apples!  So rejuvenating.  I also got 2 dozen farm eggs from my SIL2.  I am happy today for natures seasons!

Today, i am too lazy for church, but I have managed to clean both of my fireplaces and a broken slat of my vertical blind and did very minor amount of touch up paint.  Part of my problem is that my stomach hurts, but it sort of feels how i usu feel recov from "normal" eating on monday, so maybe I will be spared that tomorrow.

Spending the rest of the day doing food prep.  Zuchinni bread, stuffed peppers, grilled chicken and pork chops.  Leaving time to round out the day for a walk in this gorgeous weather. 

Have a great start to your October!

Free Produce

Having a great week!  Got some wonderful free local produce given to us.  Plus, I have a chance to get out to the country Sat to get 5 gal bucket of free apples.  I want to make apple butter again.  I did it in the crock pot.  The hardest part is the cutting up of the apples.  And canning is a lot of work too.  So, this week we ate leftovers and used meat out of the freezer and saved a trip to grocery.  Blew the grocery budget last week, nearly $200 at Aldi's.  Who does that?  I need to get better about planning and using what is offered for the weekly sales and supplement produce with farmers market in season.  But, I shopped free, pantry and freezer this week.

I am getting over the huge hit to my budget I took this past weekend.  Very much a want, not a need.  Oh well.  I have worked a lot of overtime this summer, so no big deal.  I just dug a little deeper into what things I could pare down and came up with a few more things to list on ebay, Craigslist, FB marketplace and Poshmark.  Everythng is so SLOW right now to sell, it seems like.  But, today I finally made an ebay sale.  Often a sale will seem to spur other sales.   

I have been feeling really good after having a bad week last week.  Have a challenging medical condition.  I pay attention to food, supplements, stress, rest and medication.  I have been on some really serious medicine for it since mid June.  Side effects include my hair getting really brittle and falling out, mouth sores and muscle soreness.  I think side effects are better.  I feel either really good or really bad, no middle ground.  I have given up soda (1 year), dairy (2 years) and artificial sweeteners (6 months).  I try to eat only once or twice a day and have smoothies the other meal/s.  I only have coffee on weekends.  I have black tea during the week. 

Fall and cooler weather makes me happy.  We turned our AC off last night and opened the windows.  I walked with my friend and enjoyed our chat.  Then went home and relaxed last night.  I love the chill in the air.  Have a great weekend!