Blogging Reflection

Aka navel gazing for me.

Not sure why I am not blogging much.  But I am sure that DH and I are continuing to feel adjustment to our new life.  So we are either busy working on projects or we are completely lazy.   Maybe we need to fine tune and find happy medium.

I am finding myself not feeling peaceful which makes me overspend and overeat.  Plus I find myself easy to find fault with DH behaviors so I dont have to address mine.

So I have decided that I just need to focus on me and make a few minor tweaks and then maybe I can affect bigger concentric rings of home, career, money, weight.

I went to a good yoga class yesterday in which we were reminded of the importance of meditation.  The practice of yoga is to be in our bodies, not just up in our heads.  To accept what really is and soften and be ok with it,  rather than constantly swim upstream.   The cornerstone of contentment is gratitude.   Yoga leads to unintentionally tuning in, living in the moment and being grateful.

The goal is to become more aware for period of time each day longer than we are actively moving.  The instructor said even 5, 20, 25 min a day will lead to big change.

So I am starting with 15 min each morning before I mindlessly turn on the TV or jump online.

Simple Pleasures

Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'" (NIV)

I am snuggling up with The Devine today,  thanking the angels for giving me time with 2 people who could very easily be gone.  My cousin...and then my grandmother before I drove home.

I am back.  I had a wonderful time with 2 people special to me.  At a critical time in my cousins precious life.  But I am depleted and tired.  So I will enjoy hugs from my baby, cuddles from my chihuahuas and walks with the pup.  Eat some nutritious food, have my hot mint tea, my turmeric coffee in the morning,  my kombucha, do yoga and watch some Netflix.  I can pay bills and balance the checkbook tomorrow. 

Here is a picture of part of my hike I took in Arizona this past weekend. 

Enjoy your Thursday!

Out of the Dark 

From "As Bill Sees It"

"Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further. We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun."

Mindfulness Meditation

Do not hide your light under a bushel. Arise and shine, for the light has come and the glory of the Lord is risen in thee." The glory of the Lord shines in the beauty of your character. It is risen in you, even though you can realize it only in part. "Now you see as in a glass darkly, but later you will see face to face." The glory of the Lord is too dazzling for mortals to see fully on earth. But some of this glory is risen in you when you try to reflect that light in your life.
   -Hazelden Foundation 

Cold and rainy today.  Perfect day to stay in and have leftovers.  My SIL library had fundraiser dinner last night.  It was nice.  However, I learned 1 week prior to DH family dinner, SIL and I have to do whole thing. 

I asked MIL, should she and I at least do the shopping?  SIL works all week (well, prob not Friday, but I myself no NOT shop on black Friday).

So, while I am resting today.  I will be making list if what I will be doing before Sat and where to buy it.

Have a wonderful Sunday Sabbath.

I am thankful for Thanksgiving.

How to Purge Stress

Nature
Ask
Meditation
Action
Sleep
Think
Exercise
Sorry this is so long.  But i guess i needed it.  Have been pretty stressed lately.  Situational stress I think.  But, stress is stress and many around me are stressed, so it has been on my mind...
I just had to google how to spell exercise.  It was because I hesitated on it.  If I just did it quick, I would have remembered, ha!  I cannot overthink or multi task anymore.  I think it is a product of age and overload.  I have this a lot, plus more and more senior moments!  Instead of letting this get me down, the past year or so since I almost lost my Granny - I include the thought that even though I am feeling my age more and more I am privileged to reach late middle age.
I read a post recently on one of my FB groups I like and the person was asking how to purge stress.  So I thought about it.  I have found myself thinking out this before I read this particular post.  I have thought about my own personal needs to try and figure out why I feel stress.  I use a coping skill.  I went through above and put some of my coping skills into an acronym.  These are not in order of importance. 
Nature - is what my mother used to tell me I needed.  When I was a young woman away from her in the city working on my career, she would sense on the phone if I was tired and say you need to go outside.  When is the last time you got out of the city.  Now you will even hear people put a label on this called "grounding".  My mother was ahead of her time.  I think the thing about nature is that it makes me aware the universe is much bigger than I - and that immediately changes my perspective.  Whatever problem or discomfort I have, I am not alone and I am not the center of the universe.  It will pass even if I do nothing.
Action - can I do something about the cause of the stress?  Can I make a list.  Can I figure out the worst case scenario and figure out a way to deal with that?  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Maybe nothing even close to the worst will happen, but if I have planned for it JIC, then I am more ready.  I wonder if I should give up this philosophy, but old habits die hard.  The best action I can take is to just plan sometimes.  Planning helps steer me toward thinking before I take action and planning is an action in itself.  Can I plan a reward now or later to get me through something hard?
Meditation is sort of the exact opposite of Action, although the better I get at harnessing my thoughts, the closer it resembles action to me.  Focus on my breath, my heartbeat, my place in the universe, being still and present and I am automatically calmer.  Google the vagus nerve and how important it is.  It is truly amazing how much this nerve impacts our wellbeing.  And it is amazing how just some deep breathing will affect the vagus nerve.  I mentioned this to my cousin who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and she laughed and said "Vegas?!".  Well, it does sound the same.  I do think humor is important and it an integral part of my demeanor - but if I am too stressed, I cannot find the humor at first. 
Ask for help.  Either from a person or from the universe.  To me, asking the universe is prayer.  I give thanks for my blessings and ask for God to help me.  Even if you don't believe in God, by being a living creature we can look to the universe and to science.  Energy is undeniable.  If you need to feel better, harness energy.  Energy from art, music, laughter, beauty, nature, love.  Read an inspiring poem, book, etc.  I swear just the power of classical music can reduce my stress.  I often listen to celestial space music to help me sleep.
Sleep.  I have a chronic health condition and I have been trying to learn how to deal with it for most of my adult life.  My condition affects my digestion, my skin, my joints and my eyes.  It also gives me brain fog.  I get very depressed about my condition sometimes.  I have learned that stress and lack of sleep affect me very quickly when I have stress and lack of rest.  I have learned that by resting, I feel better.  This was a very hard adaptation for me.  I have never been one to get 8 hours of sleep.  Most of my education and professional life I got 4 -  6.  Well, not anymore I regularly get 8 and sometimes I even get 10.  And it is ok, my arse did not fall off!  Isn't that something I deserve without anything more?  Certainly something I have earned after working so hard so many years.  I plan to really experiment with this, maybe even take a nap once in a while (gasp).
Think.  Think of what is causing the stress.  Not the cause of the feeling of stress, but why whatever trigger created a reaction in me.  Is it something real?  Am I in danger?  Am I doing something that is inconsistent with my values?  Am i in fear?  Am I angry?  Am I tired?  Do i have a need that is not being met?  I took a nutrition course through my temp employer about 5 years ago.  It had to do with making good food and eating choices.  Many of our food choices are made out of emotion.  It taught me that we all have essential needs and if we can tune into what these
needs are, then we will be better able to find ways to meet these needs without food or other harmful substances and behaviors.  My vital needs are:  spirituality, order/closure, financial security, give/do for others, personal time, being with people, movement.
Exercise.  For me, this has been such a part of my personal hygiene that it is as normal as bathing and eating.  If i do not move, i pay for it.  I have had an active program of movement since i graduated from high school.  When i was in public school, we had PE.  PE lead to some sports and dance in high school and that caused me to think about how exercise benefits us.  I have done it regularly every since - 30+ years.  Not only does it cause neurotransmitters to be produced in our bodies - but it causes strength and tolerance, confidence and helps me clear my head.  I can't live without it.  I plan to be doing yoga and walking as long as I am literally able to move.
I hope someone reads this.  I get so much inspiration and connection from the things i read, especially blogs because they are so personal and not agenda driven.  I hope someone can connect with me on this entry.  What have i left out?  What do you do to combat stress?

My Eyes are Bigger than My Suburban

So, we had more confidence in the cargo abilities of the suburban than it actually has.  We could only fit 2 of the bookcases in, but we got all the last of our books loaded too!  Next time we go down, in 2 weeks, we can take the other 2 bookcases.  DH was disappointed, but I reminded him how great it was that after this load we will have all our books down at RH.  And the only thing worse than books, might be hanging clothes to move!

 

Anyway, we have a plethora of books.  But my DH loves books and has a nice collection of encyclopedias and was not even open to consider getting rid of them.  Also we both love similar mystery/crime novels and have a nice collection of fiction and so we have allowed for half and half.  I truly do plan to get back into reading in earnest once we are retired and I am not reading at work every day.  I have an advanced degree which required a lot of boring reading and I dreamed of the day when I would be able to read fiction.  That day is close!  And not a moment too soon.  I truly am getting to a place where my age and chronic condition are making me feel like I could not continue to work much longer, even if I wanted to!  I am sure it is just a culmination of the past year stress and intensifying that I know we will literally be unable to avoid as we continue to move stuff, finish fixing up projects of RH, fix projects of CH we are selling, list/show/sell CH, live in temp location while DH finishes his last few months, get all my licenses/CE moved to retirement state, finish taxes, worry about my DGM and the effect of all this on her, continue to help her with her books, etc.  My stomach just hurts thinking about it.

 

So, I take a deep yoga breath.  Practice my meditation.  Continue my walks (I walked after work yesterday!).  And do the little day to day steps to help all this happen.  I.E.  we are following the money we are waiting on from the sale of our expensive car - we are using it to pay off our phones and other costs, like the expense of getting our downstairs CH carpet stretched and cleaned.  In this same month we have gone from expensive service with large cellular provider to the plans at WM.  Going from $207/month to $120/month.  But, we did have outlay of significant costs of my new phone and DH year old phone he had to pay off.  My intention is to wean off my phone more, of the couple year life that these phone essentially have.  After 2 years both my last 2 models got very slow and do not hold a charge.  I do not have IPhone, which was what the media focused on few months ago - but I seriously doubt this problem/feature/design is limited just to iphones. 

 

One of the big reasons I have been tethered to my phone was the constant activity required to sell stuff.  I am finished doing that.  Although the cash was nice, it came with it's own cost (serious time drain!).  I have pretty much officially changed over my wardrobe to what I think will be useful casual (daily stuff, walking, yoga, kayaking, hiking and golf), from my corporate wardrobe.  I hope to never look back, but if I do, I can buy new stuff!  Just last night I used my last credits from clothes we sold to buy a 2nd hand hooded raincoat and a pair of slightly used Bean boots.  I am so excited!  I just go through in my mind what I will get rid of...and I will prob get rid of a couple coats that are duplicative and sort of dressy that lack waterproof/hood.  I will also get rid of pair of cheap/non waterproof boots and a pair of slippers to make room for new. 

 

So, that are some things that make me happy while I am dreading/anxious about my looming to-do list.  Hope you all have a great Friday.  I will have a great weekend, but I will be tired from loading and unloading, a little unsatisfied we could not get all the bookcases and starting a strick elimination diet due to my stomach issues I have had for over a week.  I just have to focus on my gratitude, my God and His plan.