Latest Development

The gal I feel disconnected with, DW.  Well last night her husband's uncle passed away.   So she has to stay and go to funeral.

So that's much better for me.  I am going to go ahead and go.  I pray that it either comes up and I can clarify and discuss.  Or we don't talk about it and I can just avoid in the future.

I am not going to discuss DW with her BFF BB.  I just look forward to having this issue out of the way.   I fear it would be much more confrontational and dramatic if I back out now day before.

I have my own worries right now that need my attention.  I will write about them in upcoming weeks.

if you pray please pray we can all act out of love and growth not defensiveness.

Friends

Friends have always been important to me.  I have a sister who is 4.5 years younger than I.  She and I have always gotten along and had each other's backs, but we are pretty different in our interests and temperment.

As the oldest child, I was very much about trying to be the perfect child, doing chores without fail, helping around the house, keeping my room clean, being neat and tidy and quiet.  Getting good grades and working as soon as I was old enough to babysit and do odd jobs.

My sister I will just say...she is very laid back.  Her half of our shared room was always in chaos and she was always procrastinating.  We are still much like this now.  I grew up, went to college, always working more than one job, excelling at my grades, climbing the corporate ladder.  While I was focusing on career, my sister was getting married and having kids.  She has 2 children.  A daughter and a son.  She works for a non profit and her husband does odd jobs.  They are on a very tight budget.  I am on a budget, now that we are retired.  She is on a really tight budget.  I don't know how she does it.

Last night we all went out to celebrate niece and BIL birthdays in January.  This is the first time in over 20 years that my sister and I live in the same state.  So, it was neat to be there.  To spend time with that part of my family.  DH and I had sort of a rough day, so to be able to accomplish showing up was important, because earlier in the day I had wished I could stay home.  I sat near niece and her husband.  He seems like a nice guy, he just talks nonstop.  He told me last night that he had Asbergers (sp?) and so he does not read social cues and he just looks directly at me and talks the entire time and I was hoping we would all have more of an entire table conversation, so that I could participate with my nephew too, who lives an hour and a half away.

Since I got home Saturday night late, I have been sick with stomach troubles.  I truly think it was because I was run down and tired.  On top of that I have been sick with worry over my 2 high school friends with cancer and my cousin with cancer.  I have tried to be supportive and it has taken a little bit of a toll on me.  Maybe just sort of withdrawing and relaxing is just what I needed.

I also have a friend who is struggling with mental illness, RT.  She did not find the ability to be at our reunion Saturday and I understand.  Plus, she is not as close as I am to the circle of friends who are the 2 with cancer.  This friend has had a very trying couple of years with her mental illness.  I think she is doing better now.

Another thing I want to blog about is my friend who just got out of prison 4 months ago, TC.  He actually drove the 3 hours back to his hometown to be at our reunion and we were all just in awe of his journey.  He grew up in the same small town I grew up in, with the mental health friend.  They were very close.

The town we went to school in, was 9 miles away.  So we all went to one elementary school together and in 3rd grade went to the other school with all of us who eventually went to high school.  NS and LH both went to the other school.  My friend SL who passed away from a heart problem in 2014 is another one of my longest friends, I had known her since we were 3.

NS and LH I have come to know more since we grew up.  Couple of my other friends from school invited me to a Christian Women conference this weekend.  I was pretty much looking forward to it, but I have some feelings from one of these friends, DW, that she and I do not really have much in common.  I find her moody and sullen and she is constantly on her phone.  This summer she texted me in a group text with the other Christian Women's Conference friend, BB that she was coming to the city where I worked and would call me for dinner.  I was very encouraged.  Well, that night I texted DW and she did not return my text.  She ignored me and I was hurt by it.  There is no way she did not get my text - she is on her phone constantly and constantly on social media.  So no way I am thinking she did not see my text.  But I let that go and was open to try to get reacquainted along with BB, our friend in common.  Well, something happened this weekend and I don't know how to deal with it.  So I am grateful for this format to write about it...

At the reunion, TC (out of prison 4 months) said he was going to visit RT for dinner this coming week.  I said that was great and I knew RT would be happy to see TC and I just tried to keep things light and positive.  What does one say to one who has been in prison 30 years and just got out 4 months ago, right?!

Then TC looks at me and asks "I heard RT husband was a &*^$$%^! (expletive).  I was stunned.  I did not know what to say.  I said how I felt about RT husband, different in some ways, not a &*^$$%^!  I could not believe it.  I have genuine fondness and compassion for RT spouse, as he is a really stand up guy and has been through a lot with RT.

On the way home, my sister and I rode with BB and her husband.  I relayed this part of my conversation and she said that a couple of days earlier when she and DW (the one I don't care too much for), that they had seen TC, that DW said "my husband would call RT husband a &*^$$%^!  I was floored.  I just sat there and later I had a good cry.  DW and BB supposed to be working on their Christian journey and sometimes I feel like I am their project.  And then this happens?!  About a seriously ill friend and I just don't know how to handle it.  How DW and BB can be so involved and vocal about their compassion and good works in Christianity, yet they distinguish between cancer and mental illness/addiction, I guess?  

I also had some uncomfortable conversation with BB about how hard it is going to be to lose such close friends if they die.  I reminded her that I already knew, because in 2014 I lost my friend SL to heard disease.  BB was not friends with SL, so she really hasn't lost a contemporary yet.  It is really hard.  Then BB and I had a difficult conversation about Christianity (my DH will not go to church).  I think I found a church I am going to try and see if I like it.  I told her that DH had a problem with organized religion and she said "that's just a cop out".  Uh, OK.  Again, not a real effective way to discuss something that someone else does not believe in.  Guess it is a good thing I am not assigned to recruit!  hahaha

So, I cry all the way home and I thought a good night sleep would be helpful.  And I talk about it all to DH and am in anguish that I don't want to go to a women's Christian conference with these too.  How could they be so judgmental and lack compassion for a fellow classmate who has mental/addiction issues is bad enough...but to spread such yuck to TC newly out of prison just has me sick, literally physically and heart sick too.

DH told me to decide Wed or Thurs and just bail out.  I am no where closer today than I was Sat night about how to handle it.  I could just drift away and make some distance, or I can go, listen to the message they are so enthused about going to and then, with love and constructive feedback, inform them how I feel and see if they come around.  Then I can drift if nec.  The upside, we all come away with a little more understanding and compassion.  And I can drift anytime I need to.  The downside is, I have no friends down here in my new state.  But I know I will meet people someday and maybe people who are more compassionate and less judgmental is a good place to start!

When I Think I Know, I Don't

I have had some highs and lows this first month of 2019.  I will blog more about it later.  But for now, this is where I will concentrate.

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy — dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

I was gone all day for a class reunion Saturday and I got run down and stressed, then upset.

I was better yesterday,  yoga helps.  But today I am still struggling.   So I am trying to relax, get some inspiration and take it easy.

This is a good day for slowing down and taking it easy...it is 14 degrees!

But I do have to get out and go to birthdays dinner for niece and BIL.  I will prob just have soup and salad.

Hope you are staying warm and have pet to cuddle with

Relax

Went to a mini reunion yesterday.   Am sick today,  prob just tired.

Took it easy as no resting watching Rent live tonight on the couch.  

Will post more tomorrow.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may build up instead of tearing down. I pray that I may be constructive and not destructive.

I Will Never Get...

...Political on this blog, nor am I now, but I hate this government shut down business!  I just heard that it was over.  For now.  My DH worked for a department that would not have been affected until this next pay period.  DH spoke with a friend from his office last week and was told that they had budgeted enough to pay people through Jan 31, but not beyond.  Other departments have already missed 1 or 2 paychecks.

One year, approx. 2011 or so,  federal employees were furloughed and he made approx. 25% less that year.  It was stressful for us and that was with me working.  So we were a 2 income household.  We trimmed the fat, that was when I started making DH lunch every day (he used to eat out most lunches) and we sold one of our more expensive vehicles.  But it was otherwise, not felt too severely by us.  We are flexible and able to adjust.

Some people may feel such a budget shortfall more severely.  Other households may just have one working adult, or have dependent children, or debt, etc.  People should not be expected to work without pay.  It is wrong.  States preclude such situations, calling it involuntary servitude.  A euphemism.

I am sure this is far from over.  I am sure that this is not the last time such a "shutdown" will happen.  But it is wrong for the working people to be so adversely affected by the choices of our elected officials who have no idea what it feels like to wonder how you are going to pay for childcare, or gas to get to work or food.

Sad

2 Corinthians 12:10:
“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Thursday Makes Me Happy

Can't believe it is already Thursday.  I like Thursdays.  It is the day when I have (usu) done my 2 power yoga classes, have shopped and done some food prep, clean my house and normally just do whatever I want on Thursdays.

Today, since it has been so cold and we have been cooped in the house several days, we are going to take the pup on a hike this afternoon.  I have a pork roast in the crockpot and I am getting ready to finish vacuuming in my new hiking boots I am trying to get broken in.

I wore them twice in the city on my normal daily walk and they were so stiff, I got blisters.  These are old school leather with ankle support.  I need to use them more often on shorter hikes of differing terrain.  Should be fine by spring.

Last 4 or 5 days it has been really cold, supposed to be nearly 50 today!  What are you doing today?

I hope you have some sunshine on your face today.  I am also in a good mood because it is not staying daylight until almost 6pm.  That helps, the darkness of winter is hard sometimes.

Playoff Hope Gone

Well, we watched our team lose last night.  It was depressing.  My DH also had a sore back.  He was rude and snapped at me and i snapped back.  Oh, but I do understand chronic pain...I just try different things to feel better.  And even during my trip to AZ I felt pretty good, by maintaining all my little steps I try to feel better and eat healthy.

At Sams Saturday while DH was picking out his new eyeglasses, I cruised for samples because it was prime time sample giveaway crowd and I was starving.  This one gal was giving samples of Kombucha and they were pretty good.  I cannot find Kombucha in my town, so I order it - $40!  for six from Amazon.  Hers was $14, on sale for $11.  Sold.  She laughed because she said usu no one is excited about Kombucha and hardly anyone likes the taste.  It really is an acquired taste, and I has probably taken me a year.  But I cannot eat yoghurt, so this is my way of adding some good bacteria (plus a good probiotic capsule).  Lot of good ways to boost our immunity.  Stay healthy out there everyone!

Today is a new day.  I am not going to let yesterday affect today.  Still pretty cold, but just warm enough to take the pup for a quick walk yesterday.

Happy MLK day to you.  Hopefully you have the day off too.

Beautiful Day for Golf!

Too bad our golf games are not as good as the beautiful mid January day weather we were treated to today.  But we enjoyed being out and being together, so that is what is importat.  We were hanppy to be able to be outsid3e for the afternoon before it gets cold and snowy possibly this weekend.  Our old city still has several inches of snow on the ground and more to come.

We came home to a TV being chewed up.  The pup seems to be regressing.  We are frustrated but understand she is still a pup.  Thinking we will block her off in the laundry room from now on when we leave for a couple hours.

Canned soup for dinner, we are so tired.  Have a great Weekend!

Free Labor

Well, I finished painting my kitchen ceiling this morning.  And while I had the roller out and ready, I rolled the entryway and hallway.  Both the kitchen and hallway ceiling had some old alarm components I removed when the electricians were putting lights in the kitchen and they left some holes.  I patched them and painted both ceilings.  I also had some leak marks in the entryway.  I am going to have to trim out the hallway and painted over the stain with killz, but I am happy to have the roller work done.

I went to move the entryway rug and noticed our older dog had peed, so I disinfected the hardwood floor in entryway but it dried it out and the entire area was looking sad and shabby.  So, after I finished painting, I scrubbed the entryway floor, then I went over it with the light oak Old English, then I liberally applied boiled linseed oil and blocked off for the afternoon so it could soak in. 
Afterward, we helped SIL and her husband move some furniture they bought at garage sale.  They are opening a thrift /consignment store in the spring.  Then we came home to see what else the pup had chewed up.  Yesterday she ruined a pair of my prescription eyeglasses.  DH polished the entryway floor with a dry soft rag.  It looks great!

Then I made him sit in the massager chair.  I will rub his back with medicated lotion later.  We had left over stew for dinner since my 6pm hot yoga cancelled.  That means I will just go tomorrow night, which is OK.  We may have to put off golf till Friday.  I do ok, but golf and hot yoga in one day is almost too much for me these days.

Looking forward to enjoying a couple more mild days till it gets really cold here.  Oh well, it is mid January after all.  Hope you are enjoying your hump day!

Getting Back to Normal

Starting to feel more like my old self.   Health wise,  schedule wise,  phone wise.

Have to go back to phone store for DH phone and I am going to see if they can help me with typing sensitivity.   Too hard to text.  Takes forever...so my posts will be brief.

Have a great Tuesday.   We are running errands and taking couple short hikes.  I am buying roller to finish kitchen ceiling.  I painted part of it Monday.   Too difficult with brush.   Too much texture.   I can tell it will look like much nicer!  I had few  holes there and in entryway to patch from the electrical changes this past summer.

So sore from yoga Thursday. Sat and Monday night...so walk today will good.

Simple Pleasures

Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'" (NIV)

I am snuggling up with The Devine today,  thanking the angels for giving me time with 2 people who could very easily be gone.  My cousin...and then my grandmother before I drove home.

I am back.  I had a wonderful time with 2 people special to me.  At a critical time in my cousins precious life.  But I am depleted and tired.  So I will enjoy hugs from my baby, cuddles from my chihuahuas and walks with the pup.  Eat some nutritious food, have my hot mint tea, my turmeric coffee in the morning,  my kombucha, do yoga and watch some Netflix.  I can pay bills and balance the checkbook tomorrow. 

Here is a picture of part of my hike I took in Arizona this past weekend. 

Enjoy your Thursday!

Out of the Dark 

From "As Bill Sees It"

"Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further. We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun."

Start Writing 2019!

Hope you all have a happy new year.  I am getting ready for a week long trip to AZ to visit my cousin and surprise my other cousin with cancer.  Since I still do not have my replacement phone, I will not be able to post easily, so I probably just won't post until 1/10.

Enjoy your early January days in a way that is meaningful to you.  If you have happiness, soak in it.  If you have sadness, remember it shall pass.

I am feeling whiney because I will be traveling across the country (I do not travel much, like I used to, so I am unaccustomed to it and find it stressful) with a flip phone that is not working well at all.  Poor me, what a pathetic thing to feel whiney about.  After all, I am spending time with a loved one with whom we did not even know if she would see 2019.  Perspective.