Today is my flex day.  I will spend the day mowing the yard, vacuuming, getting groceries, fixing meals, going to a medical appointment and a have a consult with an elder attorney.

For approximately 6 months I have been working 4 days a week, 10 hours.  Since another person on my team had Fridays off, that was not available to me.  I power through Mondays, so I did not want Mondays.  So I picked Wednesdays for a mid week break.  It has been working for me so far.  I can power through Monday and Tuesday and get a day to breath and take care of household stuff Wednesdays, errands, shopping.  We found out this week at work, that our 4 day flex weeks might be taken away now.  If there is one thing that is a constant in corporate, especially claims, is change.  About the time I work hard on something and develop a system and learn it, it changes. 

I am so glad I have gone through 2 downsizes already.  And I remain ever grateful that I am able to 100% work remote.  About the time DH and I moved from the city (downsize #1) and he retired, came the pandemic and virtual work.  I have been working remotely from home since 2020.  We moved from the city and DH retired at the end of 2018.  For a year I commuted 3 hours back the city on Mondays and came home Thursday nights.  I stayed during the week with my aunt and uncle.  Then in 2020 I got another gig, a temporary job.  Then eventually in 2021 I got this full time job with a large insurance company.  Last year we sold our larger country home and moved to this smaller house in a neighborhood with a smaller yard (downsize #2).  

Now that we are in this health challenge for DH, I am so thankful that I work at home so that I can be with him.  But I am not really with him much during the day, because my job is very demanding and fast paced.  I am going to ask his sister if she can come and spend at least part of a day with him each week.  I cannot believe I have to even ask.  She has not offered any help at all.  Not even a meal.  She lives 8 miles away.  2 weeks ago when I told her the doctors and coming to the possible dementia diagnosis, she said "she would be praying for us and that she WISHED she could help us".  She spent over a year helping her mom in her mom's home with her dementia.  Maybe she has caregiver burnout - who could blame her?  

I cannot quit working right now at the risk of my own financial future.  DH is 13 years older than I.  I am not quite 60 yet, so I have maybe 20-25 years of life that I am saving for.  I am learning that what has happened to DH is not just a stroke, he has possible, quite likely permanent damage that will not only never go away, but will progressively get worse.  Professionals and people that I know with personal experience with dementia tell me that eventually he will need round the clock care.  I do not think I can do that alone.  I know I cannot do it while working.  

DH sister put her parents in skilled nursing just after Christmas last year.  Before that she went to their house at least once a day for over a year to do laundry and provide meals.  DH mom was on hospice for over a year, so there was that resource for help too.  I am learning that in my state, one qualifies for hospice when doctors indicate that person could die within 6 months.  Until hospice, you must pay privately for help, use long term care insurance or qualify for medicaid.  

We did not buy long term care insurance, it was too expensive.  We do not qualify for medicaid.  So I am looking to hire private care.  It will cost $30 - $50 to go through a formal agency.  Individuals will charge $20 and hour.  I am going to call a couple names I have been given by friends to see if I can set something up.  I am going to 25 hours a week for a total of $2000 a month to help me at $20/hour.  This has to come out of my budget.  So far I have turned off cable, stopped all monthly subscriptions except for Netflix and Amazon, I have turned in our backup internet and simplified and cheapened our cell phone plan.  Next I will likely sell one of our vehicles.  I will immediately stop saving any money - this all should help me make up that $2000/month difference.  This will help me get some sleep - that is the main thing I am lacking now affecting me short term, anyway.  And buy us some time. 

More next time, thank you for reading.