HNY!

This is a special year for me.  This year my DGM made it through an illness and hospital stay just after her 98th bday.  I turned 50 this year and my DH is retiring next year, making 2017 our last full year (& last winter) in this city/state.  We celebrated our 10 year amniversary and 10 years in this house.  It has been awesome, we love our house.  However, we are ready to downsize.

In 2018, i am going to try to stop saying downsize and say rightsize.  I am not into making resolutions to feel bad about not keeping, but I am into sharpening and focusing my intentions.  There is a lot of power into writing down our goals. 

My word next year is "abide".  As we move toward a huge life transition, I want to abide in the present.  I also want to abide in whatever I experience, not tune out with distractions.  But most of all, I have been learning in church to "abide" with Christ in my daily life.

I hope you feel joy and hope as you abide in 2018!  Thank you for stopping by.

In and Out of My Comfort Zone

I work 4 ten hour days the week after a Monday holiday off.  Yesterday I worked 10 hours and then went home and changed and went to a new to me yoga class.  Well, that is after DH and I cleaned several areas where our older male dog had had...er, difficulties with his daily routine...I had noticed Sunday he was having issues when I walked him couple of times, but did not notice the last time I walked him.  Poor guy.  Hope he is ok today. 

Well, the yoga instructor must be a doctor or physical therapist.  He was really good at vocalizing ways to focus our poses.  It was a great class!  I am feeling it today, but that is a good sign.  When I walked in and put my matt down and was doing a bit of stretching, he asked me if I had done "ashtanga" before.  I just looked at him for a second and said "I am really not sure, not sure I know what that means".  Haha.  A woman I recognized from another class said, she was sure I had, as she had seen me in other classes with her.  Well, if I had, I had not much.  But I can see where Ashtanga should be a part of my normal practice.  Wiki defines it as:  "Ashtanga means eight limbs or branches, of which asana or physical yoga posture is merely one branch, breath or pranayama is another."  Basically, he had us hold each position for several seconds, to really focus on all the aspects of each joint/muscle being used and direct our energy there.  The breathing was so natural, it just came with the poses.  He made us do some unusual poses, like to ball up or really open up the chest and continue to make tiny adjustments to be able to breathe in a long inhalation and thus a long exhalation.  He said part of yoga is finding the breath, even when it seems you are too constricted (i.e. backbent or constricted in a ball) and focus on moving your belly butten toward the backbone to get used to breathing when it is hard.  He kept us for an hour and a half!  Oh, well, it was good!

I think everyone should try yoga on some level.  I wish I had started when I was a kid.  Have a great hump day, everyone!

Expectations

A blogger whose blog I read wrote last week about putting pressure on herself and then not meeting expectations.  I related a lot to that.  We spend, spend, spend (time, efforts, resources, money) up to the crazy holidays, then I feel guilty and restless when I just sit still and then the day after expect my checkbook, my weight and my gastrointestinal system to be at normal.  Not so fast!  Then, add in some advertisements about sales, some social media posts where people's outsides don't look like my insides...YIKES.  Let me off the treadmill!  At least now that I am in middle age, I am a little more seasoned in my perspective.  But I do really feel for people who are young and naïve going through this time.  I used to absolutely mourn post Christmas.  Now I LOVE it.  I still do sort of expect a little too much from myself, but I just remember that today is just for today.  Yesterday is over and tomorrow is not guaranteed.  Just enjoy...and put one foot in front of the other.

Cold, snowy and gray today.  Back to work.  Back to sitting and having too much time to think and less distractions.  But I am happy, because my perspective is getting much better with age - just like good leather and wood.  I don't say wine, because I do not drink.

Merry Christmas

I am back at city house, after spending weekend at retirement house.  Had great Christmas dinner with in laws at SIL and her husbands beautuful home.  So enjoyed seeing MIL& FIL with their new puppy.  My husband and his siblings think it will literally make their 83 yo father live longer having a new dog.  It snowed about a half inch whike we were there and it melted same day.

We drive home Sunday Christmas eve in time fir church with my maternal aunts and uncles and cousins.  They light candles at the end...it was magical.  My heart swelled up with happiness and love.  There was a time in my life the sadness crowded out the happiness.  That is distant memory.

Today is just DH and I enjoying our last Christmas in CH.  I am roasting a pheasant gifted to us last year and i bought a few other treats for us.  We are going to enjoy a quiet day...then go back to work tomorrow.  As much as i am sad when the holidays are over, I am getting to the point I enjoy getting more balanced diet and scheduke back...and the white, cold, dark quiet of January.  Sort of a clean slate. 
I hope if you read this, you can get a clesn slate feeling for the time after the holidays.  Sort of like when you lay in a fetal position after yoga...to let it sink in.  Namaste 2017.

End of year golas/budget

End of year goals/budget

I am funding my Roth for 2017, so that feels good. I should have saved a lot more...I wish we would have decided to retire in 2018 earlier this year...maybe i would have saved more!  For now, I am working on living in the moment and enjoying all my city and CH has to offer.  This is my last winter this far north (not that I am that far north - just the farthest north I have ever lived).  Tomorrow is the shortest day of the year, winter solstice.  Then the days start to lengthen again.  Hallelujah!

I got on one  yoga class so far and I am doing another tonight.  I will either walk Fri or Sat and then I will have at least moved around 3 times this week!  I just go to work and was thinking of how this time last year I was going through a lot of tests still.  My specialist finally diagnosed me with IBD.  Inflammatory bowel disease.  I am doing ok, but I ate a piece of home made bread late and woke up twice coughing and gagging from acid in my  throat, so I will never do that again.  I had my typical protein smoothie last night around 6:30, but I will still hungry so I ate a piece of bread.  I had to get up and take about 6 tums during the night.  This week I was trying intermittent fasting to give my system a break and to avoid overeating.  Essentially I have been skipping breakfast and then eating a good lunch and maybe another snack in afternoon and then my smoothie evenings.  Well, I think I can do this better if I keep busy.  But my job is so boring and tedious, it is harder than weekends when I am busy.  I just sit here at my desk and think about what I can eat!

Today, my actual employer is coming to town to bring us lunch.  There are a few of us here at this location, we are all temps.  We work AT a big business, but we actually work FOR a firm that places us here.  We are excited to see what they bring.  Last year it was pizza (2 of us cannot have dairy) and year before that it was Italian (I can usu have salad and chicken and make it work) and year before that it was bagels and cream cheese. 

More about year end.  I do not have any paid time off as a temp.  So, a couple years in I started my own vacation fund.  I have been supplementing this fund with proceeds from stuff I sell.  I have made it a point and shown my husband that stuff that had meaning to him that he has sold I have put into this fund and have used it to make improvements/buy appliances for our RH.  This past summer we took out an unvented fireplace and put in a giant picture window looking out over our back patio and back yard.  I did 200 hours of overtime and bought a new range, (will buy) a range hood, and dishwasher.  I also bought my anniversary bands out of this.  I have enough left to fund my Roth and pay for the tile work we will have in our master shower (the contractor says February - my fingers are crossed, I have had the tile sitting in my garage for over 2 years).  I also started a tax fund and I fund it 75-100 every week.  I just paid all our pers prop taxes in RH (we moved couple cars/motorcycles down there 2 years ago - rate is much cheaper than city we work in).  And last week I paid city pers prop on the single car we have registered here in city.  I will keep funding this same fund until March, then I should have enough for pers prop in retirement town for vehicles and for our real estate.  Once we move (I am calling them in January), we will get our $350 homestead tax credit back.  Once DH turns 65, our real estate taxes will be locked in and never increase. 

We will not miss the following about city we work in:  taxes!  They are really high here.  Our family in retirement town figured their taxes were bad until I researched it and learned that our real estate taxes are almost double and our pers prop taxes are 3 times higher in the city than in the retirement town!  So we moved 3 cars (we have 4) and our motorcycles to retirement town and saved approx. $3k.  We will not miss the commute - we live on the other side of the river from this city.  We have to cross the river twice a day.  When there are accidents, it is horrible.  When it snows, it is horrible.  When it rains, it is horrible.  We will not miss living in a patio home where we have $200/month (not quite, but is going up now to $190!) HOA fees.  We will not miss having to bundle up, put our yapping dogs on leashes and walk them outside 3 times a day.  We will not miss the stairs in our house.  We have a basement and we have 3 steps down to the garage - I told my husband the other day, you know you are getting old when 3 stairs down in the morning is considered a hassle.  HAHA.  We will not miss the main living area of our house (living room/master bed room) being on the southwest (hottest) side of the house.  We will not miss our front steps being in the shadows on the north side (when it snows our ices - these steps take forever to thaw, making it treacherous to walk on them).  We will not miss paying $90/month for parking - my husband.  I park 2 blocks away, saving myself the $100/month parking where I work.  In March, I will have been here 10 years.  If I paid 100/month for 10 years, that would equal = $12,000!  I have literally saved $12,000 by walking 2 blocks from free public parking.  But I have fallen down on snowing sidewalks/parking lots, I fell once in the rain this summer and I avoid all morning appointments if possible, because I don't know if I will be able to find parking.  We will also not miss our jobs.  DH has been in his position 20 years, works to help indigents and the disadvantaged.  So, that part is good, but there are really negative/sad aspects to what he has to see and is exposed to and I know he will not miss that.  The entire system is so broken...well, that is a whole other topic.  And, it is not my story to tell.  It is his and his co workers.  People who do what they do, not because they wanted a cushy government job to lounge, but because what they do is critical to our system of justice.  My job, well...I had burnout pretty early in my career...more on that another time.  But my current gig is very boring, the pay is not great, I have no benefits, I have not had a performance review in 10 years and we are either sitting still doing very little bored out of our minds are we are on multiple projects, everything is a crises, we are expected to jump in and "figure it out ourselves" while being yelled at and talked down to like we are 5 years old.  The main guy who has been here at this firm all the years I have been here is good to us, respectful and really does try to take care of us and keep us on projects as people come and go.  Over ten years I have been part of a core group of about 25 who have been here 8 - 12 years.  We have had projects come and seen 50-100 people hired and we have seen most of those people let go.  Summers can get slow, but for sure, in this industry things slow to a crawl at Christmas/year end time.  There were years I was very nervous if I would be let go at this time of year.  Some of my long time co workers have been let go for a couple of days, to a couple of years, only to be brought back as projects dictated.  The partners at this firm are wonderful, nice and gracious, giving us praise and credit for our hard work.  Also, the associates, senior project managers and paralegals are nice.  The people I work with on a day to day basis who have awful are 1)  paralegals, 2)  junior project managers and 3)  staff attorneys.  I don't know if it is just because these newer in their careers people are just so stressed and busy, they are short tempered and under pressure and take it out on us or if they resent us because we are just "temps" and we get paid as much or more than they do and we can leave at 11 on Fridays.  Sometimes we hear this in a "joking" way when we are leaving at 11 and I always reply the same way..."I will trade you my uncertain temporary position with no benefits and Fridays off at 11 for your salaried position with vacation and sick days".  They just smile and waive. 

Today, I try to focus on the things I love about my working city:  There are lots of wonderful people here, Midwest people are very polite and welcoming and love their sports and their food and their guns and their heroes (sports, political, religious and historical).  This city is a city with a rich tradition of history and commerce.  There is a  big sense of "community" here.  I lived for a time out west and the people there were mostly transplants and really lacked this sense of pride and community.  My city has a lot of arts and attractions to see, lots of great shopping and restaurants.  We can go to all the concerts and live music we can find time and money for. 

We have a lot of family here.  DH 2 brothers and my 2 maternal aunts and their families and my paternal aunt and her family.  My dear grandmother (DGM) lives here.  I honestly cannot yet comprehend how we are going to be separated...I just have to avoid thinking of it, really.  Last time I was at her apartment, we were going through and arranging some of her santas.  I asked her where her cute little scarecrow for her door was...she said "I threw it away".  I usu take her seasonal stuff home or store it up high in her closet.  I asked what about next fall?  She said "I will be dead by then..."  Then she laughed and said "I hope".  This is not the first time we have had this type of conversation, we talk about death pretty freely.  I feel like if I make it to 98, I hope I have someone I can talk about death with.  More on that later too. 

Have a great mid week.  We are leading in to the Christmas weekend.  Enjoy your family and friends.  Hug people because they need it, not just you.  Do a random act of kindness.  Budget in a donation to a charity, it will make you feel every bit as good and a useless trinket you buy for yourself or someone else that will just end up in a landfill.  Enjoy the moments...I am working on that too.  Thanks for stopping by!

Midday Monday

I will prob play catch up from being so lazy yesterday, so close to Christmas.  Oh well.  I am still going to try to get in 2, maybe even 3 yoga sessions since I did not walk yesterday.  It was cool and windy/drizzley most of the day but when I walked my dogs at 4:15 I realized it was dry enough I prob could have gotten in a walk - darn!  Oh well, it feels good to ease off just a bit.  Until I can't fit into my carefully cultivated wardrobe!  Ha.

So, today I am ticking off a check list of all the stuff I have to do 1)  before we go to RH/state for Christmas, 2)  what I will accomplish before we come back to the city and 3)  prepare for Christmas Eve and Day in the city.  That means, I will have to buy couple more grocery items before we leave so that I will have plenty of time to unload the car, take a walk and get ready for 5pm chuch when we get home (after 4 hour drive) Sunday!  Oh well, life is good - too much family/friends/activities and food...will be like a blur when we look back in cold/quiet January.  I always have liked that part of the year as I have gotten older - quiet January.  I time of really backing off and being quiet and intentional.  I wonder if this transition feeling will change next year when we are retired/semi retired?

So today I mailed off a large poncho I got a few years ago at a festival.  My friend remarked about the sizeable box I carried (we park and walk in together most mornings - 2 blocks in the cold/dark morning).  I explained that I no longer give in to the thought of buying an object that basically serves one purpose.  A poncho.  A blanket is a blanket and can be a poncho too.  But a poncho is just a poncho.  So, gone!  Out the door.  I did not sell anything else, but I am not surprised - only a week out from Christmas.  At this point, I have been selling on PM for exactly one year.  I remember last year it was quiet right before Christmas but surprisingly busy very soon after - all seemed like it was all through January.  People are spending Christmas cash I guess.  So, I have pretty much decided that I am going to continue through Jan and then wind down.  It takes a lot of activity to get stuff seen/sold/packaged/mailed on any forum - but especially lately.  Last year it seemed to happen much more easily, now I have to share/share/share and list/list/list...just getting tired of it.  I have decided that good quality clothes that are useful...I will store in plastic totes under guest room bed - that is ALL I will store!  The rest will fit in master closet/dressers and overflow/dressy/seasonal in larger guest room.  Anything more than that - we DO NOT NEED!  The smaller guest room will be used for craft/office closet.  It is a tiny walk-in that has shelves that cover 2 walls (and 3rd wall up high - that I put in).  I will store little used fabric up high and down low I will literally make an office "desk" and I am going to take the doors off and store them in the attic.  The room also has built in drawers that hold craft stuff and I put in a sleeper sofa and a chair.  I plan to use that room for company overflow and for a sitting room if one of us wants to sit and watch a different TV show, or read and just have a bit of privacy.  It is small!  But cozy.

Other than that - not much frugal/projects/clearing out got done this past weekend, but it felt great to sit and relax all afternoon.  Have a great Monday!

Sunday Surplus

Relaxing at home after having early coffee and buying couple gift cards/delivering couple gifts/church.

Then came home and finished up some leftovers for lunch.  Sure was glad I braved WM after the museum Saturday, even though it was crazy busy yesterday.  I will avoid WM and Target until well after the holidays now.  I will go to Aldis or reg grocery now...maybe Sams, but I try to avoid WM and Target right before/after Christmas/New Years.  I just stress over crowds and rude people, but add in the crazed commercialism and my anxiety just increases!

After the museum, and after WM shopping last night we had soup I had in crock pot and bread I made in our bread machine.  It was good!  I used some frozen gr beef and half the frozen turkey stock from TG and added taco seasoning, ranch seasoning, can tomatoes, can kidney beans, frozen corn, can rotel.  The bread made the house smell great!  I bought my bread machine in 1990 and used it regularly since!  Mostly limited to winter only.  I cant believe it has lasted so long. 

So our neighbors let us know, their daughter passed 2am sat morning.  She was only 49.  A year younger than me.  A year older than my mom was when she passed away.  My DH went over and started their truck and let it run for about 15 min.  He said it was reluctant to start.  Before we went to museum we bought a trickle charger to keep it on and keep battery charged.  They are good people, we wish we could do more, but obviously we cannot.  They are going to have their daughter's services in her state she died in, where her daughter still lives.  My neighbor texted to say they will stay for a while longer.  The past year and 4 months, they have driven 8 hours one way about once a month, sometimes a couple times.  This last trip they have been there since well before TG.  they are in early 70's.  I cannot imagine how exhausted they must be.  I have been through the process too...more than once...the vigil to see a lived one's life ebb and flow...more on that someday.

Never again will I complain about the holidays...God please confort T and R and J's children as only you can...Amen.

Thursday, Can we Talk?

My husband and I talked last night about Net Neutrality.  In February when my 2 years is up, I am going to WM mobile phone plan.  My friend at work has it and pays $40/month unlimited 3G.  We pay $100 a phone now!  We also pay $50 for internet and $100 for cable.  If net neutrality is overturned and internet goes way up, like $100 - we will chose between internet and cable.  My husband has not been able to cut the cord yet, but if internet goes up to what cable costs (and cable has been increasing too), we will choose.  I could tell he is leaning toward cutting cable.  He does not think how we could do without internet.  I think (other than reading and writing blogs) I could wean myself off.  Pay bills through the mail with checks and get off social media.  We could go to the library.  I could use 3G on my phone and spend some time that way, but I think I am also leaning toward cutting cable.  Reading, Amazon Prime, gardening, walking, sitting outside...I think we can manage. 
Well, it is still fairly mild weather for Dec, it was really windy yesterday, but temps in the mid 40's.  I had really quiet Tues and Wed this week, went home early and hung out with DH.  Started watching a new show on TV, Knightfall on History channel.  So far it is pretty good.  Going to meet a friend after work tonight for coffee.  Then tomorrow after my half day, I got to help Granny with her books.  I am going to try and remember to take her some of the cookies I made last Sat morning.  if I don't make efforts to segregate and wrap a bunch of them, DH will eat the majority of them and that is not good for him.  I guess it is a good thing we are not going to RH this weekend, so I can work on distributing some of these!  I told him Sat that I want to go to one of our city's museums Sat and maybe eat at our favorite Thai place, which is about 50 miles on other side of the city.  I don't have much Christmas stuff to do at all.  We don't have children and we already gave his parents their gift (a puppy!).  I usu buy my Granny something to eat, because she is frail and needs nourishment and encouragement eating.  Otherwise, I have toned down my Christmas spending every year and when DH retires next year, we will really cut down.  Have a great
Thursday.  Thanks for reading!
P.S.  I have given 4 more things away (plastic cups to my MA1) and sold 3 more things out of my closet!  Woooo hooooo.  Not big things, not expensive things, but things out!

Tough Tuesday

Well, last night was my last hot yoga with my yoga instructor that I like so much.  She is moving to another location where she will have mostly day classes and possibly be able to work into something  where she can use her nutrition training.  Today I am really sore.  It was such a good class.  I am really going to miss it and miss her.  She is really sweet.  I know my GF (T) who recently had neck sx is sad she was not there to take one last class. 

So, I returned a classic white dress shirt I ordered online today.  I decided that if I ever do need a classic white button down shirt, I will find one but I don't need it now.  DH and I were talking to his brother and my SIL Friday when we met the new puppy and we were all talking about getting to be in our 50's and making career changes.  BIL is selling his beautiful new truck that he loves because he is making a career change and they are even considering downsizing their house.  DH is 63 and he thinks even finding a PT gig when we retire will be challenging.  I thought about it more and decided that I did not want to work 50-60 hours a week PLUS commute 45 min each way while DH sits at home.  He is 13 years older than I am and I don't ever want to look back and have regrets.  Our budget might be slim, but we think we can manage.  So, I feel comfortable and excited to sell me car in the spring.  I do not want to work to pay for a car.  It is crazy the switch DH and I are having as we think about this new possibility.  I am kicking my downsizing wardrobe into high gear now and even more so when winter is over.  So, about March we will be entering super-purge phase, prep'g house for sale and we will list my car.  WOW.

This past week I did some more spot deep cleaning, packed up another load to take to RH 12/22.  Listed 7 suits and a tuxedo DH owns, gave SIL a raised/covered cake plate, may have found a home for my cat (2 people who really want a cat are considering) and donated 2 large boxes of Christmas decorations/ornaments/gift bags/bows.  I also threw away a bunch of used bows and gift bags/confetti stuffing for gift bags that I have collected since late 80's.  I felt ashamed that i have wasted time/space/energy with such useless and stupid stuff.

Feel great.  I have not had dairy (again) for over a week and I think that was what was making me sick again.  Before an "experiment" trying it a little bit, i had not had it for over 2 years.  At least I am more convinced that it really is a problem for me.  Oh, well. I will deal with avoiding it.  I hope you have a great rest of your Tuesday!  It is getting really cold here, but DH took a brisk 4 mile walk with me Sunday and i loved the Vitamin D!

RIP Rusty

My DIL (dear in laws) dachshund, Rusty, has been sick all summer with allergy type symptoms.  He has deteriorated this fall, having anemia and pain/lethargy.  He even had a transfusion.  He died Sat morning.  He was only like 7.  I know how attached to him my FIL in particular was to Rusty.  Sweet dear Rusty, cross the rainbow bridge and be free of pain and run again in the field with Barney and all the other dogs.  You did your job well here on earth.  We love you and we will miss you.

It has been so sweet to see how much my DH and his brothers and sister love and worry for the pain they know this has caused their parents.  So, right away the 3 brothers began telling their father he should get another dog, if not puppy.  FIL did not say no and did not really say yes.  This was while Rusty was still sick and deteriorating.  The kids did not want to be too pushy or rush things, but they were very concerned because of how close FIL was with Rusty.  So, the search began and a pup was found a couple weeks ago.  A picture was texted to SIL and she showed her phone to her parents.  They agreed the pup was cute.  The pup was obtained by DH brother and his wife.  They were not supposed to get him for another week, but once Rusty passed they agreed to let him go a week early.  We went over to meet "Buddy" Friday after work, before they took him to DIL home in nearby state (in same town as our RH).  The report was that Buddy was very much loved and readily accepted and was the perfect antidote for idle hands and idle heart.  He even woke them up the next morning 5am sharp needing outside to potty.  DH can tell by his parents' voices they are pleased with Buddy.  So sweet. 

DH and I have 2 dogs and a cat.  We are trying to find a home for the 11 y/o cat.  Our other cat was elderly and passed this summer and the kitty is lonely.  My female Chihuahua does not like the kitty and barks at her.  The kitty instigates it because she is needy.  it is not an ideal situation.  My male Chihuahua is about 11 years old and has a hear murmur, so we worry about him.  As he was beginning to slow down about 3 years ago, my DH told me we should get another and he was instrumental in making us go look. 

When I walked in, DH really was drawn to the big dogs, be we know that our small male is not crazy about bigger dogs.  He went and looked at each big dog and I really struggled.  I encouraged him to go and look in the small dog room.  We walked in and the door opened right to left.  I was on left side, DH was on my right.  When the door opened up, it partially blocked the pens to our left.  I looked left and DH looked right.  When I saw little C, she nervously approached the cage and quickly licked my hand and then ran back to the back of the pen and was withdrawn and cringing, she was so nervous.  By the time I got DH attention, she was in the corner, refusing to look at us or come over to us.  I told him what she had done and told him I had a feeling about her.  DH was not too impressed.  The staff had us take her outside and we sat around (we brought our boy CO to meet her to be sure they would be compatible).  CI was so nervous, that she just stuck to the staff and would not come to us, even for hot dog bite.  Then I showed her a toy and she was interested, but still would not come to me.  Then I sat down and she crawled into my lap.  That is all it took!  We brought her home and we have had her now for 2.5 years.  She is my delight and so runs our entire household. 

Animals bring so much joy into our life.  I feel they are a gift from God for sure!

2017 Coming to an End Soon

I like the end of the year where we reflect and recall what happen during the year.  I am either trying to avoid getting sick or trying to get sick, I havent decided yet.  So I have tried to slow down a little bit and have had some moments to think. 

The beginning of 2017 had me worrying about one of my long time friends. She had gotten in a heated argument with her male friend and found herself in some trouble.  I helped her through that.  Then my DGM got sick and went into hospital and spent her 98th and my 50th birthday there.  She went to rehab mid March and finally home late April.  Late June I did overtime until October.  July I learned another childhood friend was having some mental instability and has been in the psychiatric hospital twice.  All my classmates turned 50 this year with me, we had a lunch at my house in Aug.  I went to the lake to celebrate my cousins 50th birthday.  I have watched a relative (PA) move and two others have cancer tx (MA2 and cousin S).  Another (BIL) learn he has slow cancer that does not require tx and have seen my SIL and her husband deal with his moms death and hourding for nearly a year.  I have seen a relative have substance abuse issues, another 2 have financial problems, I have seen cousins struggle to care for elderly parents, deal with abuse issues (a revelation revealed to me at a wedding) and I have received 2 baby shower invites (bought for 1 so far).  I have bought about 6 graduation gifts this year, given several monetary donations for animals and natural disaster victims and felt sad with the rest of the country as the hurricaines and wildfires raged this year.  While I happily received 2 wedding invites for next spring, i was sad to learn a relative is divorcing after one year and another relative is struggling with their marriage.  Finally, i have stood by helplessly and watched my dear neighbors while they watch their 49 yo daughter slip away from colon cancer.  At this point, her pain is so bad, I dont know what to pray for, except for God to comfort her and her family.

Current events are crazy, the entire world seems full of anger and hate.  But I have about as good a life now as I have ever had.  I have a wonderful husband, I have a great yoga class I love, a great group of friends and I have a job  and a roof over my head.  I do feel really overwhelmed at times with so much going on around me.  Now more than ever, I am making a daily effort to have daily contact with God.  I have been going back to church regularly and I know I have a God that looks over me.

Monday Start Over

I worked 60 hours last weekend.  I did not get enough of a break this weekend, skipped church to rest and get stuff done at home.  I did feel OK later Sat (just skipped lunch).  Went to dinner and a program with a couple of good girl friends.  DH stayed home.  I could tell he was missing me, texted me sev times when he was off and playing golf with his brother Friday and then I worked all day and did not get home till 9 Sat.  We spent Sun together.  I cooked and cleaned, the house was neglected after Thanksgiving being gone and then working so much last week.  Laundry.

We did get our bikes winterized.  I filled mine with gas and left it in driveway while he cleaned out corner of garage to fit them in enough to be able to bring his car in for winter, so its not iced in the mornings when he goes to work.  I always have mine fit in, on left side.  Plus, my car is an expensive new car, so we try to take really good care of it.  I had planned to sell mine next year if I can't find work in my new state.  The more I think about it, the more I think I will just plan to sell it regardless.  We could use the extra savings.  It is sort of stressful having a nice car, lots of hazards and people seem to just slam their doors into it and it just kills me.  It is starting to own me.

When we rode to get gas, just a couple of miles we saw about 10 bikes.  Everyone enjoying the mild weather before it drops to 20's tonight!  I hurried and did a nice walk yesterday while hubby put the bikes in garage, put gas additive in the tank and put them on trickle chargers.  Today I am SORE and have a head ache!  Stomach is better, but not great. 

I am not optimal for a Monday, but I have decided I am going to hit "restart".  I will decide how this week goes!  And it is going to be great, even if I am a little tired!  I heard a saying this morning that inspired me.  "Life is short, but it's also wide".  After all, I have a great DH, food cooked in the kitchen, toys winterized, hot yoga and super moon tonight (I thought it was yesterday), an overtime paycheck coming, great friends, dogs I love...life is good!  Have a great Monday!

What I did to simpliy this past weekend:  cleaned lower cabinets and cleared out corner of garage (DH did), we got rid of a huge Rubbermaid storage thing w/no lid, I sold a pair of shoes and a purse and I am giving away a vest (maybe).  I also cleaned out a bunch of pottery off the tops of my cabinets and cleaned out basement linen closet and stuff stored in the basement bathroom vanity.  It's not much, but it is something.  I have pretty much gathered the next load to take to RH in 2 weeks. 

Super Moon

Dear TV people of hollywood, please give us more shows as funny as the Carol Burnet show.  Amen.

Planning in seeing the super moon when we walk the dogs at 9.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Thirsty Thursday

This is from yesterday ..I feel restless today.  Not sure why.  Maybe because I am in limbo on a few things and my ability to control stuff is compromised.  I am still making progress toward the goal post, but I need to be grateful in the moment.  Not just put it out there for a few days around Thanksgiving and then move on full speed to unbridled Christmas.  Although, now that I am really not into Christmas, so that might give reason for my malaise. 

I am back on overtime, but just for a couple of weeks.  Yet, it intrudes into my housekeeping and workout and that affects my anxiety a little.  I have a couple of other projects I have to abandon too, so there is the shuffling and my DG does not get the attention she deserves.  I will just try to focus on the positives, remember it is temporary and think of the extra cash!  I will just have to do a little more after work in the evenings and try to focus my workouts on Sun/Mon night yoga.  When I was working OT this summer, it wasn't so bad because it does not get dark until 9-9:30.  Now that it gets dark at 5:30, I am ready to go home and crawl into bed. 

I haven't sold anything despite listing a lot more since Sunday.  But the real progress is that I have found several more things to list.  It really is like a floodgate, once you tap into that feeling, stuff just becomes so easy to let go of.  Crazy!

Wardrobe Capsule (not quite) Goals

I have not slept well since last Wed.  What is up with that?

This year I have redone my wardrobe.  I have been doing this a little for the past 10 years as my job has become more casual and since I let my hair go gray.  2017 is the most money that I will ever spend on clothes/shoes/accessories in a single year again.  For sure shoes/accessories.  My clothes purchases were not too bad.  I am sure I have spent more when I was just shopping for fun and with no plan.  I had so much chaos.  I have always been a shopper and just bough stuff on a whim or because it was on sale.  But now I am downsizing fairly effectively.  Other than couple strategic purpose (coat/workout/golf) I don't plan to buy much for a long time.  I won't ever shop like I used to.  I now focus on classic pieces and not trends.  My accessories and shoes purchases this year were high, because I totally revamped both my purse/wallets and shoe wardrobe.  I also bought a pair of diamond anniversary bands that I have wanted for several years.  I do a lot of painting/yard/gardinging at RH, that I don't want to wear my diamond ring when i am wearing gardening or motorcycle gloves.  I sold off a bunch of my shoes (boots, really) and bought 2 more very nice pair that should just about last the rest of my life.  One last year and one this year.  The savings in space is huge!  I also got rid of about 8 various tote bags, all cheap and some falling apart for one really nice vintage leather overnight bag, 1 vintage work tote, 1 vintage leather tote for workout clothes for my trunk and 1 no name leather all purpose tote.  I realize this past year I have spent a lot of time and energy and focus on doing this wardrobe overhall, but I have been strategic and planned, bought smart and second-hand when I could and feel that now I can pretty much just maintain my wardrobe going forward.  No more time/money/desire to shop aimlessly.  I want to focus on more important things - like helping my husband pare down his closet and getting all our stuff moved and organized in our new, smaller RH.  P.S.  I have sold about $10k of stuff in the past 2 years paring down furniture, hunting accessories, boots, purses, jewelry, motorcycle gear, sporting goods, coats, kitchenware, seasonal decorations, misc furnishings/antiques and 2 sets of dishes.  Overall, I feel like this is a huge win and an absolute necessity for us to be able to fit comfortably and without a bunch of clutter in our new place.  Since I have had 2 years to do it, it was easier.  I would do it all over again.  Even though it was a lot of work, it felt good purging.  My DH thinks selling stuff is my new hobby, but I would much rather have a less cluttered space that is easier to clean and maintain and find time to get back to reading!  My sales proceeds have gone into replacement pieces, doing remodeling at RH and savings.  I have funded most of my wardrobe overhaul in cash/some sales proceeds.  I will likely not make the same income again for a couple years, so this has worked out well.

Here are my breakdowns of what I bought in 2017, so far.  I still have about $500 I expect in clothes sales and I am also trying to sell a custom piece of jewelry I have listed for $1100.  So we shall see how that shakes down.  I certainly do not think I will have to do such a pare down ever again.  (Sure does give me incentive to stay same size!).  The next time I pare down, it will be pretty much to get rid of the last of my professional work clothes/shoes/bags.  I have about 6 pair of shoes left that are for work and I can prob get rid of about half of those.  I will keep one pair of black pumps and one nude.  I will get ride of 2 more purses and 1 tote bag.  It will be exciting to purge last of my suits/slacks/dresses and just keep the fun stuff.  I am really into stuff that can double duty casual or be paired with jackets/shoes/accessories and dressed up if i need.  I have bought 4 dresses in the past 2 years, but i like to have them for church/weddings/graduations.  Over the last 10 years as I have been strictly a temp, I have probably gotten rid of 15 pair of heels, about 10 suits, 4 dressy coats and 3 briefcases.  I also got rid of about 20 pair of boots and numerous business separates and several dresses that were too young/specific.  One thing i have done to try to help myself pare down, now that i have gray hair, i don't wear brown anymore, so that was about 1/3 of my wardrobe.  I also find that as much as i love navy, it is dressier than i want to be now, so i got rid of a bunch of navy stuff.  Now I am way more focused when I do shop and don't buy anything but black, gray or denim.  I buy a few colorful accessories (scarves and costume jewelry that are easy to change out).  I figure i won't keep much costume jewelry at all either, once i am not working.  Jewelry and accessories do not take up nearly as much space, but they are still clutter if they start to take over.  Looking back I am sad that I was such a hoarder, but glad I have felt this shift.
total $2159 (less 1000 rings = $1159)
   clothes:  409
   shoes:  467
   accessories:  1283
PM & Thred up
   clothes:  59 (misc, incl 2 pair white jeans - this is a tricky category for me, hard to fit and white is unforgiving)
   shoes:   124 (2 ankle boots (warm for work - I freeze there and I walk 2 blocks, 1 motorcycle boot (a need - I got rid of 3 others that were not working for me), 1 sneaker, 1 basic pump - I got rid of several cheap sneakers and pumps and got good leather ones)
   accessories:  48 (mostly scarves, 1 tote bag and 1 clutch - I never owned a clutch!  I bought it for a formal wedding, but picked a basic enough piece, I can use it forever)
ebay
   clothes:  45 (2 golf shirts, 2 golf shorts & winter coat - I got rid of 6 other coats)
   shoes:  35 (nude pump, black med sandal, 1 med wedge sandal I got rid of 3 pair brown sandals)
   accessories:  150 (leather duffle bag and pair of aquamarine stud earrings)
amazon
   clothes:  10 (tee)
   shoes:  175 (Frye boots and flat sandal - my black pair broke)
other internet purchases:
   clothes:  (super warm sweater) $60
   shoes:  (snow boots, 2 sneaker that did not work out) $87
   accessories:  underwear and bras $25
brick and mortar
   accessories:  1060(jewelry, scarves and a golf hat)
   clothes (pj's and workout stuff, golf pants, another pair white jeans, 3 dresses):  235
   shoes:  50 (2 pair sneakers - I walk a LOT, I buy about every 3 - 6 months)
future wish list for 2018
   warm winter boots/house shoes
   black pashmina/cashmere type wrap
   warm winter hat
   hiking boots & day backpack (maybe 2019)
   rain parka (may not need - I have a golf rain jacket and I can just use over layers when I walk/hike in the weather)

Post Thanksgiving

I just love Thanksgiving, because it is all about getting with family and thinking of our blessings.  It is not as stressful and the expectations as high as Christmas.  I seem to have more conflicted memories and sadness associated with Christmas, mostly because of the people who I miss who have passed before me and because I am sad that I don't have children.  I would have made an awesome grandma.

We had a great Thanksgiving.  We went to the facility where my grandmother (DG) lives and had a lovely lunch with her and my aunt (PA).  Then we drove to our retirement house (RH) and got there about 6:30 and unloaded the car and went and said hello to DH parents.  We went to football game the next day with my sister, it was so much fun!  Then Sat we hung out with DH family.  There are not a lot of children in DH family, just 2 nieces and 2 nephews.  The 2 nieces were there, so that was fun spending time with some young people. 

We had too much food and so many laughs.  We took some photos.  We had a great time.  I am so lucky to have married into such a wonderful family.  I hope you are having a wonderful Cyber Monday.  The only things I bought for black Friday and Cyber Monday were things I needed for the house (a Pampered Chef order and literally a Walmart supplies order).  I have mostly finished what limited shopping I do for the holidays.  My DH retirement gift I bought him we agreed no more Christmas gifts for a few years! 

I did pick out pieces of estate jewelry (more on that later).  I brought home a few leather pieces from my Sister In Law's MIL estate to help sell on line.  I sold a couple more things and so that is good to get anything moved out.  That's about all for today!

Full House

Today, life has given me a full house.  Or, maybe a full heart and a Royal Flush.  Beats a full boat.  It is just me and DH.  More on that story later.

I Thessalonians 5:18 
In everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 

Today I accept that God gives me what I need instead of what I deserve

Looking for Love is Like Gambling

16 years ago I moved home to the Midwestern city I was born in, from the Southwest.  I had lived in a large Southwestern city for 3 years with my job.  I liked it there quite a bit, but I was struggling in a few areas of my personal life and so I needed a change.  Part of my motivation was to take the focus off my career and meet someone, get married and have kids.  I did not want to meet a person from the another state out West and then never have a chance to make the move back to the Midwest.  So, I was essentially on a quest to meet a husband and have a baby. 

I moved back and stayed focused on my career long enough to get established and buy a house.  My job was going well and I got a promotion.  Then I started looking to meet someone about 9 months later.  I had a lot of family back here, so I met people through them.  That was really different from the other 3 cities I had lived in where I had no family.  I really liked the feeling that my family was there and loved get togethers and holidays.  I had a lot of fun with my cousins and my aunts.  I met people everyewhere I went, I was so excited to be home where I had roots as a child and my parents had roots and their parents.  Even though my mom was gone and my dad lived 3 hours south, I felt like I was home. 

This was still sort of early internet, pre Myspace and pre Facebook, at least.  The online thing felt weird.  Like people put their best foot forward and kept other parts of themselves hidden.  It felt like it was not authentic.  So, I decided I would have to meet someone the old fashioned way.  One night while I was studying for a huge test, I took a break and went to a concert with my cousins.  This was late July.  I met a man who was my cousins' friend.  He was very nice and funny.  He sort of followed me around that night and I did not mind.  He was very sweet to me and he was funny.  I could tell my cousins and their friends liked him a lot.  I ended up being the designated driver and drove my cousins, their friends and this guy home, in his large Lincoln sedan.  I had never driven a car that big.  It was fun.  We had all the windows rolled down and we sang songs at the top of our lungs.  Eventually I agreed to go out with this guy and he took me to an amusement park.  This would have been early August.  We had a great time and I enjoyed his attention.  We dated the rest of the summer and I met his kids in late September or early August.  His kids were adorable.  I loved the way he was with his kids.  He loved them so much, it was so sweet.  He was a really great dad.  His kids were really sweet and polite and were very sweet to me too. 

We got serious, mostly, things were fun.  There were warning signs, but I ignored them.  Part of me felt like this was my last chance to have a family of my own.  Part of me felt that I had given up too easily in past relationships and become a "runner".  I really wanted to try to make a relationship work.  I should have listened to my conscience and bailed.  Things went very, very wrong and took me down a really dark and horrible path.  I should have folded.  I tried to fold many times, knowing that I did not have a good hand.  But he convinced me to stay or my own conflicted feelings prevented me from getting out of the situation that I knew was not good for me.  I loved his kids and I loved his parents.  He had a business.  He was stable financially.  What I did not know was that there were a lot of secrets kept from me. 

Some of meeting a person and building a life are timing and luck, sort of like playing poker.  But there are also ways we can increase our odds and part of increasing our odds are knowing when we should fold.  I should have folded, put my cards down and ran.  But I just continued to ante up.  How could I have known he was keeping so much from me.  Did I know deep down.  The signs were there.  Why did I stay?

Overwhelmed?

Today I read an anonymous prayer "I pray that I may not be overwhelmed by material things.  I pray that I may realize the higher value of spiritual things..."  I have failed to mention lately that I am bringing that last of 2 boxes of old records to shred at work this week.  I had a single last paper box full.  I divided it by 3 because I only work 3 days this week and I bring an armful in a day and they get shredded.  I can't carry the entire box at a time, because I walk 2 blocks to work!  I also brought 2 envelops to mail a vest and a purse.  I also was inspired last night to get up during a commercial while watching my favorite show and grab about 8 items that I was on the fence about out of my closet and put them in the pile. Funny this is the prayer this morning.

The weekend was pretty busy...I need a weekend of nothing but rest.  So maybe the 1st weekend of Dec I will do that.  Have a total pajama day Sat!  Part of the problems i have are cyclical...i start feeling really good, I eat too much or not enough good "whole" foods, i.e. too much processed junk/sugar and then I crash and burn.  I went to bed feeling pretty bad last night.  My tummy was really upset, some abdominal and upper acid reflux and my joints were sore, right knee was throbbing.  Also some things I don't mention in a blog telling me my Candida might be back.  I know I need to do elimination diet...but it is the week of Thanksgiving...really?!  Oh well, I will just focus on lean meat and veggies this week...try to give up sugar.  It is hard, but feeling like this is harder. 

I did a 2 hour yoga class yesterday.  it was not solid 2 hours of flow, it was focused on using props (blocks and straps...and even the wall) to reshift your practice to sharpen up your poses.  Not just push for the ultimate twist so you can say "I did it", but really think about aligning the spine and opening the shoulders and gain from the stretch.  I liked it.  I would have never followed through with it, but I signed up and paid for it last week!  I ran home from church, put 2 home made pizzas (dairy free) in the oven and told my husband to take them out...then ran to the yoga class.  I was too tired to walk.  I really prefer to walk if I can, esp in the winter on weekends, because I like the sunshine.  I can't get home early enough during the week to walk in the daylight. 

so far rest last evening helped my knee, so i am planning on hot yoga after work.  We shall see.  Hope you get some sun on your face today and don't get overwhelmed by stuff!

Health Schmealth

DH went to a health fair at work this week.  He got a free pill compartment thing-a-ma-bob. He showed it to me.  We looked at each and laughed.  We might get one day worth of pills and supplements in that thing!

I was doing real well last week tummy-wise.  Did some lazy/sloppy food choices starting thurs night and now I am paying for.  I will benefit from structure of the work week. Either I need to do full elim diet again, or the Budwig protocol wont work for me unless i can find suitable dairy free sub.

Celebrated a full life this weekend.  Went to see BIL3 band fri night, great time shopping/lunch with (maternal) aunts sat then quick walk in the cool but sunny afternoon.  Awesome anniv party sat evening. Helping a new friend.  Church and yoga sunday.  No new purchases, few more clothes items sold.  I am eyeing a pair of Uggs, my first.  But 2-3 pair of shoes will go a d i wont get them till i can pay for them with PM credit.

Short week next week.  Love this time of the year!

Rate of Reduction Slow But Steady

Rate of Reduction Slow but Steady
I have slowed somewhat the rate of selling shoes/hats/clothes on PM.  But, not the rate that DH is clearing out his stuff.  Due the level of my down/slash right-sizing, I was able on couple hours notice to clear out 1/2 the upstairs closet.  This works perfectly, because now my husband can put his daily essentials in the upstairs closet and more easily see what he does not need/use downstairs.  Things happen in their own sweet time, not nec when I am ready!

I have rid my home of a barely used exercise mat (I still have 2 more!), 2 large display jars to my friend at work, a camel hair coat of my husbands and a couple other bags to my aunt.  I also got rid of a large amount of homecooked food to my good girlfriend who just had neck laminectomy surgery.  So, that was nice.  I just cooked my usu sunday thing for my husband and doubled everything so I could take her a few meals ready to heat up.  I finished the apples - thank good ness.  I made 2 crockpots of applesauce but I added too much cloves to the 2nd batch - just a  will do when it comes to cloves.

The sun has been out for last 2 days.  So nice, even if I am stuck inside working.  My DH played golf again yesterday with BIL3.  They had a much better outing that our cold drizzle of Sunday.  I considered it, but I need the income right now to pay off stuff (have a bit charged for my winter yoga increase) and stash a little for next year.

Tonight will be quiet.  I have a credit at a nearby home store when I am thinking of buying a couple of those versatile poofs or bean bags for impromptu seating.  Hope you are having a great Thursday!  I applied for a couple of positions at my RH location - keep your fingers crossed!

Whirlwind Weekend

So tired when I got home Fri, DH decided we would order delivery Chinese.  Works for me!  The place we like delivers really good food and a lot of it!  So for about $25 we get 2 meals each and I have my lunch today.  So, that is 5 meals out of it!  Thurs night and Sat night I did 2 more crockpots full of chunky cinnamon applesauce.  I shared with family and friends and froze 5 quarts in bags laid flat.  Sat/Sun I finished backing up my entire computer (music, documents, pictures) and erased one of the accounts that was acting up.  The computer repair people I talked to about my computer issues said 2 accounts on one computer won't affect speed or updates, but I think it did.  My original account when I bought the laptop  4 years ago evidently had something wrong, because a year later when I was trying to be able to watch Amazon Prime videos on it, I called Microsoft for help and they set up a whole different account.  Well, sometimes I would get error messages or the updates would not download for one or the other.  I never moved all the music, docs and photos over to the new account, so I still went back and forth.  Well, NOT ANYMORE!  WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO.  It took me a couple of weeks (off and on) to get all the stuff off the old account and on to the new account (plus backed up to thumb drives!.  I got that finished yesterday and loaded the new giant storage thumb drive for music for my car.  Then I deleted the old account.  So fingers crossed, we shall see.

Sat late morning while DH was still hunting (he got up at 4:30am), I cleaned house, did sheets and towels.  Went to grocery store.  Then when he got home (sans deer).  He wanted to play golf, because he and his normal golf partner (his brother - BIL 3) could not play earlier in the week, like they normally do on Wed.  So, since they played Sat, I was off work and I got to play too!  It was cold, but not too windy, about mid 40's.  We have played in the 30's, so we don't mind.  But on about hole 3 it started a steady drizzle.  On hole 5 I still had feeling in my fingers and par'd the 4 par.  Not only that, I chipped a 50 foot chip shot right off the green and it went right in!  Plop!  Nothing but net!  Didn't even bounce!  Right in!  It was thrilling.  I got on the green sev more times to put for par, even one birdie...but I really need to work on my putting game.  My BIL3 says I will shave many points off once I lock down my putting.  Boy were we freezing!  It just drizzled on all afternoon, nothing showing up on radar, but we continued on.  Downed a cup of coffee for the back 9.  It just got too dark and by hole 17 I was done.  I drove, it was nice and right down the middle but too hard to see, esp if we went in the rough!  So we called it.  Sat night I did the applesauce.  I processed 3 bushels of apples this fall and didn't waste any!  I hate waste.  I wanted to take a bit over to my friend, but she was being released from hospital and preferred for me to come by Sun.

Sunday I got up and started cooking at 8 after I walked the dogs and had a cup of coffee.  Got the broccoli casserole assembled, apples ready and pork roast/veggies in the oven while I went to church.  Got home, baked corn bread and DH and I ate while apple brown betty baked.  Then, DH went to hunt more and I took my girlfriend soup, cornbread, roast pork and veggies, broccoli casserole and apple brown betty.  She is doing well after neck surgery, except for nausea.  She is going to check in with the doctor today.  She has a friend of her husband's staying with her, we will call her Gemma.  My friend is a dear person.  It is hard to see her feeling bad, I wish I could help.  I told Gemma even if T can't eat then the food can help all her family and friends helping check on T.

Sitting at work today.  Waiting for my assignment.  Will prob get more relaxation here at work.  Is still dark and drizzly but church inspired me yesterday (Peter 4:10-14), it was about being of service to glorify God.  I enjoyed the sermon with my friend C and church regular P.  I am looking forward to hot yoga tonight.  Hope you all have a great week!

A Photo I will Describe

Tonight I posted a cool photo.  My commute took an hour and a half (its usu 25-35 min).  Oh well.  I am going over a bridge with ornate railing, looking west at geese flying in sunset and lights of city beyond.  What a gorgeous sky to remember our veterans, past and present.  Thank you.  And be safe all you hunters out there tomorrow!

At Least we Had Sunshine Today

But my DH golf partner (brother while we still live here in the city) was unavailable today and I was in the office all day.  But I am grateful for the income.  He will be busy dear hunting this weekend to go, and I am going to cook for my dear friend who had surgery yesterday and see if I can help her in any other way.  I am also planning to run to IKEA for a few things, but might have to put off for a couple weeks.  So busy! 

Tomorrow supposed to be really cold.  My DH gave my work friend a super warm coat.  It is well made and fabric has camo - which is funny because this friend moved here from West Coast and literally laughs because he has never owned anything camo before, but also said it is the warmest coat he has ever had.  We laugh because DH always buys best quality.  I have spent my first 45 years buying discount or sale stuff, based mostly on price and availability.  Now, I buy quality - pay once and have one.  Don't spend time running around wishing I had bought something else, or buying duplicates/multiples of similar.  I buy what I want, but I research and find best buy.  Sometimes that means vintage or thrift, often ebay or Poshmark.  And my closet is not stuffed to the gills with stuff that I am not satisfied with.  I almost NEVER buy anything just becaue it is on sale now.  I buy something because I plan ahead.  My husband is trailing along with me on the reduction mentality, but he is coming along in his own time and without me saying anything.  I just love that about this man!

Anyway, so glad I got in a great yoga session last night.  it was dark going in, so that was not as weird as going in to class daylight, coming out dark.  Then I visited my friend in hospital.  Work is busy.  2 more weekends till it will be Thanksgiving.  Crazy.  My DH has day off tomorrow, I do not.  Again, I will take a paycheck.  Thank you God.  I am a temp.  We were in a hiring frenzy this summer.  Things are slowing down.  I have seen a few mass exodus in my 10 years in this gig.  I have met some people I like and see then leave and get other stuff willing and leave not willingly.  We are starting to see some worried people around us.  I will be one of those people looking for somethine else soon.  It is hard.  Change is hard.  Everyone hates rejection.  Uggggghhhh.  I just have to pray my next chapter is out there...waiting.  Have a great Thursday evening.  I like Thursday evenings, if I can ever just relax and live in the moment!

The Days Are Getting Shorter

I feel better today, had a rough day yesterday.  Not eating lunch helped.  Today I am feeling sad because I am really missing my after work walks.  Walking on the treadmill at the gym might have to be my next step since I sold my treadmill and elliptical a couple months ago.  What was I thinking selling it so soon?!  I guess, I am just at the point where I am ready to clear things out because as much as we plan, who really knows what kind of time table we will actually be on and the sooner stuff goes, the better! 

So, I missed hot yoga Monday since I was hurting and had killer headache.  Yesterday I was still pretty sore, so I went home and took it easy.  Except, I did clear out a bunch of room in upstairs walkin closet so my husband can start putting his stuff in the closet upstairs and can start cleaning out the basement walkin he has used for 10 years.  It was HIS idea when we moved in!  But it has been nice, his and her closets!  Not down in RH (retirement home).  We are going from 2 large walk in closets to one small one.  Oh well, we don't need near as many clothes!  He has been a real trooper letting go of stuff as he sees me clear stuff out and strategically move carload by carload.  He even came up with a few things to give my work friend who has a large farm and an unfinished house and seems to be missing his heavy coat right now (said it is all dirty).  My husband has plenty of coats.  He and I both have (had?  I hope) a coat thing.

I may try to do a gentle yoga tonight.  I hope you are having a great week if you are reading.

Health

11/6/17
Health

Yesterday was my colonoscopy.  i have had about 12 in tge past 10 years.  I am having them about once per year.  But, at least I now have a good specialist that does not tell me there is nothing wrong or that I need to take Prozac.  Nothing against Prozac, but I am not depressed and an SSRI will not help my stomach stop hurting.  I did have a doctor (a specialist, mind you) tell me all these things.  The one who could not find anything wrong with me, found something wrong, but denied that it was a condition.  He told me I needed a food allergy work up.  So I did that and then no one could help me, except for the person he referred me to, for $800 out of pocket.  I never did pay the $800.  I do not disagree with the concept of an elimination diet, but I believe my issues need a holistic approach.  Good luck finding a specialist that signs off on that concept.  So, when I have had specialists who tell me nothing is wrong, or I need to take Prozac...I just stop going to them, keep going back to my primary for her referrals, and I keep trying elimination diets, supplements, getting rest, reducing stress, yoga and mediation, prayer and anything else I can think of!

Well, my latest specialist does seem to make me take a lot of tests, but she at least explains her reasoning and discusses strategy with me and listens to me.  And for that I am truly grateful.  However, this latest exam seems to have really set me off into a flare, unlike any other recents ones I can remember.  I just eat less, get more rest and try to stay positive.  I think this will pass too, the flares usu do.  Sometimes in a few days, sometimes in a few months.  Fortunately, I have been doing well enough that I have gained weight, so if I lose even quite a bunch of weight, it won't be a big deal. 

So, yesterday after my test it felt decadent to be off work on a Monday.  I had lunch with my maternal aunt's and we did a tiny bit of shopping...some of it in my house (do you want this?  do you want this?  do you want this?  hahahaha).  I am so lucky to have them.  I skipped yoga and went to bed early, today I am at work but feeling like I have been punched in the stomach by a prize fighter, but I am hanging in there.  Only 1 more hour to go.  Then I can go home early and my husband can have the leftovers from the food I fixed Sat downhome at RH. 

I hope everyone has a great week!
stomach, Prozac, specialists, exam, allergies, diet, rest, stress, holistic

Fall Hunters Moon Rising

11/4/17
Tonight’s full moon will be bold, bright, and brilliant.  Almost a Super moon, and also called the Hunter’s moon (the first moon after the Harvest) it was named for the  hunters who would go out to stockpile meat for their families for the upcoming winter. Whether used as a guiding light for those dressed in camouflage, or simply as a beautiful moon to reflect on, on the night that Daylight Savings Time ends, I love it.

Today I got up and moved some ornamental grass to each side of the driveway from a couple of planters since it had grown so big and was drying out too much.  Then I planted a catalpa tree and a fig tree given to me by 2 of my work friends.  Now I am off to do some trimming on a way overgrown wisteria and move some rocks fir some future landscaping.  Have a productive Saturday!

Moon, daylight savings, ornamental grass, catalpa tree, fig tree, wisteria, rocks

Giggles Remembered

11/2/17
Giggles remembered

During our recent family weekend, my sister D3 told us a story...her husband helped her cook recently and commented on how hard she worked to feed him and the kids over the years...she replied "yeah, I did".  Hehe, this made all us women giggle.

All Souls Day

11/1/17
I dedicate my post today to my mom, God rest her soul.

I cannot even believe that it is already November.  It is cool and gray outside, but not as cold and windy as Halloween.  I did manage to bundle up and take a walk after work.  Next week ends daylight savings time, so will be too dark for me to walk after this week.  I will still walk on Sundays though.  I do not walk in the dark.  I live in a nice suburb of a large Midwestern city and probably would be safe walking even in the pitch black, but my husband and I just do not think this is a good idea, so I avoid it.  My husband walks with me sometimes, but I cannot depend on him to walk with me.  So, I guess I will increase my yoga to twice a week and walk weekends. 

I have walked regularly since I graduated from high school in the 80's.  I used to do it just to keep my weight down, but over the years the benefits have become so obvious, that I do it to stay active and healthy.  Perhaps more important even still are the benefits it has on my psyche.  I feel better mentally and my mind shifts into a relaxation mode when I walk regularly.  I listen to podcasts, books or music and I just really enjoy it.  I have a beautiful walking area on a parkway at my CH (city home).  It goes in between 2 golf courses and so I find balls all the time and it is also in between to cow pastures so we see lots of wild animals, along with the cows.  There is a stream and a pond that is a constant source of animals.  We have seen (or heard) owls, an eagle, hawks, ducks, geese, kingfishers, egrets, cormorants, coots, herons, cranes, bitterns, all manner of other migratory birds, foxes, coyotes, raccoons, beavers, otters, muskrats, possums, skunks, deer, turtles, frogs and...I think that about covers it. 

I hope it stays nice enough today to walk again when I get home.  Last night after my walk we pretty much lay low while the kids trick or treated, we have 2 small dogs that go crazy, so we don't turn our light on.  I hate it, but I feel like our neighbors would be disturbed by the barking because we are the middle unit in a patio home.  Then, we both wanted to watch different shows, so my husband ate his fish meal in front of the TV in the living room and I enjoyed my pumpkin smoothie in the bed room.  We hardly ever do that, but I enjoyed catching up on one of my shows.  I think tonight I will fix him either left over pancakes from Sunday morning or a taco salad. 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...yesterday was the last day of overtime for me!  I have been on overtime since June and I am tired of it.  I added it all up and I have done an extra 182 hours of overtime and I am ready to wind down a little.  Next week I have a colonoscopy on Monday and I have decided to just take the rest of the day off!  That is a rare thing for sure.  It will be sort of like a reward.  I am going to eat lunch with my aunts and then putter at home.  I dread it so much, I just want to get it over with.  I have had like 8 in the past 5 years, but I am doing a lot better between diet, medicine and supplements.  And I just have to accept that I need a lot of rest, esp while I am working full time.  My stress over the years has been reduced since I changed careers and I hope to downsize the stress even more when my husband retires.  Stress is a killer when you have a constant medical condition like I do.  Have a great Wednesday, I hope you get to enjoy what ever thing reduces your stress and gives you some joy!

November, yoga, exercise, golf balls, birds, animals, nature, dogs, CH walking, health, career, stress

Fall Reflection

10/31/17
One of the things I had problems getting done this past weekend was canning 6 quarts of apple pie filling.  It was hard because the recipe I had called for the hot liquid to be poured into the jars over the cut up apple.  So, you have to sterilize the jars and then put the apples in and then make the liquid.  When I was stirring the liquid, it got hot and bubbly and then can quickly boil over.  I had not used many quart jars before and when I had 6 in the hot bath canner, it is REALLY full.  Anyway, I got it done, but had to do the entire process twice because they did not seal the first time.  It also takes a lonnnnnggggg time to bring 6 full quarts to a rolling boil and let it process for a full 25 min.  Whew.  So I tasted the syrup and I think it is going to make some really good pies!  I also froze 3 quarts and another quart of just the syrup.  Hope this works!  I spent a long time cutting and pealing.  My hand was arthritic practically!

Passage from the latest book I am listening to made me have a light-bulb moment last week.  I mull it over a little each day since to let it process.  The book is called Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things, by Amy Dickinson (of Ask Amy column).  She talks about how her father left her family when she was young and she felt that by her father always telling her early in life that she was in his circle and making a big distinction opposed to people that were not in his circle, by leaving, he was poignantly telling her she was not anyone who mattered.  My F did this too.  It made quite an impression on my, walking down the sidewalk, hurrying toward home as the sun was setting last Thursday...

Monday Remind Me Again

10/30/17
Monday Remind Me Again

This morning I am tired and it is cold and gray outside.  I was in a foul mood yesterday, but could not really put my finger on why except really, I allowed myself to focus on the negative.  Stupid petty negative.  Several things I worked on this weekend did not work out like I hoped, I was too busy and doing several things for other people, not what I wanted to do and Sunday I could not get my DGM books to balance and then more on this in a minute.  While my DGM was down at lunch, I got there early to work on her book keeping.  I hate book keeping, esp if it is not my own books.  I think I was hurrying, getting ready for her company and I just did not understand her savings book scribbles, so I postponed finishing the bottom line till she and I have quiet time to work on it together. 

About 1:15 her nephew brought his mother over.  My DGM cannot see or hear hardly at all, so she insists on me or her daughter (PA) being there when she has company.  She is uncomfortable trying to make conversation now and appreciates our keeping the flow going.  I was really glad to see my Great Aunt and give her a couple hugs/kisses and I was even glad to see her son, R.  I find him friendly and easy to talk to.  He is quite funny and I enjoy him very much.  He is my dad's 1st cousin and they were both fond of each other.  Much of the visit included fond memories and misty eyed musings of R. It got awkward when he asked about my half brother.  My DGM at 98, stepped in and carried this part of the conversation.  I just sat awkwardly and felt all my unease and discomfort from 2012 to 2014 come rushing back.  I just stated simply and truthfully that I did not get along with half brother's mom and I don't hear from half brother.  We finished the afternoon with nice conversation and focus on DGM and her SIL, my great aunt.  It ended pleasantly enough, I visited with my DGM a few minutes, then I drove 30 miles home.

I was in a horrid mood.  I still have a lot of bewilderment about what happened and why.  I stopped to visit with my aunts' briefly (my mom's sisters) it was a good interlude because when I got home to my DH, I was no longer in such a foul mood.  Maybe last night, sleeping on it let it process the way it was supposed to.  This morning, I feel ok.  I questioned whether my discomfort was felt by my DGM or her company.  I had a lot of self doubt.  I know R and his sister, N have had difficulties in life.  I relate a lot with N.  I think she carries the weight of her mom's care while her 3 brothers moved to other states.  I am good friends with R daughter,W.  W and and her sister both found themselves step daughters to a later wife of their father, and later half sisters to brothers later in life.  They have all managed to have a relationship with their dad, step mom and half brothers.  I respect that a lot.  When I visit with N and W, we talk about this some.  We also laugh a lot and talk about a lot of other things.  So, basically it is just snippets.  I want to delve into this a little bit with W next time I see her.  It just so happens that she is coming back to town in December and we will all get together. 

Until then, I will think some of the uncomfortable feelings of why my dad moved on and let his wife create a life without my sister and I.  I will think of the young half brother that I don't know and continue to pray earnestly for him and remind myself that while I don't get along with his mother or sister, I am glad he seems to be close to them and have a loving family unit.  Sometimes it is not about me at all. 

After all, if I let myself get melancholy about this 1)  it is water under the bridge with my dad, he is gone.  2)  it affects me and my life and that is not fair to DH.  I have so much to be grateful for, that I don't have room for that old stuff anymore.  3)  I have seen what bitterness can do to other people.  And I am thankful for the reminders I had this weekend and to keep learning, keep growing and keep changing.  I will go to hot yoga tonight and I will more effectively breathe it out and let it go.  After all, I witnessed a man in his 70's accused of being selfish and soft of uncaring (like my own father) take the time to visit his elderly mother, bring her across town just to see her 98 y/o SIL and comfront misty eyed memories, all while being lovely and polite and attentive to 2 of my favorite little old ladies in the world.  I choose to focus on this, rather than my own demons.

While I wait for work this morning, I will enjoy a nice hot cup of tea and listen to the annual Halloween podcasts I enjoy.  Have a great day before Halloween.  I know I will!

Grateful for people

10/29/17
Grateful for people

I am grateful for people in my life.  I had a great date night with my DH listen after a busy and productive Sat morning and drive sat afyernoon looking at leaves.  Sat morning was cool, but afternoon was pretty.  Stayed up way too late, had fun.  Saw my 97 yo DGM and her 93 yo SIL (my great aunt) and my fathers cousin.  It brought on some painful memories of my dad...but my dad is gone now.  I did what I could before he died.

After my busy sunday helping my DGM, i had a healthy early dinner and caught up with my aunts for little while.  I didnt get my walk in, rare for a Sun.  I will just walk extra this week.  Sold a purse and canned some apple pie filling.  First time ever made chunky applesauce with cinnamon.  Its good.  My house is clean.  In an hour, bed then another work week...

Trying not to wish my life away too fast!  But want winter over and its barely started!

Happy Friday

10/27/17
1. Favorite smell?  New car
2. Last time you cried? Tears of happiness last weekend...lots of them!
3. Favorite pizza:  My home made dairy free
4. Favorite flower?  Gladiolas
5.Favorite dog breed? Golden retrievers or chihuahuas
6. Untie shoes when taking them off? Yes
7. Roller coasters?  Yes, but it has been a while
8. Favorite ice cream?  None, allergic :(
9. Favorite past time?  Crocheting, yoga, riding my motorcycle and golf, next hobbies to take up:  gardening and hiking.
10. Shorts or jeans? Jeans
11. What are you listening to? Usu 80's music
12. Favorite Color?  Leopard print
13. Tattoos?  No
14. Piercing? Ears
15. Color of hair?  Formerly dark brown
16. Color of eyes? Green
17. Favorite food to eat? Dessert
18. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving
19. Night owl or morning person?  Neither
20. Favorite day of the week?  Thursday
21. Do you have a nickname?  Attractive nuissance, little girl, non sequitor
22. Pictures on your wall? Yes
23. What makes you most proud? reaching old age/life lessons
24. Favorite music? Everything, esp rock and roll

Ever do these in ye Olde chain emails?  Or on FB?  I try to be fairly general and don't get personal on social media at all.  I just follow twitter for news, instagram for fashion and do some general posts on FB.  It is just for fun.  But could I ever quit cold turkey?  Prob not.  Esp when I move from the city to the country.  It is a nice way to keep up with people and have some contact.  I heard from an old friend from my home town the other day.  He was mostly asking for another friend's contact info who is not on FB.  Oh well, it was nice to talk to him.  I reached out to another friend to offer my support this week also, he was cheated on by his wife, is getting a divorce.  I can't get too sucked up on the drama, politics, bad news and hate.  I am in, quick and out.  I am too busy. 

I finally sold my husband's most recent rejected golf club and a few things I am happy to see go.  I put the money in savings to do stuff to our RH.  My husband learned his official retirement date from the feds this week.  9/28/18.  11 months.  We were thinking it was going to be June, but he can't leave and not have them be able to hire replacement till Sept, so he is going to stay and take money for his cumulative sick time.  I admire that decision.  I don't have to like it.  We will go ahead and list our CH first of April.  All we really have to do  before this is deep clean and touch up paint, relocate my cat (I am going to ask a couple of friends if they will foster her, as we will be back and forth at least until I can find work in the country and 3)  clean, scrape and repaint deck.  We figure we should be able to find decent weekend weather in March and timing good with people looking to buy anyway.  I will head south as soon as I can find work.  If we sell early, DH will find a place to stay during the week and come down weekends.  Could be a busy 2018.  Given all that has happened in 2017, I am ready. 

Tonight I am making canned apple pie filling, tomorrow chunky cinnamon applesauce then I will be finished with the apples.  I hope you have a great weekend!  Can't believe it is like 58 days till Christmas.  The cold weather this morning makes it seem more real though.  I am happy I have a roof and a down comforter I put on our bed last night.  God bless.

surveys, social media, hobbies, selling stuff, apple pie, applesauce, official retirement date, selling CH

Blogging for a month

10/25/17
Blogging for a month

So, while I am a little quieter this week, I still want to continue blogging.  I am not sure these are even published because when I google, I can't locate.  I can just access it via Blogger on my cell phone.

Oh, well.  Not even sure if I care, but I would like to connect with someone else out there. 

I guess I am quiet this week because I am all talked out from this weekend!  There are a few people in my family that I worry about for various reasons.  Sometimes that worry gets overwhelming, not because of the worry itself, but because I know I could help if I were asked, but I cannot help unless the people want me to help.  So, it feels frustrating being helpless.  Then I remember the best way I probably can help is to work on myself and pray for those people.

The weather is turning a little cooler.  Getting darker.  I am going to run home after work and walk, no matter what!  When my husband and I walked Sunday afternoon we saw a new to us bird - a cormorant.  It was cool.  We also found the 5 gal bucket of brand new paint.  My sister has decided this will be good for the well house/storage they are building.  I am happy to save her $100 on paint!  I am happy it is just in my garage temporarily!

My stomach is feeling good this week which is amazing considering I ate too much and most of it junk this past weekend.  But I am doing pretty well.  It helped that I backed way off Sunday and I have not been eating anything except fruit in the evenings.  Tonight I might have a smoothie. 

This is the last weekend before Halloween.  I think Sat my husband and I are going to go out and see my Brother in Law (BIL2) play with his band.  We never go out, we are home bodies.  We especially never go to bars or clubs.  We usu eat out and relax and make an evening out of it, so it will be fun.  I am glad we don't do it often, I can't stay up too late, I am early to bed kind of person.  Have a great Wednesday!

blogging anniversary, quiet, cooler fall weather, family worry, how I can help, prayer, work on myself, feeling pretty good, walking, listening to brother in law, BIL band, light eating

Losses and Gains

10/23/17
Losses and Gains

Home from my long family women weekend!  We figured on our fingers and toes how many years we have been doing this beautiful fall arts and crafts weekend...24 years!  Crazy, huh?  We got so tired of arts and crafts about 10 years in that we started doing clothes shopping and movie the Saturday of the weekend.  We had a great time!  But now i need a weekend to recover from my weekend! 

Here's what I got rid of this past weekend:
10 pints/2 quarts of apple butter, an apple pie, a case of water...a purse (my aunt M1 bought it for $75 and I found another one like it I liked better for $12 - real leather!  Ordered it as I sat in my car while we were pumping gas!  More on "what I got" in a sec)...3 blankets, 3 crockpots, 5 gal of paint, quilt rack, 2 cute mugs (I have too many), a robe, antique Clorox bottle, pair of old Ray Bans, an unfinished quilt, a plastic 3 drawer storage unit...I think that's it.  I sold nothing online this weekend.  But I came home and listed another vest and another coat.  My aunt wants to look at a couple of my vests next time I see her.  Today I will be giving away another 2 pints apple butter.

What I got:  New purse (one out, one in), 2 new pj sets, 2 necklaces (clearance), 1 pair earrings (clearance), 3 gifts for my DH - a t shirt, hand salve to help with his winter finger cracks, kettle korn (of course), 2 shirts (one going back - I already had one very similar - oops, I am not perfect), 3 socks, a few gifts from my visiting family (NFL team work out tank, a cute dog tote, 3 quart canning jar set and a hand made sign from my creative cousin D1...and my cousin SIL bought my dinner Friday night while I was buying my sister/nieces, and a big bunch of lush grapes)...Oh, I also got quality time with my family who love me and whom I love, time with a couple of older mentoring aunts, time with a couple of younger neice/cousin I want to be there for as a mentor, time with my sister who I would do anything for, time with a cousin I adore and laugh constantly when I am with her and a new acquaintance with her SIL, whom we all agreed was a lovely woman whom we hope comes with us next year.  We laughed, we ate, we shopped, we talked, we saw lovely leaves and arts/crafts.  We went to Walmart neighborhood grocery, Walmart and Sams all in a long weekend (like we couldn't do this at home), we went to the mall.  We rented a cute movie, we got up early to get shopping early, we slept in and relaxed.  We walked outside, we rode our side by side and we took lots of pictures.  My tummy is plumper, my bank account a little lighter but my heart is over flowing.

Ready for long weekend

10/19/17
Ready for long arts & craft weekend, except I am tired

I have been getting ready for 2 weeks for my girls weekend with my sister, neice, aunts and cousins.  Now it is the day I will leave work early and drive down with one of my aunt's (M2).  I am driving my husband's car today, it is an older smaller sedan, and gets better gas mileage than my SUV.  M2 will have her husband bring her down to where i work so we can go from there in the other direction in my car.  M1, my other aunt is going 3 hours out of her way to pick up her grand daughter.  I am glad the grand daughter wants to come (she has come before when her cousins have come), but I am glad I don't have to add an extra 3 hours today and 3 hours sunday to my drive, because I am tired.  They probably won't get to RH until midnight.  Plus, I will have quite a few things to do Sunday to get ready for another 50 hour week.  I had hoped we could all ride together, but it is out of my hands.  My 2 aunts (M1 and M2) both live in the city I currently live in.  They are my mother's sisters.  I don't like to drive at night if I don't have to and I get sleepy around 10pm.  My main thing about avoiding the extra 3 hours is that my cousin and her SIL will be there at around 6 or 7pm to my RH and I felt uncomfortable hosting with people just waiting for me in my house.  I want to get there, get unloaded.  Open the blinds, turn on the AC, turn on some lights, sweep out any dead bugs, God forbid.  When you don't live full time in a house, there is the constant battle with bugs.  It is a pain.  We also have some issues with mildew from the house being shut up so tight and not enough air movement.  I feel really uncomfortable having guests get there before I do.  And not by a little while, by hours.  My cousin and I are close enough, I don't worry about that.  But I have never met her SIL and my cousin has only been to my house once.  I am sure I will be on the phone with her trying to direct her in.  I don't want to be driving through the hilly terrain in the dark with 3 women in the car, perhaps talking with each other. 

I am bringing everyone a pint of my apple butter and the pie I froze.  I packed it in ice in my car while I work 8 hours today.  I am currently  waiting on a project.  I hope this day goes by fast.  The sun is coming up and I am enjoying my nice hot tea.  I am excited about the weekend, but as a host, I always worry will everything run smoothly and will people have a nice time.  I also worry about who has to sleep on the sofa bed, because I know it is not the most comfortable.  But, it is nice to enjoy the fall with some women in my family who mean the world to me.  After our mom passed away, her sisters enjoy an even more important part of my life and I know my sister D3 feels the same way. 

I am also excited to be bringing 2 crockpots that I can't use to my neice and nephew, a 3 drawer plastic storage unit, and 2 Halloween tubs of decorations for them to take and use/enjoy.  More stuff out of my CH.  Win win!  I sold a pair of boots and a nice leather jacket this past week that I have been trying to sell for 6 months.  I put that money in savings.  I paid my personal property taxes last week in the RH state ($600+).  And my credit card balance was empty until my Sam's run last night (ouch).  It just occurred to me that the $200 cash I stashed at CH I totally forgot.  Oh well, I have $50 cash on me and  cash stashed at RH, so I should be fine!  I am buying nothing at the craft fair (Friday) or the shopping center (Saturday)...unless it is a big metal state mascot to put on our barn (my husband calls it barn, I call it a shed).  I have debated making one cut out of particle board - I could save prob 75%, but my husband nor I have ever used a jig saw...stay tuned on that one!

Have a great 3rd weekend of October fall weekend!  Enjoy your friends, family, traditions, sunshine, leaves, banana bread, apple butter, or pumpkin anything!  See you next week.

Me too

10/17/17
Me Too
After the recent news out of Hollywood about a producer being a long time predator against women in entertainment industry, there is a sweeping wave of "me too" being posted on social media by other women who have either been a victim of sexual harassment or sexual assault.  I made a comment on one of my friends' post, but I am too afraid to put my own #me too out there.  That is how something like this sticks with someone.  For.  The.  Rest.  Of.  Their.  Life.  Over the weekend, while watching a report on the news about it, I casually mentioned to my DH that not only does it happen to many women, such as myself, but more than once.  I wish my younger self had the perspective and wisdom of my older self in dealing with it.  I cannot write much about it now, maybe someday I will be able to.  But, I definitely have experienced both kinds of abuse...and not just once. In the industry I started out my career in...I was harassed, more than once.  And I worked in a bar as an 18 year old.  It happened there too.  At least thet told us we could smack someone for touchung us.  But I am sorry to say, I have not only been harassed, I have been assaulted to.  I wonder how many other women have been assaulted too.  And I have rarely ever spoken of it and certainly never written anything down about it.  How powerful are the feelings it causes...guilt, shame, anxiety...it may even begin for form perception of myself and others.  It can be something that one uses as a shield or a wall.  I did.  I worry the way our society is headed this problem is not going away anytime soon.  But at least victims can begin to heal faster/sooner...or better yet...avoid it.