I am exhausted and depressed. I just got back from quick trip to the city to help my Granny and be with my aunt a little bit. My uncle dying. She is caring for him at home. I was happy to see him, he is still responding a little and spend time supporting her. But now I am just depleted.
I had lost 4 or 5 pounds before I left, I tried very hard while gone to continue the same eating plan. Now it is all back - in 3 days! I am tired, my tummy hurts and I just want to sleep.
This time of the year is hard for my anyway. My mom and late husband died in early March. But this year I was determined not to let this creep into my psyche and overcome this tendency to think about it. Last year I woke up one morning in late February with a very sore shoulder and it was sore for 2 months! I even went to the chiropractor. Maybe that was the beginning of part of my weight gain. Is it almost inevitable that one gains weight in retirement? I am really struggling with this. Maybe that is just the most obvious thing to focus all my frustration on.
I also have a couple of friends who are really bringing my down. I don't want to be friends anymore but I have avoided confrontation for over a year. I have known these gals since 3rd grade. Instead of mellowing in middle age, they are getting more judgmental and nosey...and talk about people behind their backs!
We have a cancer charity we started in our hometown and we have a fundraiser coming up in May. I had previously started a charity in my city I used to live in for stray animals, so I helped with the paperwork and 501c3 for this cancer charity. Now I just want far away from anything these other people are involved in so that I can focus on my mental health. Maybe the physical will follow my mental health healing. I do have a chronic autoimmune conditions, so that is a special consideration in my life.
My plan is going to unfold as follows. I will go along for another 3 months as secretary and get through the fundraiser. Then I will ask for a replacement and ease out. I think I need to just focus on being retired and in my new state (that I LOVE) and just be still and learn to be alone and no distractions. I am coming to the belief that these girls do not have my best interests so I am not going to try and have a big talk or get to an understanding of what I want, I am just going to drift. I tried this last year but one of the girls is always inviting me to church stuff. The wrinkle is one gal lives 30 miles from me! Uggggghhhh. I have owned my house here since 2014. She just moved last year to be closer to her mom. Isn't life funny sometimes.
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I'm like you - I would just drift from the old friends, rather than confront. It's unlikely they will change and you would end up the bad guy anyway, for criticizing them.
ReplyDeleteI think you are exactly right. Thanks for the comment. I went on a hike outdoors today and the sunshine and fresh air helped.
ReplyDeleteI have recently had to put some distance between myself and some toxic co-workers and it has helped tremendously. You do whatever you have to do to have some peace in your heart.
ReplyDeleteJust ease your way out, because people like that won't take any kind of discussion in a constructive and positive way! maybe you will make some new friends who want to discuss more than just other people :/!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about your uncle :(
Toxic friends should be avoided. They bring you down and there is now way you can stop them. Life time habits are just that.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your uncle and sending prayers for you and his family.
I tried to drift from a toxic acquaintance (not a friend but someone who wanted to be friend) and she would not let go. It took confrontation when she came to me to get her to go away! But, usually drifting works. You do not have to go with her to church! This just keeps her coming back to you, like feeding a cat.
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