Exhausted and Depressed

I am exhausted and depressed.  I just got back from quick trip to the city to help my Granny and be with my aunt a little bit.  My uncle dying.  She is caring for him at home.  I was happy to see him, he is still responding a little and spend time supporting her.  But now I am just depleted.

I had lost 4 or 5 pounds before I left, I tried very hard while gone to continue the same eating plan.  Now it is all back - in 3 days!  I am tired, my tummy hurts and I just want to sleep.

This time of the year is hard for my anyway.  My mom and late husband died in early March.  But this year I was determined not to let this creep into my psyche and overcome this tendency to think about it.  Last year I woke up one morning in late February with a very sore shoulder and it was sore for 2 months!  I even went to the chiropractor.  Maybe that was the beginning of part of my weight gain.  Is it almost inevitable that one gains weight in retirement?  I am really struggling with this.  Maybe that is just the most obvious thing to focus all my frustration on.

I also have a couple of friends who are really bringing my down.  I don't want to be friends anymore but I have avoided confrontation for over a year.  I have known these gals since 3rd grade.  Instead of mellowing in middle age, they are getting more judgmental and nosey...and talk about people behind their backs!

We have a cancer charity we started in our hometown and we have a fundraiser coming up in May.  I had previously started a charity in my city I used to live in for stray animals, so I helped with the paperwork and 501c3 for this cancer charity.  Now I just want far away from anything these other people are involved in so that I can focus on my mental health.  Maybe the physical will follow my mental health healing.  I do have a chronic autoimmune conditions, so that is a special consideration in my life.

My plan is going to unfold as follows.  I will go along for another 3 months as secretary and get through the fundraiser.  Then I will ask for a replacement and ease out.  I think I need to just focus on being retired and in my new state (that I LOVE) and just be still and learn to be alone and no distractions.  I am coming to the belief that these girls do not have my best interests so I am not going to try and have a big talk or get to an understanding of what I want, I am just going to drift.  I tried this last year but one of the girls is always inviting me to church stuff.  The wrinkle is one gal lives 30 miles from me!  Uggggghhhh.  I have owned my house here since 2014.  She just moved last year to be closer to her mom.  Isn't life funny sometimes.

So I Have Been Busy Again

So I have been busy.  Chiefs winning the Super Bowl.  We watched from home.  This was after I came back from whirlwind trip to city to see my cousin whose mom died (my great aunt and my Granny's best friend). She was 95.

Then I got to see my Uncle who went on hospice and support my aunt.  I am so happy my uncle got to witness another Super Bowl win for his beloved Chiefs.

Then I had to turn around after the visit and pack and go to my Great Aunt's funeral back at the lake in my hometown.  It was nice to see my cousins and all our family from all over...Texas, Colorado, Ariona, Georgia, Missouri...  My sister and my cousins and I rented an Airbnb with a pretty view.

Then we did get to enjoy Super Bowl from our own home, DH and I (and our dogs!),

I have also been lucky enough to enjoy some pretty hikes lately.

I am getting spring fever.

This is what over $100 gets for a funeral now a days.  Crazy.