Sometimes the "Interwebs" Help

I just read a column by "Ask Amy" and learned about a concept that was helpful.  It has been around a while, but I had not heard of it.

The Ring Theory, as started by a pair of professionals/writers in Psychology Today article.  The people closest to the person having a problem receive comfort and support from outer circles.  The circles outward represent next of kin, closest family, closest friends, distant family, etc.  If someone needs to vent, they pass it outward.  Support and comfort in, bitching out.  Totally makes sense.  Stuff like this, you learn from your support system.  My mother passed away when I was 24 and I miss out on stuff like this.  Now, I will pass this on, implicity or explicitly. 

My sister and I experienced this in practice when my mother was dying and we were present with my father in a little tightly wound ball.  Boundaries to this day questioned by my aunt.  My mom's sister.  It goes a little like this...my father, my sister and I were deciding whether to take my mother off of life support.  My mom's step father, whom she was not close to, offered stories of his ailments during a time that we just needed to process what to do about our mom.  My father was swift and sure in his recoil.  My sister and I more confused and in a daze, we were too young to understand.  This may have had a more slow, long term and sustained effect on us.  Sometimes I think this is just one way men and women differ...in how things affect us.  My dad did not miss a beat, he felt a certain way and just moved threw life and I was more questioning always.  I have been like this forever.  Maybe not as much now. 

My mother passed at peace and having forgiven and accepting her step father.  For what?  I am not sure and will never really know...but I know my mom's mind was at ease. 

My mom's step father has a child that I cherish today.  She is my mom's youngest sister.  Same mother.  She is one of my favorite people in the world.  Another such treasured person is her sister, my mother's next youngest sister, same father as my mom.  She and I have been close since I was one year old.  These two sisters see things and express themselves differently.  The sister who shares my mother's father...she sees things one way.  The sister who had same father, sees things differently.  Aunt who is more outspoken, she felt slighted about her mother being placed very deliberately - by my father, into the next outer layer of "The Ring".  I have heard this feedback over the years 100 times.  I have gone the gamut of horrified outcry...over to a much milder form of understanding...about this situation.  Weathered by age, experience and just plain knowledge about perspective and life-position.  I may think about this more...but I probably will not change much in my understanding about it, from this moment forward.  The internet helped me today.