Last weekend, our aid stayed all night Sat night and gave me a chance to drive up to the lake and spend a night with my girlfriends from the city. I had so much fun, it was really nice.
I drove up and met at a fun resort, pool bar and grill and we met some other friends there. We all ate lunch and chatted. There was a fun band playing and we danced in the pool. Then we went for a boat ride out to cove out and swim.
My two friends and I left back at the pool after the boat ride and they insisted on treating me to pizza after. Then we went home and sat on the balcony and talked. They were very supportive asking about my situation and letting me let off a little of the pressure I was holding inside. I am learning that mentally, some of the most damaging habits we do is deny our feelings, or suppress them. I have been doing a fair bit of that, for sure. I had a good cry. We stayed up waaaaay too late.
My therapist just last week told me I need to find ways every day to address, recognize and vent those pressurized feelings off. My habit is to just hold them in for the "right time", which leads to all sorts of mental and physical health problems.
The next morning, we fixed breakfast and then went to the pool right near my house and enjoyed some music and lounged there. Then I drove home and got back right about dinner time.
Our aide said DH did really well, was not restless or agitated. Stayed calm and slept well Sat night while I was gone. Did not really fixate at all on me being gone, which I had worried a little about.
Knowing I can take a day or a day/evening once a month to get away and not think about vitals, blood sugar readings and insulin shots, cleaning up pee, making sure he does not fall down or have another stroke much less dispense medication, cook, plan, handle financial matters...gives me the break I dearly need. It also gives me something to look forward to and makes me feel less isolated and hopeless. I have not even turned 60 yet.
I am learning so much about strokes and dementia, so much about diabetes and medication, blood pressure, etc. I am also learning a lot about the pressures and statistics with full time caregivers. It is really serious. So, knowing I can get away and still try to live a life gives me hope that I can maintain this for the present time. Yesterday I went to a meeting and one of my friends said I looked like I have lost a lot of weight and asked how DH was. At the rate I was going, I was the one clearly declining and DH is doing well...stress free, gaining weight and having all his needs looked after. Isn't that ironic?
Yesterday Dolly Parton died. She said that while she was caring for her husband, Carl, she too had ignored her own health issues.
As I was leaving, my girlfriends said something about how much better things are going and how much better DH is doing right now and was relieved and so happy for me. I could not bear to tell her that this journey is just getting started for us...for me.
Thanks for reading. Enjoy the last breaths of summer! Please enjoy every moment.
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