Tuesday, paying for it

This is from Tues Sept 19 - I just fixed a typo and it parked it right here.  Stayed up too late watching football on TV.  Before the game, they showed my city and snippets of the people and the fans here - gave me that pride of living here kind of feeling.  Then they talked to a few of the players and asked how they get ready for a big game.  Most of them mentioned music or listening to radio to get ready.  Prayer, solitude.  Amping up, getting psyched up.  I used to be a wrestling cheerleader in high school.  I know it seems weird being a wrestling cheerleader, but we had (and still do) a good wrestling program and my high school boyfriend was a state wrestler and I was proud of those guys and rooted them on.  I learned their routines and habits to get prepped for meets.  It was interesting.  Their dedication as young men, was inspiring.  A couple of the NFL football players sat down during the national anthem.  Many of the people if my social media feed have a very strong emotion about it one way or another.  It seems like one side or another.  The opinions are so strong, there is little room for thought, only reaction.  My DH has a strong reaction.  I also have an opinion on it, but I am not willing to decide and just stop.  I try to understand.  I am just tired of looking at everything all or nothing, my side or your side, good or bad.  I am just tired.  And now after staying up too late and forgoing hot yoga to be home and watch the game, I am feeling blah.  Sometimes, the answers do not come - like why the guy in Vegas did such a horrific act.  Sometimes things don't fit into a box.  Just last week I said to myself I was going to try to avoid negative news that tries to pit side against side.  Now it seems almost impossible.  Mix in the sad stories about the victims and I am sad as well as tired.  Glad I have tools in my life to pick up and utilize.

Now I learn another person on my project at work is leaving.  I have been a temp for nearly 10 years!  I have been on several projects over the years.  This last project I have been on has been nearly 3 years.  At first I hated this project.  The person who I worked closely with was confusing, left out crucial instruction, was frazzled with her own work/workload, was a little rough around the edges and unprofessional in how she spoke (oversharing personal information) and really was pretty rude most of the time.  I spend a few nights crying at home to my husband.  And I looked for other jobs.  I did not look very hard.  I am at a loss careerwise and after having a few disappointments, I gave up looking about the time I started working here. 

After a while, I have adjusted...I don't let it bother me.  See, I barely mentioned it.  Haha.  Perspective is a powerful thing.