Exhausted and Depressed

I am exhausted and depressed.  I just got back from quick trip to the city to help my Granny and be with my aunt a little bit.  My uncle dying.  She is caring for him at home.  I was happy to see him, he is still responding a little and spend time supporting her.  But now I am just depleted.

I had lost 4 or 5 pounds before I left, I tried very hard while gone to continue the same eating plan.  Now it is all back - in 3 days!  I am tired, my tummy hurts and I just want to sleep.

This time of the year is hard for my anyway.  My mom and late husband died in early March.  But this year I was determined not to let this creep into my psyche and overcome this tendency to think about it.  Last year I woke up one morning in late February with a very sore shoulder and it was sore for 2 months!  I even went to the chiropractor.  Maybe that was the beginning of part of my weight gain.  Is it almost inevitable that one gains weight in retirement?  I am really struggling with this.  Maybe that is just the most obvious thing to focus all my frustration on.

I also have a couple of friends who are really bringing my down.  I don't want to be friends anymore but I have avoided confrontation for over a year.  I have known these gals since 3rd grade.  Instead of mellowing in middle age, they are getting more judgmental and nosey...and talk about people behind their backs!

We have a cancer charity we started in our hometown and we have a fundraiser coming up in May.  I had previously started a charity in my city I used to live in for stray animals, so I helped with the paperwork and 501c3 for this cancer charity.  Now I just want far away from anything these other people are involved in so that I can focus on my mental health.  Maybe the physical will follow my mental health healing.  I do have a chronic autoimmune conditions, so that is a special consideration in my life.

My plan is going to unfold as follows.  I will go along for another 3 months as secretary and get through the fundraiser.  Then I will ask for a replacement and ease out.  I think I need to just focus on being retired and in my new state (that I LOVE) and just be still and learn to be alone and no distractions.  I am coming to the belief that these girls do not have my best interests so I am not going to try and have a big talk or get to an understanding of what I want, I am just going to drift.  I tried this last year but one of the girls is always inviting me to church stuff.  The wrinkle is one gal lives 30 miles from me!  Uggggghhhh.  I have owned my house here since 2014.  She just moved last year to be closer to her mom.  Isn't life funny sometimes.