Yesterday late, my friend's son posted a wonderful picture of his mom looking at him after his high school team won an important basketball game. The look on her face is pure love and joy. He is telling people that if they want to share stories about his mom, he will pass them on to her. I have loved reading the posts. So many people love her. Funny photos. Great memories. We all need to share these things with our friends and loved ones every day.
Have a great Thursday.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Thursday, June 6, 2019
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Merry Christmas
Have been pretty busy celebrating Christmas with families. I am tired and ready for it to be over, but in a good way. Between baking and helping my inlaws serve 2 meals, and having a nephew overnight, I am having some sore back and feel like I need to start my diet tomorrow! I did manage to walk Sunday and Monday. Today I did a mini yoga session on my own. I think I will take a day off walking to rest my back. Oh, we also raked leaves Sunday.
Last night we had dinner with my sister and her family. Today I am hosting DH family. Tomorrow should be pretty relaxing. I feel the abundance in my life.
I hope all of you are spending your holiday with someone you love, or at least holding memories close. I feel sad my DGM dear grandmother is probably spending her day alone, at least with her fellow residents. My aunt was in the hospital with the flu the one grandchild besides me would would be there I guess he is sick too.
Sometimes our memories are all we have. Sometimes we have to reach out to friends for companionship. I know I have dwelt on these things much throughout my life. I have learned to have a day to day relationship to God. That is all I will need as I grow old, God wiling.
Let there be peace and gratitude in your hearts everyday, not just day.
Last night we had dinner with my sister and her family. Today I am hosting DH family. Tomorrow should be pretty relaxing. I feel the abundance in my life.
I hope all of you are spending your holiday with someone you love, or at least holding memories close. I feel sad my DGM dear grandmother is probably spending her day alone, at least with her fellow residents. My aunt was in the hospital with the flu the one grandchild besides me would would be there I guess he is sick too.
Sometimes our memories are all we have. Sometimes we have to reach out to friends for companionship. I know I have dwelt on these things much throughout my life. I have learned to have a day to day relationship to God. That is all I will need as I grow old, God wiling.
Let there be peace and gratitude in your hearts everyday, not just day.
Friday, September 21, 2018
My Last Friday at this Job
/baNGk/ noun: bank; plural noun: banks
1. The land alongside or sloping down to a river or lake.
"the bank of the great river"
2. a slope, mass, or mound of a particular substance.
"a bank of clouds"
accumulation, pile, heap, mass, drift...
3. a set or series of similar things, especially electrical or electronic devices, grouped together in rows.
"the DJ had big banks of lights and speakers on either side of his console"
My mom used to give us minimal chores to do around the house, esp in the summer. I would always get up and do mine right away. My sister would wait until 15 min before my mom would get home from work and do hers as quick as she could. I was always thinking that I could control my chores or allotment of a resource to maximize it.
When I was little and it was nearing bedtime, I thought I could watch the clock closely and time would actually slow down. Not just for me - for the universe. I also thought the chuckwagon in the Chuckwagon Dog Food commercials was real - so what did I know?!
I have been saying goodbyes a lot and I am finding I am running out of time. So, people calling me to see if they can see us before we leave...no more time...but we are flattered people are thinking of us. Seems like we had all kinds of time, and now we have tasks practically every day until we get in our 2 cars and leave. I am trying to manipulate my limited time by being really present in the moment and I have to say...why don't I do this more often?
I should not have waited until a couple of weeks before DH retirement. But, I am not unique. I see people all around me shoving as much as they can in each day. Trying to maximize their limited allotment...of time, money, energy...If you bring up the subject with anyone, they will probably have a similar experience.
I have been trying to have lunch or dinner with an old friend for 9 months. We are finally getting it done tonight, I think. I will let you know if it happens. Crazy. Why I think I have to stuff as much into each day, inspiration, exercise, coffee with friends, work, errands, hygiene, nutrition, recreation, dog time, husband time, friend connection, social media time, news...I know when I take a few weeks off, I will look back and marvel how I "got so much done". And how will that measurement translate? It used to be the measuring stick I measured myself with. Maybe that is what is truly scary for me about no longer being professionally productive. I am pretty sure I will still do plenty of "chores" and get some worth from that. The dark scary unknown place is the hours/days/weeks when I do not...
The reason I was thinking of a bank, is the concept that one can store supplies, or do chores and then have a lull. I feel like my lull is close. I left work Wednesday to get the pup a booster shot yesterday during my lunch. On the way back, it started to hit me. I feel like I am a little kid who found an unattended cookie jar and I grabbed a couple and now I am sneaking back out to enjoy my bounty in peace and quiet and without anyone to stop me and tell me I can't do it. I think my husband is starting to feel the same way, because he actually talked about his feelings last night and I was floored. He never does that.
We rushed to the dog park before it got too dark to let the pup run loose. It is funny how often I am running somewhere to partake in my recreation/inspiration - that's gotta change! I have been known to pass people on the way to yoga. Seems counter productive.
Now, all these people coming out of the woodwork, wanting to see us, do dinner. It is so fun, but sort of a bit of pressure to "do it all, see everyone". My work sent me flowers this week and my project manager buying my lunch today. I am going to lunch at fufu restaurant with 5 people. Then play with pup. Tomorrow helping Granny with some banking then picking apples out in the country north east of the city. Sunday is football game at friends house. Sunday night is dinner with friends. Monday night, dinner/going away party...Crazy.
I am going to remember to truly be present. Wonder if people will notice a difference? I am glad I do this journaling/blogging because I really want to put all these memories in my "bank".
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Stories from the Vault
I was driving from Huntsville, Alabama to the gulf once upon a time back in the 90's. I lived in Alabama. It was a warm June day, early on a Friday morning. I had taken the day off to have a long weekend. I was meeting a couple other gals for a weekend at the beach. I was a recent widow. I had not taken off my wedding ring yet. I was not ready.
The women I were meeting were also widows, not much older than myself. They both worked for the same company that I did. One woman was about 15 years my senior. Her husband had been a doctor. He performed some procedures that were controversial, still are. He was murdered by a protestor. This was several years prior. The other woman was just a few years older than myself. Her husband had taken his own life, this was a couple years prior. I was 26 years old. They had suggested I come down and go to the beach with them for a long weekend. I suspect now that my boss, BMc, at the time had encouraged this. More about him another time. He was a special guy, a great boss, a mentor I will never forget.
The sun was up in the sky, high enough to start getting warm. I still had my windows and my sunroof open, delaying closing them and turning on the AC until I just could not stand the humidity. I had packed a hat to keep the sun off my face while I was at the beach. I had it on in the car so that my long hair was not blowing so much it would get tangled. I had my favorite pair of Ray Bans on. My late husband, SCG, had introduced me to them. He loved his Wayfarers. I would have never considered spending so much money on a pair of sunglasses, but he wanted to treat me. I loved how sturdy and solid they felt. The polarized lenses brightened up the sky surrounding the sun in a way I have never seen with my cheaper versions.
I shared the road with a large black car, but did not notice much other traffic. I think it was mid morning on a Friday, so few other cars. I first noticed the car come up behind me in my lane, also going south on I-65. I was in the right lane. The car came up behind me and followed me for a while. After a few minutes, the car pulled over into the left lane and slowly made it's way up next to my car. I noticed in my side mirror, the sun reflect off the shiny car. Seeing the luxury model, I glanced over to admire it. I love cars. My eyes met the eyes of the other driver. We looked at each other for a second. I realized it was a fairly handsome man dressed in a suit. We held eye contact for a second. He went on around me and I admired the beautiful black Cadillac. I enjoyed hearing the throaty V8 exhaust sound as it passed. I usually drive about 5 over the speed limit. I used to drive faster. I used to have one, maybe two radar detectors. My radar detectors were silent. I noticed the man in the Cadillac also had a radar detector. Maybe he drove a lot too.
I had gotten one free and bought the other, expensive gadget a couple years earlier. My mother was ill and dying 600+ miles away in another state and I drove home once a month to see her. I did not speed carelessly, but I did push it just a little late on Friday's on the barren wide open interstate when I would leave work early to get back to my hometown by midnight to spend as much time as I could with my mother. So, my late husband and I decided to get the $300 radar detector to save me delay and tickets.
The black Cadillac moved over into the right lane up ahead of me. The car's speed adjusted to just about what my speed was. I stayed behind and followed along, enjoying the sunshine, the wind and my radio. I was looking forward to seeing the ocean. I kept correcting myself with a chuckle - my late husband always corrected me - the Gulf, he would say. To me, it was as breath taking as any ocean view. So I always called it the ocean.
The first time I ever saw a beach. Years earlier, he took me for my first trip to Florida. I was 22. I will never forget the feeling of awe I had toward it. And toward him. I loved the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the sunrise and sunsets, the palm trees, the salt spray, the beautiful white sand beaches of the Gulf coast.
This visit was my first time back to the beach since he had died. I had some mixed feelings, but I was trying to focus on the good feelings. The happy memories. I was trying hard not to think about the shock of his death, or the painful journey we had as he discovered his illness, received his diagnosis, began his treatment. There were many beautiful things for me to consider. How he worried about me while he lay in his hospital bed. How he sent me flowers for Valentines Day while he was still in the hospital. He had arranged it weeks before he went to the hospital and had even furnished a hand written card to the florist shop...all in preparation of him being in the hospital for months for a transplant. How he insisted he come home for my birthday, even though the doctors told him it was too soon. How he fell while he was home during my birthday and had to go back to the hospital. How I was torn between trying to work full time, and drive 90 miles one way twice a week to be with him, all while caring for our Golden Retriever, Sunny. How S had bought Sunny as a puppy for me on the first Mother's Day after my mother had died. This was my reverie now. Maybe I was a little distracted, maybe I was feeling wistful at how happy I still could feel about the beach now. About anything. I still kept my attention on the road and on the car in front of me. I soon realized we were almost to Birmingham.
I was stopping in Birmingham to have my car serviced. I was concerned about one of my gauges. So, I decided when I left Huntsville I better have it checked out before the rest of my drive to Florida. I cannot recall who turned on their blinker first, him or me. But we both exited the first main exit to Birmingham.
I pulled up to the stop sign to turn left, back under the interstate to the Acura dealer I could see from the highway. The man in the Cadillac was in the lane to turn right. He rolled his driver side window down and gestured to me. I rolled my passenger side window down. He smiled, a good looking man. He was older than me. I smiled a small smile back, I did not want to be rude, but I did not want to flirt either. He laughed and said he noticed me a ways back on the highway and knew it was crazy, but would I want to have lunch with him. I laughed back and said as tempting as it was, I could not do that. I held up my hand and showed him my wedding ring and laughed saying "I am married, but thank you". He smiled and waived, pulling out to go West and I pulled out and drove East.
The women I were meeting were also widows, not much older than myself. They both worked for the same company that I did. One woman was about 15 years my senior. Her husband had been a doctor. He performed some procedures that were controversial, still are. He was murdered by a protestor. This was several years prior. The other woman was just a few years older than myself. Her husband had taken his own life, this was a couple years prior. I was 26 years old. They had suggested I come down and go to the beach with them for a long weekend. I suspect now that my boss, BMc, at the time had encouraged this. More about him another time. He was a special guy, a great boss, a mentor I will never forget.
The sun was up in the sky, high enough to start getting warm. I still had my windows and my sunroof open, delaying closing them and turning on the AC until I just could not stand the humidity. I had packed a hat to keep the sun off my face while I was at the beach. I had it on in the car so that my long hair was not blowing so much it would get tangled. I had my favorite pair of Ray Bans on. My late husband, SCG, had introduced me to them. He loved his Wayfarers. I would have never considered spending so much money on a pair of sunglasses, but he wanted to treat me. I loved how sturdy and solid they felt. The polarized lenses brightened up the sky surrounding the sun in a way I have never seen with my cheaper versions.
I shared the road with a large black car, but did not notice much other traffic. I think it was mid morning on a Friday, so few other cars. I first noticed the car come up behind me in my lane, also going south on I-65. I was in the right lane. The car came up behind me and followed me for a while. After a few minutes, the car pulled over into the left lane and slowly made it's way up next to my car. I noticed in my side mirror, the sun reflect off the shiny car. Seeing the luxury model, I glanced over to admire it. I love cars. My eyes met the eyes of the other driver. We looked at each other for a second. I realized it was a fairly handsome man dressed in a suit. We held eye contact for a second. He went on around me and I admired the beautiful black Cadillac. I enjoyed hearing the throaty V8 exhaust sound as it passed. I usually drive about 5 over the speed limit. I used to drive faster. I used to have one, maybe two radar detectors. My radar detectors were silent. I noticed the man in the Cadillac also had a radar detector. Maybe he drove a lot too.
I had gotten one free and bought the other, expensive gadget a couple years earlier. My mother was ill and dying 600+ miles away in another state and I drove home once a month to see her. I did not speed carelessly, but I did push it just a little late on Friday's on the barren wide open interstate when I would leave work early to get back to my hometown by midnight to spend as much time as I could with my mother. So, my late husband and I decided to get the $300 radar detector to save me delay and tickets.
The black Cadillac moved over into the right lane up ahead of me. The car's speed adjusted to just about what my speed was. I stayed behind and followed along, enjoying the sunshine, the wind and my radio. I was looking forward to seeing the ocean. I kept correcting myself with a chuckle - my late husband always corrected me - the Gulf, he would say. To me, it was as breath taking as any ocean view. So I always called it the ocean.
The first time I ever saw a beach. Years earlier, he took me for my first trip to Florida. I was 22. I will never forget the feeling of awe I had toward it. And toward him. I loved the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the sunrise and sunsets, the palm trees, the salt spray, the beautiful white sand beaches of the Gulf coast.
This visit was my first time back to the beach since he had died. I had some mixed feelings, but I was trying to focus on the good feelings. The happy memories. I was trying hard not to think about the shock of his death, or the painful journey we had as he discovered his illness, received his diagnosis, began his treatment. There were many beautiful things for me to consider. How he worried about me while he lay in his hospital bed. How he sent me flowers for Valentines Day while he was still in the hospital. He had arranged it weeks before he went to the hospital and had even furnished a hand written card to the florist shop...all in preparation of him being in the hospital for months for a transplant. How he insisted he come home for my birthday, even though the doctors told him it was too soon. How he fell while he was home during my birthday and had to go back to the hospital. How I was torn between trying to work full time, and drive 90 miles one way twice a week to be with him, all while caring for our Golden Retriever, Sunny. How S had bought Sunny as a puppy for me on the first Mother's Day after my mother had died. This was my reverie now. Maybe I was a little distracted, maybe I was feeling wistful at how happy I still could feel about the beach now. About anything. I still kept my attention on the road and on the car in front of me. I soon realized we were almost to Birmingham.
I was stopping in Birmingham to have my car serviced. I was concerned about one of my gauges. So, I decided when I left Huntsville I better have it checked out before the rest of my drive to Florida. I cannot recall who turned on their blinker first, him or me. But we both exited the first main exit to Birmingham.
I pulled up to the stop sign to turn left, back under the interstate to the Acura dealer I could see from the highway. The man in the Cadillac was in the lane to turn right. He rolled his driver side window down and gestured to me. I rolled my passenger side window down. He smiled, a good looking man. He was older than me. I smiled a small smile back, I did not want to be rude, but I did not want to flirt either. He laughed and said he noticed me a ways back on the highway and knew it was crazy, but would I want to have lunch with him. I laughed back and said as tempting as it was, I could not do that. I held up my hand and showed him my wedding ring and laughed saying "I am married, but thank you". He smiled and waived, pulling out to go West and I pulled out and drove East.
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Bouquet and Mother's Day
As a young person, I have done many nice things. But mostly with fanfare and with expectations. At least loudly. For my nieces wedding, she carried a bouquet of some silk flowers and some handmade paper flowers. I gave her a large bag of flowers and told her to help herself and get rid of whatever she did not use. Included in this bunch were some of the ones that my grandmother, father and I bought for my dear late husband's funeral in 1993. I have held on to them all these years, unable to let go. This past winter I just got rid of his wallet. Anyway, at the wedding Saturday I asked my neice what she had that was old - she said specifically the flowers from DLH funeral. She never got to meet him, she was about 3 months old the first time I held her...at his funeral. My heart is full. Thank you Jesus. What a way to spend Mother's Day and I know my mom was there, I could feel her too
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