Exhausted and Depressed

I am exhausted and depressed.  I just got back from quick trip to the city to help my Granny and be with my aunt a little bit.  My uncle dying.  She is caring for him at home.  I was happy to see him, he is still responding a little and spend time supporting her.  But now I am just depleted.

I had lost 4 or 5 pounds before I left, I tried very hard while gone to continue the same eating plan.  Now it is all back - in 3 days!  I am tired, my tummy hurts and I just want to sleep.

This time of the year is hard for my anyway.  My mom and late husband died in early March.  But this year I was determined not to let this creep into my psyche and overcome this tendency to think about it.  Last year I woke up one morning in late February with a very sore shoulder and it was sore for 2 months!  I even went to the chiropractor.  Maybe that was the beginning of part of my weight gain.  Is it almost inevitable that one gains weight in retirement?  I am really struggling with this.  Maybe that is just the most obvious thing to focus all my frustration on.

I also have a couple of friends who are really bringing my down.  I don't want to be friends anymore but I have avoided confrontation for over a year.  I have known these gals since 3rd grade.  Instead of mellowing in middle age, they are getting more judgmental and nosey...and talk about people behind their backs!

We have a cancer charity we started in our hometown and we have a fundraiser coming up in May.  I had previously started a charity in my city I used to live in for stray animals, so I helped with the paperwork and 501c3 for this cancer charity.  Now I just want far away from anything these other people are involved in so that I can focus on my mental health.  Maybe the physical will follow my mental health healing.  I do have a chronic autoimmune conditions, so that is a special consideration in my life.

My plan is going to unfold as follows.  I will go along for another 3 months as secretary and get through the fundraiser.  Then I will ask for a replacement and ease out.  I think I need to just focus on being retired and in my new state (that I LOVE) and just be still and learn to be alone and no distractions.  I am coming to the belief that these girls do not have my best interests so I am not going to try and have a big talk or get to an understanding of what I want, I am just going to drift.  I tried this last year but one of the girls is always inviting me to church stuff.  The wrinkle is one gal lives 30 miles from me!  Uggggghhhh.  I have owned my house here since 2014.  She just moved last year to be closer to her mom.  Isn't life funny sometimes.

So I Have Been Busy Again

So I have been busy.  Chiefs winning the Super Bowl.  We watched from home.  This was after I came back from whirlwind trip to city to see my cousin whose mom died (my great aunt and my Granny's best friend). She was 95.

Then I got to see my Uncle who went on hospice and support my aunt.  I am so happy my uncle got to witness another Super Bowl win for his beloved Chiefs.

Then I had to turn around after the visit and pack and go to my Great Aunt's funeral back at the lake in my hometown.  It was nice to see my cousins and all our family from all over...Texas, Colorado, Ariona, Georgia, Missouri...  My sister and my cousins and I rented an Airbnb with a pretty view.

Then we did get to enjoy Super Bowl from our own home, DH and I (and our dogs!),

I have also been lucky enough to enjoy some pretty hikes lately.

I am getting spring fever.

This is what over $100 gets for a funeral now a days.  Crazy.

The Chiefs are going to the big game!

After 50 years, we are going back to the Super Bowl.  The last time this happened I was an infant.

What a ride.  The game against the Titans was a good game.  It seemed like it went quickly and then again it seemed like it took forever.

Happy Martin Luther King day.  A bunch of happy people in KC.  We watched from afar and felt just as much pride.

Today we are having a low key day.  I am making dinner for my in laws tonight.  My MILhas not been feeling well and is having some tests today and tomorrow.  I have a pork roast in the crock pot and I am making a big dish of mac and cheese and home grown green beans.

Have a great day!

cookies for breakfast

Sometimes you just gotta have cookies for breakfast.  I have done well all week, then no plans for breakfast today and since I am doing intermittent fasting, when I work out and then wait till noon to eat - I was starving and they were just starting at me.  The plain old cheapo store bought sandwich cookies.  Very boring.  But I am one of those who hates to waste food, so I grabbed the 6 or 8 left and just wolfed them down.  Booooooooo.

At least I have a plan for dinner.  Fish and baked potatoes, veggies.  And I am using the left of the broth (frozen - defrosting now) from Thanksgiving turkey.  Will puree with some roasted red peppers and have a yummy soup with lots of vitamin C.

Yesterday I was planning to drive to city to see my sick uncle and my dear grandmother, but the forcecast is yucky so I postponed.  Since I had front loaded my workouts and chores early in the week, my husband and I enjoyed staying home and watching Downton Abbey movie.  It was good.  Now we are watching The Crown.

I hope you are warm and cozy where you are.  If you have been very good, enjoy a little cookie treat with me.  Here are my newest 3 dogs I am getting there photos printed to put on my shelf with my current doggie and my doggie Chico who passed in Oct.  The last one is Chico.

ct.  I still miss him.

20/20/20/20

Tonight at 8:20 it will be 20:20 of 2020.  What will you be doing to celebrate?  We will probably spend hump day evening watching Downton Abbey.  We were very late to this party.  We just started watching after Christmas.  Heck we are late to the Netflix thing, only signing up for it a year ago.  But we are enjoying it quite a bit.  We have that and Amazon Prime.  Actually Downton is Prime.  We start today on the last season and are loving it.  Then we will round up the movie.

We are having Tuscan shrimp and beans and buffalo roasted cauliflower.  I am sitting here waiting for the vet to call us saying our two little chihuahuas can be picked up.  They had their dental cleaning appointment today.  I got up early and got their harnesses on, took them out to potty and then drove to the vet with their favorite blankets so they would not be cold and scared waiting in their little area.

Chihuahuas are known to have bad teeth and require a cleaning every couple of years in which they are put under anesthesia and on an iv if they are older.  Mine are both at the age where the may or may not need iv/blood test, since they are rescued we don't know exact age, so we opt for these safeguards just to be safe.  Well the vet has called twice saying my little girl now has developed a heart murmur and has at least 2 teeth to be pulled.  I am sad for her.

At least they will be good for coupe more years, fingers crossed.  And hopefully the little boy we just rescued a few months ago will not require any teeth being pulled.

The weather is great today.  Enjoy your day, wherever you are.

Post Christmas, Pre New Years

Had DH family (mom and dad, sister/BIL, 2 brothers) Christmas meal Saturday.  We had roast pork and ham.  Then we all split up the sides.  DH mom has said she is not doing the cooking anymore.  I can understand - she is 85 this March!  So, sister in law did the 2 meats and I did scalloped potatoes, Waldorf salad and deviled eggs.  The potatoes tasted fine, had a slight sweet smell to them...I did not realize until today that I had used unsweetened but vanilla almond milk.  Haha, what an idiot!  Oh, well I am not sure anyone really noticed.  We had so much yummy stuff.  I also did a version just for me with dairy free cheese substitute.  I just had some for lunch - pretty good.

Today I finished moving the dirt (and bulbs) from my raised flower bed that we had to move for the new fence we are having built.  Then I raked a bunch of wet leaves from our little yard and piled them on top of the beds (I have 3) to help insulate the bulbs and prevent weeds.  It was good the leaves were wet, hopefully they will stay on the beds and not blow off.  Bad because they were hard to rake!  It has turned cool here...and windy!  But still not supposed to get too cold yet this week.  That is good news, I am hiking 13 miles New Years Day!

Then I came inside and cleaned the house.  Did couple loads of laundry.  The dogs were running around and now they are napping.  DH is playing golf with his cousin.  I declined since I am doing yoga tonight.  I played DH and one of his brothers Friday at a challenging course 45 min away.  It was nice and I did ok.

My yoga instructor is out of town for 2 weeks, so I am taking advantage of a $21 for 21 days unlimited yoga...the only problem is I have to drive 30 miles.  Oh well, the price we pay for living in the boonies.

I am sitting here enjoying the view of my living room picture gallery.  Maybe I have posted before, but just in case.  Here is before:

Here is after.  I wanted to lighten up the living room.  I am sure the deer head is not everyone's cup of tea.  But it is DH and he is proud of his hunting and enjoys outdoor stuff.  He does not get to display most of his rustic, antique and old-timey stuff, so I give him the deer head in the living room.  It happens to go with our other rustic themed pictures. 

Have a great week and if I don't make it back here.  Have a Happy New Year.  Quiet night at home as usual for DH and I.  We are going to enjoy nachos and wings.  I will go to bed early for my long day of hiking NYD.

Christmas 2019 over, readyfor new decade!

We had a wonderful Christmas.  Warm, got up to 68 degrees!  We drove an hour for dinner with my sister and her family.  Took the convertible.  Had a nice lunch.  Drove home to check the dogs and then enjoyed another drive to DH cousin.  They served a nice dinner also, I just took some cookies and candy I made.  People really seem to enjoy home made goodies and so I enjoy that tradition.

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas.  So much negative in the world, petty arguments, superficial social media, negative media and corrupt politicians and agenda serving media, greedy coporate policies.  I enjoyed church service with my friend last Saturday and midnight mass in my own town.  I am vowing to take time to touch base and focus on my spiritual journey and take time to enhance my mental state of mind and recalibrate when things are bothering me and I just plunge on ahead and ignore when I should be listening to myself more.  The world seems crazier and crazier, all I can control is my part of it.  How I interact with the world and what I reflect.

I love this time of year when we reflect on the last year and think what we want to do going forward.  And now that I am not working, I mean to really relish this process.  From my house to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...Happy New Decade!

Two of my cute doggies.