Z for zero

Zero, zilch, zip...no more tasks I have to do to prep, stage or maintain my house for sale.  Because.....it sold!

We are beyond excited!  We had 2 people who wanted it.  A really nice man getting a divorce and selling a house first and an older single woman with no contingency.  We went with her. 

I do have to secure a home warranty for her, get our exact payoff and see about date for closing with title company...but the light is visible at the end of the tunnel!

And we have over 2 months to get the rest of our stuff moved!  Whoo hoooooo.

Yoga

I tried yoga back in the 90's as a young career woman.  Coming to adulthood in the late 80's early 90's, we were told you had to have cardio essentially to get a good workout.  It was only later that women were told that we need weight resistance.  That weight resistance would not lead us to have big bulky muscles.  So, although I liked yoga, I did not think it was intense enough and I did other stuff:  jogging, roller blading, step aerobics, jazzercise, Jane Fonda and Tracy Austin videos...etc.  Then as my knees got older, I pretty much stuck with walking.  As I approached late 40's though, the attraction of lower impact made me go back to yoga...that, and my girlfriend was interested too.  And all through my workout years, I never had a workout partner.  So, it was nice to have a friend also interested.  So we started going in 2012.  The progress comes quick for about the 1st six months.  Then it slowed for me.  Then seemed like nothing changed for years.  But it did.  I have become much more used to the deep breathing and today I am able to balance MUCH better.  I still need to work on core and upper body strength.  But perhaps the most important thing of all is my recognition that our thoughts very much affect our actions.

X is for Gen X

I was just talking to a friend today about this, since I am Gen X and he is right in between Gen X and Baby Boomer.  My husband is Baby Boomer.  I am not sure what this has to do with rightsize, but I do know that since I never had children, I never felt the need to buy the bigger house that I see a lot of my generaltion either still in or trying to get in.  Since DH a few years older than me, we will be early pioneer downsizers compared to several of my friends.  I wanted kids, but it just did not happen.  I know that God has a reason or everything, and let's us have free will and my priorities were not aligned with my priorities now.  So, when I was young, that was not a priority for me.  Working and career were...not because I was vain or shallow or selfish, but because I saw my mom and dad struggle to make ends meet.  So, I was determined to be independent.  But I was sold a bill of goods that we could have it all...and I refused to look at things honestly.  I had blinders on.  Well, my twenties were sort of sad...lost my mom, lost dear late husband...I felt older than any other 20 year old I could have dated.  So, it was easy to focus on career and avoid some tough feelings and stayed delusional about some things.  Fortunately, I found this was impossible to remain in the dark forever and eventually dealt with some truths and gained some crucial insight.  I like to think that God has shown me how nice and peaceful life can be when I am not in conflict about what I want and what I do.  Life without children does not have the highs and lows of raising kids.  Life is sort of boring without kids, but life is also quiet and peaceful and the ripples are from us alone.

Waste

After having paired down our belongings the last couple years, part of my feeling of maintenance is to not buy stuff unless we are going to consume it, pretty much, or use it to make our lives easier - like my new steamer.  II buy clothes or shoes, they essentially have a purpose (like my hiking shoes or my new casual flat booties - I no longer need high heels).  And even then, I get rid of other less useful, less comfortable, less flattering items.  I got rid of 2 high heel booties that I will never wear once I am not dressing for the office.
Even if we consume, I get the best deal I can find on products, use any coupons or points apps and buy the most economic size.  As for food, I buy a lot of vegetables that we can consume raw or cooked.  That way, if we don't consume them raw (salad), I can freeze it in the freezer and make smoothies (spinach) or cook in a soup or stirfry.  Produce is so expensive, I avoid waste.  I saw a great idea for using all food purchased on one of those life hack articles on the internet:  if you buy a plastic bin and use it in the fridge, you can easily sequester such items here when they are nearing the end of their shelf life and be sure you won't waste them.  I like it.  We have also discussed with our brother in law possibly getting some local pork, so DH and I are thinking of buying a new upright freezer before the end of the summer.  We had one a while back for years that I loved buying meat and other stuff on sale and stockpiling, but it stopped working about 2 years ago.  It was sort of handy that it shot craps when it did, because it was in our basement and it gave us plenty of time to get ride of it before we moved this year.  I used all the stuff out of it that we wanted and then I cleaned it out.  Then DH took the door off of it and we moved it out the back door (we have walk out basement) and into our large SUV and drove it around to the front and put it on the curb for heavy trash pick up.  Now we will just buy a new one for RH and have it delivered there.

Visit a Memory

There was a part of Stephanie Madolf Mack's memoir that stirred something inside me that had been suppressed for exactly 25 years...scent.  She recounts an incident where her late husband's teenage son took some of his father's clothes out of the house.  One of the items was a flannel shirt that still had his father's, Mark's scent on it.  Stephanie had worn the shirt too and had noticed her late husband's scent.  Although I know nothing of losing a spouse to completed suicide, I do recall having this same experience when I could no longer detect his scent after he died.  I think the last place was his pillow.  This memory now that I had not thought of in 25 years has no relevance in my life today, except that it happened.

Understand

I could title this post A for Anxiety again.  But I already did one titled Anxiety.  Plus, this resource I found sort of moves beyong Anxiety...to awareness and coping.
I just listened to Claire Bidwell Smith's book "The Rules of Inheretance".  Which I loved.  And I found she has a podcast.  I listened to her explain her 3rd book, coming out this fall.  is titled "Anxiety, The Missing Stage of Grief".  As someone who has explored (after avoiding) grief, I would not exactly say I was missing it, BOB....hahahaha....random movie quote.  Anxiety has been holding my hand for my entire life, I think it just intensified and I am just now making the connection, that it could be grief...more specifically not dealing with grief...that has lead to much of mine.
And how ironically I am sitting here listing to her first podcast and I see on social media that a good friend of mine lost his mom.  She was a 90+ year old feisty little German lady named Ursula.  And I loved her.  My heart aches for her son and grand daughter.  And my friend's wife, her daughter in law.  Another good friend of mine.  RIP Ursula, you will be missed.

Talk (Specifically to myself)

I had a massage few Sat ago...woman told me that saying I had a mess/tension area was negative and I should say tight/hardworking muscles...okay, it is a little spacey touchy feely for me...but it is after all, true.  And really effective...So, lately I have been really trying to rewire the self talk.  After all, how we think is how we believe and how we believe is how we see the world and deal with others.  And it is the origin of our basic feelings. 

I am getting ready to move to a very small town and have none of my friends around, except my DH of course.  And I am friends with his awesome Sister.  And my sister is an hour away.  I have learned that it is not so much what we say to our companions, as how we make them feel.  I have a couple of people I dearly love that make me feel stressed and uncomfortable because of their own turmoil.  I think it has to do with their turmoil, not me...but it makes me want to limit my time with them.  If I am tired or depleated myself, especially.  I want to be sure that I am not that type of person as I age. My mom used to give me lots of advice about how to get along with people.  When you are a female in elementary or middle school...or even high school...you can really have a hard time finding your footing with other young, insecure girls.  My mom used to tell me that people want to hang around someone who is friendly and smiles a lot.  She used to tell me to smile and act like I was happy, even if I wasn't.  I remember thinking how stupid that sounded.  I think that is what she was trying to convey though - a)  if I act happy, I will be happy and b) people feel happier around other happy people. 
I had lunch with my aunts Sat and we watched the movie "I Can Only Imagine" and I though a lot about my parents.  They both died of cancer.  My mom loved her kids unconditionally.  My dad did, as long as you did not do something he disapproved of.  And my dad was such a narcissist that it was hard to tell what he wanted, I guess someone who reflected the things he liked (independence, confidence, intelligence, hard work, happy, attractive, fun, talent)...if you were less than, he either used that weakness to target (in my case it was my weight - he would tease me about my weight constantly) or he would just sort of go off and do his own thing because he saw you as someone who had nothing to offer him.  When I was younger, if I had seen a movie like this I would have had strong flashback feelings and would have cried and had to go home.  But after all the work I have done dealing with things (memories, feelings, resentments, regrets), it just caused me to reflect and then be glad that I too have found a comfortable personal day to day relationship with God, a God as I understand Him.  A God who loves me unconditionally.  My aunts and I talked about the movie and the complicated love of family in context of my niece's upcoming wedding next month.  I agree that God has a plan and I may not recognize it yet, but I am content in the knowledge that it will be revealed.  They reminded me that my sister did this same type of move to my mom, i.e. pretty much told her unceremoniously that she was getting married and eloped.  They acted surprised I did not recall this.  I reminded them that at the time, my mom was dying and my husband was taking chemo for his cancer.  I have very limited memories of that time.  I have very limited memories of most things!  HA

I have shown our house 4 times now.  It seems that 1 of the 4 is ready to buy right now (a house - not nec MY house) and 2 of the 4 have to sell a house first.  So, one of the people we have shown it to is a man who lives nearby...he and wife want to downsize.  His wife is flight attendant - out of town till today.  We see if they come see it today after I get off work.  Whether we sell it on contingency...that will be something we have to consider...But we really liked this man and I sort of hope it works out that he is the one who buys it.

We have done alright living so neatly in a house we can show quickly, but it will get old read quick.  This weekend we did a bit of scraping/cleaning up of our deck, but we can't catch a break weather-wise.  It rained a little bit both Sat and Sun (and has rained 3 of the prior Sundays).  It should dry out well today and then I am going to at least paint the perimeter of if tonight and maybe we can finish tomorrow at the latest.  That is cutting it close - DH has his elbow surgery Wed and I have to drive to RH state to take a 3 day continue education seminar Wed afternoon.

This last project has hung over us for 2 months.  Will be such a relief too get it done.  Then maybe we will really be "ready" to sell and the forces will "let it go".  Fingers crossed.

Staging

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 I am all about selling this house.  We are not even into week one of trying to live in a model home and be ready at the drop of a dime to show it...while we both work full time.  Oh joy.  I hope this does not have to go on for too long.  I know we will look back on this and laugh someday when re reminisce about this crazy busy time.  Sell this house!  I showed it to a woman and her daughter Sunday.  I am showing it tonight after work and I am showing it again this weekend! 
Our patio home is the middle unit of 3 to a building.  It is 2 levels, the stairs being the large open cutout in the center of the unit.  So, no door to shut and the large windows facing southwest and the vaulted ceilings and tray ceilings in basement all make our unit very bright.  I love our home, but honestly, it really is too big for us.  DH just stays upstairs in the main living room all the time.  I prefer the basement because it is cozier and I don't like vaulted ceilings.  If I was a single person, I would for sure prefer the smaller ones.  But, my priorities have changed along this journey of my life.  I used to want more, more, more.  After dragging this stuff around and trying to maintain it, organize it, store it, move it...esp clean it and clean around it...I have learned the less I have, the less I have to curate it. 
DH has said many times maybe we should have bought a bigger house for retirement.  I think not.  I am so glad we found the one we found and loved it so much.  it is the 2nd house we have bought together and both houses we both instantly liked just as much as the other person and both decisions to buy have been easy.  This RH has forced us to look at our possessions and assess how they will fit in our lifestyle.  More than just a move would have done because we are literally changing our lifestyles.  Any move I have made (and I have moved A LOT) has forced me to make some purging decisions.  Especially our last move of 2 households into one - we both had 3 bedroom houses!  But moving into this RH with no basement storage, has really made me prioritize and DH too.  He is the one who decided our budget and I am usually the conservative saver/budgeter, but I paused...how much?!  I asked.  Well, there went his view.  He did give up his hope for a view, but seriously.  Add $100k on for a view where we were looking.  And choosing the area we chose, near his mother and father  and sister and her husband, has been a God-send toward helping us get the home and get it ready for us to move there full time.  Thank goodness we went this route.  They have helped us fix things, let people in to fix things, gotten our mail, given us firewood, watered our plants, checked on our water heater, referred a handy man/contractor/mower to us...we could NOT have done this without our family. 
Here are some pictures of city house we are selling.  I wish I had more before...but it was sort of unremarkable.  I do have before of my basement library and after...the bookcases are before, the carpeted room are the after.

Rest

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My friend at work has a funny saying "crank daddy out a hit".  We were just talking this morning about activity level, health and how sitting at work all day 8 - 12 hours a day is not good for us.  It takes years to build up strength and endurance.  I walked with my girlfriend last night, T.  We were reflecting how long it has been since it was nice enough outside in this long Midwest winter.  Our usual 4 miles was harder last night.  We also discussed our yoga over the past 6 years and how we see progress being made.  But it has taken 6 years!  And this morning my work friend and I were talking about how just the last year of overtime has sapped us!  Years to build up, months to lose.  But, the important take away is that it is NEVER too late to start.  If nothing else, working out benefits my state of mind.  I think it will be more easy to fit in and more important than ever to continue this in retirement.  My DH has been eating a little bit better and walking more with golf and he has lost 12 pounds in 3 months.  Funny thing is, our doctor told him his sodium was low, so to drink less water.  What?!  That is crazy, but makes sense because he and I have been obsessed with water and I think it is because of 3 things:  1)  our Y*@i tumblers.  I love them!  2)  we gave up diet soda and 3)  this sort of goes together, but I think he and I both are more sensitive to salt/medications may be making us thirsty.  Either way, good news...unless there is some underlying problem I need to worry about...too late, I worry proactively.  We are really focusing on getting our required sleep every night with these last couple years of hard work on both houses, at our jobs and with my health condition.  So, here's to not worrying...not worrying that this weekend will AGAIN be cold and rainy and so we still will not be able to paint our deck...not worrying that my dogs health is tenuous and they will get sick again...not worry that my DH has underlying health issue...not worrying that I will soon be moving away from my 99 year old dear grandmother...not worrying that we won't sell our house soon enough...or fast enough...No, I refuse to worry.  I will focus on gratitude, rest and turning it over to Him...and lunch and a movie with my 2 aunts on Sat.  Life is good!

Quote

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I recently listened to the Stephanie Madolf Mack memoir "The End of Normal".  She gives a quote that made me stop what I was doing and write it down:  "...These banalities of everyday life aren't anything you think to preserve, much less cherish..."  But anyone who has been through any type of trauma or heartbreak will tell you they totally are.  And I think that was what she was trying to say.  Her husband was Bernie Madolf's oldest son and was devastated to the point of suicide by his father's crime. She had 2 young children with Mark Madolf before he died.
I am actually looking forward to hot yoga tonight, Tues night eagle pose eluded me on my left leg (my stronger balance leg) but I totally nailed it on the right!  Yes.  I still can barely suffer through the pose where he makes us stand on one leg and grab the other foot with both hands while face down to bent knee, then we straighten the knee keeping our head down to knee (I don't know what this one is called).  But I feel progress being made...I will get there!  I just recently got into a handstand position and could hold it (with a spotter).  I cannot get into it fluidly, I do a bit of huffing and puffing and maybe even a squeal, but I can support myself with my arms.  That is the first step...actually that is not true...the first step is saying "I can do this". 
Have shown my house twice now.  I am showing it again this weekend I think.  And hopefully finishing all projects by cleaning/sandling/touching up my deck so we can put the sign in the yard Sunday.  Hopefully that will get us some more traffic the next weekend.  That weekend it is our neighborhood garage sale and the parade of homes - both happening weekend of April 25.  Of course I will be out of town at a continuing education seminar, but I am thinking of taking the dogs with me (we have a doggy door and a fenced yard at RH - so they can come and go while I am gone all day).  And then DH can focus on showing the house if nec.  He will be recovering from arm surgery (it is minor - some nerve damage, they will clean up some impingement happening at elbow).  So it will be perfect excuse for him to sit around and relax (and show the house, fingers crossed!).
The woman last night who came has a buyers agent and this buyers agent has really worked me over good about the commission.  I finally suggested that we finish the discussion if her client actually liked my house.  Geez, why are we even worrying about it now?!  This is a young divorcing mother of 2 teenage sons.  A nurse.  Her parents were with her.  Very nice, from California.  The agent let me know that the parents are capable of writing a check for cash.  Note:  she did not say they were GOING to pay with cash.  So much posturing.  Uggggh.  I HATE it.  I spare all the teeth gnashing and griping for DH and basically take it out on my friend at work who is 1)  well versed in buying and selling property and 2)  is from California.  He told me surely we had sold it when I told him the buyers agent called me after the showing discussing some of my homes weaknesses the ceiling (our huge vaulted ceiling has been repaired/spot painted from water damage from a storm back in 2012), the carpet downstairs is old and shows dirt and our deck needs to be repainted.  Well, I laughed and said we are waiting for the weather to cooperate to do the deck and the carpet is easily replaced - with someone's personal preference and the ceiling is what it is.  It is not hideous to look at, not really all that noticeable, but a discerning eye can surely see it and plus, we will have to disclose the water damage anyway.  DH and I were surprised nothing was said about our old white appliances.  Was she posturing or just thinking down the road if she does work with me.  I don't know.  I just know that this house is going to sell soon.  The sooner the better as we try to live in the house with 2 dogs and work full time downtown - 20 miles away.  But, it sure is fun living in such a clean and uncluttered home in the meanwhile with almost all projects done (except that pesky deck!).
After the showing last night, we exchanged a set of bath towel bars at the home store and went out for dinner and it was nice to just relax and not work on either house for an hour.  We talked a bit out our future and it was nice.  Then we came home and watched Josh Gates on TV.  HIs new show is called Legendary Locations and we enjoyed it.  And I worked on this afgan that I am making for my friend who is fostering my kitty all these months.  Her favorite color is blue so I used a medium bright cornflower sort of blue and a baby blue (it looks white in the photo, but is not) in this fun chevron pattern.  I know she will like it.  I have to sort of hurry though, because I find I don't work as well on crochet in the warmer weather.  I am outside as much as I can be and it is too warm working on a blanket on my lap in the heat.  Happy Thursday!

Perspective

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I am struggling a little with some personal stuff in my life with family.  Aren't we all?  I am worried about my niece and her getting married.  I project my own mistakes and choices and have a hard time talking to my sister.  She is VERY quiet and private and deals with things much differently than I.  So, I have a cousin I am close too also dealing with mid life, worry about our family older and younger family.  The sandwich years.  Hahaha.  But she and I deal with stuff by talking about it.  We have emailed back and forth a lot lately.  It really helps.  What I come away with essentially is that all these things that feel overwhelming.  I take then to God.  I believe in something bigger than me.  If I have a friend of loved one that does not believe in God, then I can talk to the nature/universe/harmony type of thing.  I don't have a problem couching it like that.  If someone thinks that is wrong, then that is a religion I would not be comfortable with.  Wow, religion...how did I get here?  Talk about a blog bomb!  Boom.  But, I know that opinions come from people with life experience.  Complicated, multilayered, unique and sometimes messy lives.  I just know what works for me is perspective.  I am learning later in life to sit back and be quiet and listen, likely my perspective will be seasoned if I let it.
Hope your Wednesday speaks to your heart today.

Obstacle

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I am trying to sell our house FSBO.  Why do realtors keep bugging me to agree to sign them?  We are just willing to do the work and save the commission so that we will have enough from CH proceeds to pay remainder of the loan and then have enough left over to pay off RH.  I have received text messages, calls, email, FB private message, eNeighbors messages, Nextdoor messages and letters trying to talk me out of that. 
Yesterday an agent texted asking me details about my home and asking if she could look at it on short notice.  She said her client was a nurse that worked nights. I said I worked and would have to do evenings or weekends.  Then nothing.  Then today she said that since she was bringing me clients, I implied I would be willing to pay the 3%.  I said no, we will be willing to work with her, but her clients need to work that out with her.  Then she sent another long email telling me why I should use an agent.  I again refused and said if we change our mind down the road, we would let them know.  Then she emailed back asking if she could see the house Wednesday.  I suggested 5pm and haven't heard form 3 hours. 
This is gonna be a long couple months...

Now or Never

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When I posted the title, I had the Elvis song playing in my head.  Ear worm.

I used to have a really busy job in the insurance industry.  In college, I majored in business.  It was the 80's and I was under the influence of such movies as Working Girl (Melanie Griffith), The Secret of My Success (Michael J. Fox) and Trading Places (Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy).  I considered a job in a lab (biomedical engineering - I loved chemistry but hated math) and something more artistic (decorating - too impractical).  My parent's felt I needed something more concrete since I was the first person in the family to go to college and they persuaded me to at least take typing and computers, so business made sense.  I figured I would probably end up as a secretary, but secretly longed to go to law school.
I finished with a BS in marketing.  I got a job in sales and hated it.  I had worked retail through college and like it mostly, but hated the hours and the flakiness of the employees.  Plus it did not pay well and you were on your feet all day.  But I liked helping the customers and displaying/showing the merchandise.  I consider fashion merchandising and advertising, but figured I would have to move far away and I missed my mom and sister too much in college. 
I applied for a job I found in the paper that was a good salary, but was not sales.  I got it.  Be careful for what you wish for.  I should clarify and say I did not get the actual job, but a slightly different version of what I applied for.  The other applicant that my hiring manager liked had a wife and kid.  My manager told me this, something you could never say today.  So, he hired the other guy and told me that he really wished he could hire us both.  I figured he was just saying that to be polite.  Well, about 2 - 4 weeks later I heard from him again.  Would I want to take the job that was just a step below and possibly work into the same position down the road?  Sure!  It was $23,500 a year and full benefits.  I actually would have medical insurance, vacation days and a 401(k).  Whooooopiiieeee.
This job was challenging but entertaining.  Everyday was something new and different.  We were quickly given very thorough training and authority.  We learned a lot.  I excelled.  It was unique enough, I got to use my left brain creative side.  But very time intensive and I worked long hours.  For many years.  I moved around, different states.  Got moved up and promoted, learned to specialize.  I liked the nature of my job overall, but 2 things remained challenging...time management and politics. 
We were given much training and pep talks in time management.  No preparation at all for politics.  Haha.  I really had no help at all in either area.  My father was a blue collar worker who essentially worked for his friend and my mom was a bank teller who hated management.
One of the things we were taught by Big Insurance was, only touch something once.  We had daily "diaries" of stuff to do on each "file" assigned to us.  Often the job was so overwhelming with "fires" that come up from tasks being forced up on us from new "files" or people calling and yelling at us that we would just move the diary ahead a few days, or a week.  This did not help in the long run, these tasks were still waiting for us, along with new "fires".  So, we were taught to 1)  do what you could to move the file forward any time you looked at it, 2)  diary ahead realistically and 3)  each piece of mail you got - put it where it needed to go when you first touched it.  Don't just stick it in a pile.  Summarize the mail in the computer database and file it with the appropriate hard file.
This has served me well in life.  I hate junk mail, I hate all mail, really.  Paper or electronic.  I do what I can to minimize it.  I elect to get electronic billing on all accounts and zero junk email (I opt out of all and create spam for all the offenders who ignore) and when I open paper mail I deal with it right then...a)  keep and file or b) shred and throw away.  I hope to add more efficiencies in my life like this (systems) upon retirement, so that I won't become bogged down with the slack routine and have loose ends.  I don't deal well with loose ends.  I would almost rather do something wrong than do nothing!  Ha.  Anyway, this has been your lesson in 90's Big Insurance rah rah boom bah pep talk about how to cram more into your day.  Not really, this is a way I can do my chores and have more fun.
Have a great Monday!

M momentum

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Sometimes it feels like a struggle to keep forward progress.  Momentum can be elusive, but I am still walking.

I gave bunch more stuff to my niece and nephews.  Put another load in RH.  Harder and harder finding space!  Ha, it's a good problem.

I am showing CH tonight!  Fingers crossed...

Let Go

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The other day on FB I saw a meme that said when we let go of all the things that are holding us back and making us sad, resentful, stuck in the past, anxious...we make room for more positive things.  This is a more abstract, psychological aspect of rightsizing, but just as important as physical right sizing. 
Went to hot yoga last night and tried this.  There are a couple of posses that just elude me.  Yoga poses can be like a golf swing, or learing to ride a motorcycle...there are numerous different stages that you have to remember to do all either simultaneously or as part of a sequence.  It is hard to remember all the things sometimes and you see the results accordingly.  Last night I was trying to get my folded leg around my standing leg as eagle pose and the instructor says "core, core, core" - like a lightbulb!  I did it!  Then I even did the other side.  He usu has to come over and move my foot around my standing leg.  When I start to learn something new, I can feel overwhelmed.  What I need to remember, is that eventually certain practices (motorcycle skill, golf, yoga, letting go and praying)...these all can develop into habits that become easier and eventually 2nd nature.
Have a wonderful Friday and I hope you can let something go that is not working for you and make room for something better.

Keep

Keep on Keeping on
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I am in awe of people who blog for more than a few months.  This is hard!  I am trying to do the A to Z challenge for April, and it sounded like a good idea at the time.  But I am a little stymied.  So, I will talk about something positive.  My theme is Righsizing (I prefer the term for my  own purposes than downsizing).  Rightsizing is moving  toward the type of home and lifestyle that allows me to pursue some peace and quiet and let's me get to know myself and my needs on a basic level.  I also want to experience some down time.  I have never been one to sit still.  I have never been good at being alone either.  I have been lucky enough to be happily married for several years now and love spending most of my time with my husband.  Although I am with him most of the time and want to be with him most of the time, i crave some solitude.  I also feel comfortable working on projects and being busy, but I am also tired.  I  crave some time where I do not have projects looming.  I guess I am looking for what most people seek - balance.    I had coffee with some friends after work (after I bought doggy pee pads and had flyers made for the house).  Then I went home, heated up some leftovers for DH, had some left over salmon that I baked the other day and I put my favorite soothing music on and washed my face and brushed my teeth and promptly went to bed at 8:30.  I only woke up briefly to take my ear buds out and then fell back asleep until time to get up to get ready for work.  I feel great today.  So, while I talk a lot of all the stuff I am doing to get ready to sell and move, purging, selling, giving, throwing away...one of the things I will keep are friends with coffee and thanks to texting, email, social media, blogging and podcasts...I can feel plugged in to real and virtual friends. 
How do you keep plugged in? 

J...Junction

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I am at a junction in my life and I can't wait to turn and start down the different path!  I hate the feeling of wishing time away and I have to be careful that I don't obsess on it.  But I am so ready for a change.  I have barely slept the past 3 weeks I have been so stressed about my dogs and about getting the house show ready and getting pictures of it to list.  Then last night I became obsessed with another thought - I need to get photos to make flyers to have ready for people who drive by!  Another thing on my to do list!
And my older male dog is just so restless and thirsty at night.  He whines and wakes me up several times a night wanting to drink water and go outside.  Well, in CH we do not have a fenced yard so I either have to put him on a leash or walk out with him and keep an eye on him.  Then the little girl dog wakes up and wants to go too!  Then we all have to try to sleep again.  A few nights when I have waken up, I can't get back to sleep because I am hungry...ugh.  Here I am at work today and I wish I had some of those glasses like Homer Simpson that he could put on and when he closed his eyes, the glasses looked like his eyes were still open!  HA 

Here is a photo of my two dogs.  The female is down below, the male on the back of my chair.  They love to be covered up.  Since they have been sick, they have both been very needing.  And Chihuahuas are pretty needy anyway, especially rescue Chihuahuas!

Anyway, it has got me to thinking.  Since we are moving for sure October 1st.  What big deal would it be if I move as soon as the house sells?  Then the dogs would have a fenced yard and I could get my kitty back from my friend who lives 3 hours away.  I don't think the kitty is doing well.  She is too old to adjust to other cats.  I really thought she would be ok, because she likes other people and animals so much, but she is just hanging out in their bathroom.  I really just think this is part of how I transition to such a big change...obsess and worry about it and brainstorm. 
It will all work out.  The important thing is that things are going to change BIG.  SOON.  I need to enjoy my day to day.  I am going to start with buying some puppy pads at the store tonight after work and see if I can persuade the male dog to sleep next to our bed, instead of on it.  Wish me luck.

Intentions, I is for

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I used to acquire more and more I think out of boredom and just for entertainment.  I realized that this was not making me happy (in fact, just the opposite) and so I hope to learn more about what does make me happy and strip away detractions.  From now on, my purchasing will be much more intentional.  How I spend any resources...time, energy as well as money. 
Today I intend to shore up my priorities and focus on people and experiences...not stuff.  The other day DH and I were looking for a place the DH used to know of where one could sell coins/collections.  The man must have retired or moved...we were going to find a little place to get lunch.  We just stopped and ran into this little place and it was charming.  I told him I wanted to get back in touch with the spontaneous side - an intention to be spontaneous?  This seems contrary, but not really.  I think because spontaneity reflects more lighthearted unstructured approach to our time and our lives and less stringent attention to "stuff". 
Have a wonderful Tuesday!

H for Hope, i am finally caught up in A to Z!

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Sometimes I get pretty down that I did not get to have children.  So, as we have aged and as we are moving/selling one house and purging a lot.  I realize that this will be a lifelone process for me.  My lightening the load is affected by my DH.  He wants to keep everything.  JIC!
But after having purged SO MUCH from our CH we are getting ready to sell.  It has been a very positive experience, clearing spaces and clutter.  Have things we use everyday put away in such a manner that we can easily access, easily clean and easily put away out of sight.  I could get used to this!
I think as we retire and I get DH to help me more with cooking and cleaning, he will come along too.  He has made great strides in the past few years helping to purge.  He is amazing because so much of the way I want my life to look has meant some change/acceptance/effort on is part too!  For example, I cleared out the master bath and kicthen so that everything we use out of sight and not on the counters.  Makes it pleasing to look at (peaceful) and SO much easier to clean.
My hope is that I continue this journey and continue to live intentionally and be able to have more down time.  That in turn alleviates my stress (and let's fact it, resentments) and makes me feel nice and contented...something I have search for into my 40s.  I feel better about streamlining my home to have fun now and to not burden neice and nephews later!
We had a conversation with DH brother and our sister in law last night.  We are all at the age where we are slowing down, don't want so much stuff and need to be mindful of our limits.  We all had experienced an increasing sense of urgency and desire to change primarily due to "stuff" lately.  I told them that doing all this moving makes me feel like I am losing the battle, but the awareness is the first step.  What we choose to do to remedy this is up to us!
What does hope mean to you?  Short term?  Long term?

G for Give

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To rightsize, to give.  I have given so much to charity, to friends.  In the past 4 or 5 years, I have given away and sold nearly half of my stuff and quite a bit of DH.  What he will part with!

The rest, he will have to face reality when we get it all down there and try to fit it!

But by getting rid of so much has freed up so much.  Giving to others to help them or just to make them happy has made me happy and I enjoy the lightening up.  I get all the rest of CH photographed for the online listing.  I just have one more room...after coffee I will tackle laundry room.

But I really like the way we have cleared surfaces.  It looks clean and neat and easy to keep clean.  Maybe we can improve our space like this all the time.   I don't mind stuff displayed to enjoy...but working surfaces (kitchen and bath), I am liking the clean look.

Hope you are having a good Sunday.   Its 35 degrees here and might snow,  so good day to clean.

Finances

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How appropriate, today I was gonna tackle F and I thought F...finances.

2 things.  DH and I are pouring through about 800 coins for my DGM that she collected with my grandfather.   He was killed in 1977 in a horrible accident.  So, she still has part of their collection.  All but 2 circulated.  Less than $80 face value...about 225 coins are high silver (earlier than 1965).  We will see what we can get for her, some melt,  some numismatic collector value and most face value.

Other thing on my mind is how sick both of my dogs have been.  It started when I took to a vet not my usual vet...for their ear allergies.  They received medicine for ears and a week latter my 10 yo male chi mix got very sick...cried for 4 days and we had all kinds of tests and got better in about 4 days; then our 4 yo chi female got very sick and we took her to emergency vet one night and then back to ear vet.  Ear vet was in surgery, so they told DH drop her off and get would check her after surgery.   DH back to work.  No word till afternoon.  Tech told me more tests...said after DH dropped her off she was not acting as if she was as miserable.   Called, said we could pick her up after work, get tech said possibly virus.  Asked me to bring back fecal sample.  She seemed little better overnight while we waited for results.  During afternoon Friday vet called and said she had pancreatitis!  Suggested we bring her back for admittance and iv drip!  I was angry (they did nothing for her all day thursday!) and scared...raced home...she still seemed ok.  Wow, had been quite the couple of weeks...my credit card very busy...I am really angry about how the vet handled things...need to let it process and pray about it.  I will gladly pay the expensive bills... just want my dogs to be ok...and to get a good night's rest.

Extra

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Extra stuff has weighed me down and kept me busy.  Extra stuff has become a big part of my life, home and even career.  Extra stuff affects my priorities.  Extra stuff keep me extra busy.  Extra stuff has been distraction from being honest with myself about my attitudes and actions.  Extra stuff has been a false source of pride and self worth.  Extra stuff has affected my relationships with others.  Extra stuff makes me feel like a failure.  Extra stuff has made me have debt.  Extra stuff expands exponentially.  Extra stuff requires more care cleaning.  Extra stuff has made me anxious.  I regret a lot of my extra stuff.  I have changed how I look at extra stuff.  I have gotten rid of a lot of extra stuff.  Extra stuff now helps me see more clearly.  Extra stuff can be used to bring other people joy.  Extra stuff can help other people.  It is not too late.  Extra stuff will always be something I think about now.

D for Debt

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I realized I am a letter behind.  I will catch up Monday.
Debt is a symptom.  Maybe people go into debt because they don't know anything else.  Maybe people go into debt to avoid dealing with something.  At the basic level, debt is spending more than you make.  Or, at least choosing to pay later instead of sooner. 
Speaking of debt, now my girl Chihuahua is sick.  In the last 2 months, between getting cat all her shots so she could live safely with my friend's cats for a few months and my 2 dogs being sick, I think we have spent over $1300.  All of it charged...then the usual expenses confronted in the first part of a year...taxes, continuing education, professional licenses, HOA...then the bathroom tile...I am on a strict no spending plan now.  Which means I have to work to earn...so after being up most of the night with my sick female dog, I sure did want to stay home today.  But I managed to get up and in on time.  I am glad DH has a work from home day, he can keep an eye on her.  All she did was whimper last night.  We took her to emergency vet, they ruled out anything obvious/life threatening, so we brought her home.  She has been increasingly uncomfortable last 3 days, culminating in extreme discomfort and vomiting last night. 
Also speaking of debt, the opposite of it.  Before I got home to find my little girl sick, I spent time with my dear grandmother.  She and I went through a coin collection of hers and counted it all out and catalogued it so that DH and I can liquidate it for her.  it was $70 and some change face value but included some old coins, steel pennies, some Mercury and Liberty dimes and other silver coins, like some old quarters.  She will be happy to get that done, she said she might as well do it now and enjoy a treat - I wholeheartedly agree.
How will you treat yourselves today?  I am going to say some prayers and breathe deep and go to 2nd hot yoga this week, tonight and bed at 8:30pm!  I do have a man that saw my "coming soon" house listing.  He wants to see it when we are ready to show it.  That is a little treat, even if nothing comes of it.  I realized a certain number of people going to have to see our listing before we find "the one".  Have a great Thursday!
Psalm 50:10-11 “For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine.”

C for Choices

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I got my labs the weekend I was out of state for a wedding.  My numbers all look really good.  It made me think about personal choices.  I have been improving my eating slowly and sometimes too slowly, out of a desire to be more healthy and stay trim, but also because of all my stomach woes.  In my search to find answers about my stomach problems, I fluctuate between the hope that I can find medicine that helps and being able to find a lifestyle/eating formula that helps.  If medicine helps, then I don't have to be personally accountable and I don't have to feel like I have failed.  But, the longer I travel this journey, the more I am understanding that what I put into my body affects me, just like it affects anyone - our health.  But almost immediately I can feel horrible and be sick for hours or days.  So, I keep trying to tweak it.  My cholesterol, good and bad are good, my glucose is good.  My blood pressure good.  My vitamin D still on track going on 2nd year in a row.  My weight is good.  I am going to keep trying to put one foot in front of the other.  After all, isn't it better that I do have accountability and realize how I feel is in my own control and directly related to the choices I make?
Here are some of the changes I have made over the years to improve my health.  I exercise (walking and yoga).  I eat at home mostly.  I limit carbs and processed food.  Carbs i eat are potatoes, quinoa, rice and home made bread/biscuits.  I eat more vegetables, fruit and lean meat.  I have pork or beef maybe once a week.  I cut dairy 2 years ago.  I limit sugar, but when I have sugar I have a small amount of what i crave.  I eat my potatoes i love, but switch to sweet potatoes half the time.  I stopped drinking soda 2 years ago.  No artificial sweetener.  I have been doing intermittent fasting since Nov and feel it is working for me - i skip breakfast.  For the past year or so, I have been eating very small evening meal - sometimes broth (google bone broth) or smoothie only.  In my smoothies I put bunch of spinach, ground flaxseed/chia seed, vegan protein and fruit.  I blend with almond or coconut milk.  Only caffeine is 2 cups of coffee in the morning.  i put a mix of nutrients in it that include cacao, lacuna, collagen, maca and coconut sugar - along with spices like nutmeg, cinnamon and cardamom.  I enjoy it so much, it has helped me cut back to almost no more artificial powder creamer (i know, i know).  Every day i have 1 green tea and take vitamin, mineral and herbal supplements and after much research and trial and error, have found a combination that helps me feel my best (including vit C, vit D, B chewables, probiotic, digestive enzymes, fish oil, calcium, zinc, magnesium and special eye supplement).  On Friday and Saturday I pretty much eat what I want.  The rest of the week is pretty regimented. 
What are you doing to be healthy?

Bathroom Before and After

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Have I got some Befores and Afters for you!  I love makeovers!  Make up and hair, clothes, but I LOVE HGTV worthy makeovers.  When I do a project at home, I make my husband wait for the "reveal".  He gets a kick out of it.  Usu, because I just work away and let him do his thing.  I just have a hard time sitting still but he does not.  But he is getting better at helping me and I am getting better at relaxing.  Hopefully in retirement, we will be good for each other!
So, my tile before and after is here.  We just love how it turned out.  The top part of our shower was already a nice neutral bright ivory.  We left it.  It did also have very light grout, the  light grout did not work out down low where the walls met the floor.  It had mildew that I could not get clean.  Our contractor said the walls were tiled, then the floor poured after//tiled.  Incorrectly.  He said they also used silicone instead/over/replaced some of the grout in the crack around the outside of the floor.  He rounded the walls into the floor, built the floor up and graded to the drain so the water will drain and not stand, we also put in a powerful fan just outside the shower and took the door off.  HOpefully, we won't have mildew.  The grout is also dark down low, the transition from light to dark acceptable to us.  We love how it looks and won't miss the pink!  We did the entire floor of the master bath in a coordinating tile with the same dark grout.  Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Anxiety

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I am going to try and do April A to Z challenge this year.   I am not totally up on the technology, but I will give it a shot.
My theme is rightsize.
A for me stands for Anxiety.  Marrying another person who collects lead us to accumulate.  11 years in our house lead to lots of stuff.  In 2 to 6 months we are moving.  I have been purging for 2 years.
2 houses has lead to excitement and anxiety.  Too much stuff = anxiety.  Too much stuff means too much physical, but also too much mental.  I feel like I have been dealing too much for the last couple of years with "stuff" and not as much on personal experiences with people who matter to me.  Some weekends I tell me husband "stuff is winning".  But, I know that my perspective has shifted and now my actions follow and soon, it will all be worth it.  Out of necessity - selling one house means I have to get rid of a bunch, over half our stuff.  But, also out of a desire for something different.  I think it will be a lifelong process, but one that I am willing to put in the hard work. 
Happy Monday everyone!  Today it is gray and snowy here in the Midwest.  We won't see the sun till Wednesday.  Some April Fool, Mother Nature!  Do you all have any good April Fools jokes?  Once I had a co worker who always played jokes on people.  I am not good at practical jokes.  I cannot keep a straight face and on the phone, I laugh.  But one year I enlisted the help of a 3rd friend to call joking friend and tell joking friend that his vehicle that was at the mechanics was going to cost $1000.  He about had a fit!  The fun thing was, I worked with him.  So when 3rd friend called joking friend, myself and a couple other co workers were in the other room listening to it play out.  It was so fun!  Tell me some of your experiences, I can always use more ideas!  HAHA